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Sometimes People Ask Such Dumb Questions

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Sometimes people ask some of the dumbest questions, Today marks 9months since I lost Ben, and it is also my granddaughters birthday, so I went to her school to take some cupcakes to her class so she could celebrate with her class, ran into another grandma that was there with her granddaughter, and she asked me how i was doing i said ok and she invited me for coffee of course I said yes it was a chance to be with someone my age but i so regretted it..She spend the whole time asking me questions that made me sad, wanted to know how I felt when Ben died how did I know the end was coming ECT.....Why do people feel the need to ask this type of questions? I am sad enough and do not wish to remember those days and hrs I chose to remember the good days.

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It helps to know that we are all different and what helps one person offends another. Accept her good intent and realize she probably thought it'd be good for you to talk about it. It might be good to say something to her to the affect, "It's very hard for me to talk about this, can we please talk about something else right now?"

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People really do ask the worst questions at the worst times, Lucia. I also had people ask me questions a few months after my father passed away; one of his friends asked me if I knew how my dad got ill, etc. etc., and it made me uncomfortable and sad. I didn't think of what kayc has just said, just saying, "Please can we talk about something else," which is a good suggestion. Basically though, I told the man "I don't know" and said some of the things I tried to think about, the good things, and I think he got the point that I didn't want to talk about the other thing.

All we can do is take a deep breath, and like kayc said, if it really, really bothers us, say something. The person intended well, but put you in a very sad spot by saying what she said. I think that you can feel free to say, please let's not talk about that, and then she will have some food for thought as far as what she said, and hopefully she will understand a little better, how hard it is to talk about it. I guess for the future, if someone says something similar to what this woman said.

People just don't understand. I think it is healthier for us to just, let it go and get out of there while we can, or openly admit our discomfort, or heck! Cry in front of them! Then maybe they'll get that this is REALLY painful.

I am sure she had good intentions though (although some people are just curious! They don't understand the pain we get in talking about these things).

I think your resolve to choose to remember the good things, is an excellent and healthy, self-caring thing to do. Go you!

take care,


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