My Little Star Is Gone

[wolfwoman]

It's been a week ago yesterday since my little dog, Star girl died. She was not quite a year old. We think she had a blockage or parvo. She started getting sick on Sat. and couldn't even hold down water. It was so hard to watch her slowly slip away and be so helpless.

She was the life of our family. We have 2 other dogs but, Star kept something going all the time. She was our "wild Child". She was part chow, bull terrier, and australian shephard. She was black except for a little white star on her neck. She was small but had long legs and pointed ears.

We were with her right up to the end. I know she knew we loved her so much.

My husband and I are having a really hard time getting over losing Star. I was so physically ill the next day I had to go to the ER for a phenegran shot. I can't stop thinking about her life and her death. I feel like the pain will never go away. I feel like I have a big hole in my heart and my stomach is up in my throat. I can't stop crying and I just don't know what to do without her in the house.

[MartyT]

Dear One,

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I can only imagine how empty your home and your heart now feel without the physical presence of your beloved Star girl there. Please know that you are not alone in your sorrow ~ you'll find yourself among kindred spirits here. I hope you'll pay a visit to my Grief Healing Web site, especially to the Pet Loss Articles page. Read some of the articles listed there, and you'll have a better understanding of what you're feeling and why ~ and what you can do to manage your reactions. Know also that we are holding you close.

[wolfwoman]

Thank you Marty for responding to my letter about Star. It's been 2 weeks tomorrow since she died and I'm still not doing any better. Most people don't understand why I'm so upset still. They think it's only an animsl and I shouldn't be feeling this bad. I don't want to eat and I just mope around the house like I'm lost. Last night I had a dream that she came back and my husband woke me up because I was crying in my sleep. I feel like I have a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I keep thinking about how much life she brought to our family and I keep thinking about the way she died. It shouldn't have happened - it's not fair. How do I stop dwelling on this and move on with my life?

Cynthia Warren

[MartyT]

Cynthia, dear ~ I cannot tell you how to stop feeling the way you do, nor would I want to, even if I could. Grief is the price we pay for loving someone so much, and what you are feeling in the wake of Star's death is a testament to the breadth and depth of your love for this dear little fur person. You are "dwelling" on it because of the magnitude of the loss you are feeling. Grief is not an event ~ it is a process that takes place over time, as you think about, feel, express, work through and come to terms with just how much you have lost. The greater the bond we feel with the one we have lost, the more intense the pain. You cannot "move on" from this death because you haven't yet completed the grief work you must do in the wake of it.

What do I mean by grief work? Learning all you can about what is normal in grief, especially as it relates to pet loss, so you can better understand and manage your reactions. Finding someone you trust with whom you can share your story ~ someone who understands and appreciates the relationship you have with Star and who will listen without passing judgment on you. (That can be your spouse, a trusted relative or friend, a clergy person, a grief counselor, a pet loss support group, and / or the people on this Web site.) Finding a way to memorialize Star and make some meaning out of this loss.

My Grief Healing Web site contains a wealth of information and links to dozens upon dozens of resources for pet loss, and I hope you will take the time to explore some of them. Read some of the other posts in this forum, which will assure you that your reactions are normal and you are not alone in your pain. Know that we are thinking of you and sending our deepest sympathy.