More Signs . . . .

[LindaKoz]

The past two days have been cloudy and overcast where I live . . . and I kind of began to feel like the weather--sad and blue. I've been at work but was feeling incredibly sad. When I left for lunch both days, I noticed a small ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. It was at the exact same place both days. I think it was Brian trying to bring some sunshine into my life and to help me understand that all will be well. To confirm this, today when I drove down the street after seeing the sun, a hawk flew across the sky and into a tree. As I watched this beautiful creature, I realized Brian was indeed sending me signs. He used to look for hawks and falcons all the time . . . he would notice them and point them out to me. I know that Brian lives on in my heart and I know that his essence exists in all of nature. For some reason, hawks, falcons, and butterflies seem to be the signs that I notice, along with that sunbeam. I know Brian doesn't want me to be sad the rest of my life and I'm really trying to walk this grief journey with dignity and courage.

I also wanted to comment on an article I read today which indiciated most people in our society are uncomfortable with grief. This can mean that those of us who are experiencing grief begin to avoid going out in public (including church), or trying not to show our tears and our sadness. Rather, we must learn to embrace our grief and show the world that it is perfectly natural to cry--that tears can be healing. We need to remember our loved ones and have opportunities to talk about them opening and honestly. This a way of honoring their time on earth and keeping them alive. My Pastor and a good friend commented that I am teaching others how to grive by being open and honest. Though I wish I wasn't walking this path, I hope that I can in some small way change the perception of grief for those around me.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Rochel]

Hi Linda,

This is very good Linda...I'm not that good at crying in front of people, probably a childhood thing.."If you are going to cry I'm going to give you something you'll really cry about" my parents wouldn't let us cry...Glad to hear about the signs from Brian...sunshine and hawks and his Love...We really need these signs from our Honeys...They say that time heals all wounds "even this one"???? Blessings, Rochel

[derby]

Linda,

I am so touched by you sharing your signs with us. I too believe that God allows gifts to come to us when we need them the most and when he feels it is the right time for such gifts. You are so on target on my experience on how others react to our grief. Tonight someone ask me what "longing" feels like. Was difficult to put the feelings into words. During a conversation today I got sad and of course the tears started and they ask "are you having a moment"? Of course I was having a moment. It's only going to be 5 weeks! Others seem to be very uncomtfortable when I do have a "moment". It is my belief as well, that our society needs to be more educated about the grief process. And had my situation turned out differently, I would not have the understanding I now have. You are doing a wonderful thing by being yourself and letting others share in your journey. Once again Linda, through all the really hard times, I am so happy for your ray of sunshine. Blessings to my friend in PA. Debbie

[LindaKoz]

Hi Debbie,

I also think how longing feels would be hard to put into words. For me it's the never-ending desire to have Brian back. I know that it's not going to happen but the thought never leaves my heart. I'm sorry to hear about the insensitive comment about having a moment. I think you are walking this path with courage and dignity and you have the right to breakdown when you need to. I don't understand why people are so uncomfortable around tears. Why don't they understand our need to talk about our loved ones and to cry as we need to? It's natural and it's normal. For me, to hide these feelings would be impossible -- and I would feel as if I am dishonoring my love for Brian.

Be gentle with yourself as the weekend approaches. I know that they are difficult. I'm here for you. Hugs.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Korina]

Thanks goodness no one has ever asked if I was having "a moment".

I had to smile this last week. My husband hated the vacuum. And now, with a little one crawling all over the place (and particularly as my family was here visiting - more people tracking in dirt), I have been vacuuming every day. A couple times the plug loosened in the socket, turning off the vacuum. I didn't really think I had accidentally yanked or tugged it. Anyhow, Scott would pull out the plug when he was sick of hearing the noise, hee hee.

I have been trying to write down instances of potential signs and dreams.

Hugs,

Korina