tootie Posted February 8, 2005 Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 I can remember it all as if it were thismorning.I took my mom to the hospial because she was not feeling well, & not able to keep food in her system.It was a thursday afternoon, 1:15. Tht Dr. looked at her, & due to the circumstances he decided she should stay there for a few days to get rehydrated & then she could go home.I had 2 children at home, so I stayed till my sister got there at 8:45pm & then went home.I sent my kids to school the next morning, & went straight to the hospital where i spent the whole day at my moms side.She was so sick all I could do was hold her hands in mine & tell her how much I love her.She would look at me & say "don't worry Tootie I will everything will be ok".Little did I know at that time she was preparing herself for death.You need to understand that she had chrones, & cholitis, rhumitoid arthuritis, had one leg amputated & was going to have to have the other one taken too. And as bad as all of that sounds, her health was ok other than that.You see I was NOT taking my mom to the hospital to die, I was taking her there to get well so I could take her home with me again & continue to take care of her as she had me for all of those years.Saturday mom looked better & she even ate. Wow that was great we all (even the Dr.) were very pleased with her progress.The Dr. told me that if she kept up this well I would be able to take her home on Monday.Saturday went on well & most of my 9 brothers & sisters came to see her, along with many of their children & even their children.I sent them all home, & spent a few more hours holding onto my mom befrore I too went home at 3:00am.I was going to take a shower & get a couple of hours of sleep before I went back to her.It was 4:03 am when I got the call that I should contact all of my family, because mom was going down hill fast.I made it to the hospital by 4:15 & was the 1st one there. Mom took my hand & said "Tootie I have to go".I held her & all I could do was cry. My family then started to arrive, I however did not leave her side.Little did I know that those words were the last ones my mother would ever say.At 5:07 am Sunday morning, she squeesed my hand looked into my eyes & shook her head as if to say goodbye tootie I love you . Like she needed my approval to go. I have her the biggest hug & kiss I ever had & told her mommy it is ok to go so you will not have to suffer any more. She closed her eyes never to awaken again.I held her dead body in my arms & cried & screamed for about an hour. I told her I was so sorry I brought her to the hospital & I did not mean for her to die. I told everyone in the room how sorry I was for taking their mom, & grandma away. My family finally had to pry me off of her & my wonderful husband carried me to the car & took me home.The next few days are all a blur. I went through the motions not knowing what I was doing or how I would be able to go on without my mom for the rest of my life.I still to this day say goodnight to my mom every night as if she were right there with me.I am so sorry that I took her to the hospital to die. I thought I was going to make her better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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