I Have Lost My Best Little Friend In The World

[meshell]

I will never forget November 27th, 2009, that is the day I lost my beautiful little Doxie named Obie. As a matter of fact, November 27th was also her birthday. She was exactly 13 years old and full of life but she was also a very sick little puppy. It was hard to tell this loving little dog was as sick as she was as she would spring out of her bed and scamper around in delight as we awoke every morning. Every night, when I arrived home, she would greet me at the door with her loving little brown eyes, nudging her wet little nose against my leg or hand and then herd me to her food bowl in the kitchen. She was always hungry just like a doxie should be.

Obie was suffering from a number of ailments including thyroid and Cushing’s disease. She was on plenty of medication which she took graciously without a fuss twice a day; it was simply our ritual with extra yummy food. Unfortunately, there was yet something else brewing inside her tiny little body, which nobody yet knew about, which nobody could see and which there was nothing that could be done. She had a cancerous tumour which was sucking the life out of her.

Although she was very sick, she never complained and was always there for me. It is incredible how happy and healthy she seemed to be. The only indictor that something was wrong was that, in her last few days alive, she had a terrible bladder infection which caused her to have two pee accidents in the house which she never, ever had before. I know that she felt badly and perhaps she was even scarred, I hope she didn't feel that way but it seemed so. I quickly had her urine checked and she was prescribed an antibiotic for 4 weeks, it was a very bad infection the vet said. I no sooner returned home from the vet's with her medication when I noticed that Obie seemed sad, confused and tired. I thought her behaviour was because of all the medication and because of the bladder infection so I decided to take my beautiful little pup upstairs for a nap with me as we did all the time. As I was falling asleep with her right beside me, I noticed that she was shaking; I covered her with a blanket and fell asleep. When I awoke she seemed as if she was asleep but as I tried to awaken her to take her downstairs, she did not respond, she was alive but unconscious. I rushed her to the vet's thinking that she had crashed on her Cushing’s medication. I knew that her condition was not good but when the vet came into the room and told me that she was hemorrhaging in her abdomen from what he thought was a cancerous tumour, my heart stopped. I didn't believe him; I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Everything was in slow motion after that as I basically tried to dispute his diagnosis and prognosis. Surely he was wrong and he just didn't know her whole medical story. Unfortunately, he was right, he didn't even offer surgery or chemo, which I would have not attempted, I simply could not put my little friend through all of that for maybe two more months of a suffering life. The vet said that if he tried to operate that she would probably not survive the surgery; hey he was not even sure she was still alive as we spoke in the waiting room. She was dying and all I could do was to let her go as painlessly as possible. He assured me that she was not in pain as I walked in the room for our final goodbye. It was heart wrenching, I couldn't believe that this was it with her. After my final little whispers in her ears telling her that I loved her and that she was a good girl, we let her go. It was peaceful and quick.

I have had to put a number of cats and even a pet turtle to sleep in the past, and all of those experiences were heartbreaking, but nothing to me was as sad as having to let my little puppy girl go. She was just so special, she simply owned my heart.

Five weeks later I find myself even sadder and crying all the time. I miss her; I miss her loving little personality. I miss her crazy little antics as she was always trying to get me to give her extra food. I miss hearing her collar rattle as she shakes in the morning, I miss the sound of her paws clicking against the wooden floor, I miss her snores at night, I miss laughing with her - not at her. I simply miss her.

Unfortunately, my sorrow is compounded with the loss of my sister who died almost 2 years ago; she was only 46 and died suddenly of a heart problem. It was a shock to our entire family and especially to me as I actually found her and tried to do CPR on her. I knew even before I started CPR that she was gone but all I could remember was what they told me from my course, if you start CPR, they will try to revive her, if not they will pronounce her dead then and there. I had to give her any chance possible. The doctors could not revive her and she died that day. Losing my little dog has brought all that sadness back and more. It is a devastating feeling and I am so sad, I am not sure how long this hole in my heart is going to hurt.

As understanding and as patient as my family and friends have been with the loss of my puppy girl, it is hard for others to understand the overwhelming grief that is felt when a best little friend dies. I have read many of the loving stories that others have shared on this website. They make me sad but they also make me realize that I am not the only one who loved and who misses their beloved dog or animal friend. It is a real, it is a deep and it is a very sad loss that really touches the heart.

With this great loss, I find myself still asking questions, not believing what has happened and wondering if I did something wrong, did I do everything possible for Obie? Did I fail her? She trusted me as a child trusts a parent, did I let her down? It is torturing me. I can't sleep at night, I am crying all the time and I am so sad.

I need help and I don't know what to do.

I miss my friend and I am so sad.

michelle

[wolfwoman]

Dear Michelle,

I read your heartbreaking story about losing your best friend. I, too lost my little fur baby 4 weeks ago today. We don't know what happened but, the vet tech said she probably had a blockage from something she had eaten. She had started vomiting (she was not even able to hold down water) on Friday and by Sunday we had lost her. There was nothing we could do. She found the strength to get up on the love seat and that's where she always laid, that's where she took her last breath. Our vet tech came and injected her with fluids but, soon after she slipped into a coma. She left us at 4:00 pm. letting her go was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

As I'm writing this I am crying uncontrolably. I miss my little Star. She wasn't quite a year old. I know what you mean about having a hole in your heart because I have one in mine, too. I miss her so much. It is comforting to know that we were with her until she took her last breath but, I find myself wondering why she was taken from us so suddenly. I kept praying for God to heal her but, now I'm asking Him to heal us. I posted pictures of her on facebook which has helped. That way I can look at her every day. I dedicated "In the Arms of the Angels" by Sara Mcglohlin to her on facebook. In that way I can honor her.

Star was our little "wild child" and she brought so much life into our home and our lives. Everybody keeps telling me that "things will get better with time" but, I wonder how much time it will take. My husband is very supportive and he understands when I start crying. I keep waiting for the crying to stop but, it hasn't, yet. I listen for Star to "knock" on the door wanting in. I miss her standing on top of me in the mornings wanting to go outside.

I wish I could tell you when you will feel better but, I am wondering that myself. All I can tell you is that the pain is real. You need to stay away from people who don't understand and sympathize with you. I have hurt so bad that I called the pet loss grief counselling center in IL and they let me cry and let me talk to them about Star. They sent me a packet of poems and information that has helped a lot. Their # is 1-877-394-2273. They are with the University of IL and they are open from 7pm to 9pm on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.

I understand what you are going through and I am here for you if you ever want to talk. My # is 601-847-1746. I think it helps so much to find someone to talk who really knows what you are going through.

Cynthia Warren

[meshell]

Thank you Cynthia for your reply, it helps a great deal to talk to people who share the same feelings. I am sorry for your loss, it was definitely a premature one and is so sad in so many ways. Although your little puppy lived a short while, she obviously touched your heart forever. I know the feeling.

I know time will heal the losses but I think it is important to grieve and remember these special little fur balls.

Thank you for the number for the grief councilling too. I am sure I will use it.

michelle

[Elaine M]

Michelle I am so sorry for your loss, I can feel your heart break, as mine is broken also. I lost a cat, he was killed by a car but we don't 'live directly on a road. Why was he down there? I am sick, I understand. I have done nothing since I found him. My head hurts from crying, my eyes are literally swollen shut. I cant go out like this. I cant function. My daughter came home from college yesterday till this morning to be with me. My husband doesnt understand. He's like get over it. the cats liked to play around our yard. BUt I knew there was danger It wasnt close but I guess close enough. You are not alone. I will think of you Michelle and pray that both you and I will get through this and maybe find some peace.

So Sorry Elaine

[Elaine M]

Michelle I am so messed up I am totally beside my self. Thanks for your reply but I dont know what happened to it and I cant work this forum I so appreciate your thoughtful words. I cant seem to function well. I started to reply but lost that too. I had a dog Nikki died 12/22/07 when she died I had to get myself together it was 3 days to xmas and I had company coming. We took her to the vets and then had to go grocery shopping, worst day of my life. I started to feel better, but stillI cannot look at her pictures. For months I would not clean the hardwood floor because it smelled like her, I would smell it and cry and cry. I have her chain, I knowwhere you are coming from when you say you miss them walking around, and the jingle, ---We did give them a good home and took care of them some get sick and die early like people

others live a long life, I just lost my dad, 10/4/09 I was with him when he died. I feel different. He wanted to leave He was tired and wanted to be with my mom 3/30/87 It was a long time to live without someone you love. We werent that close but i took care of him the last 5 years, he was in a home but I was there for him, for doctors, outings, visits, christmas etc. My sister is 68 and suffering from cancer. I do not have a good relationsip with her her son is here from callifornia taking care of her. she is bitter, and has been a bitter, self-pitying person since she was young. I hate to visit, I hate to be with her. I would not feel this way if it were her to leave this world. She's a mean person. I think I am being punished for wrongs I did when I was younger. Everytime I feel happiness something creeps in and takes it away. I was just telling my husband How happy I was, I am a real estate agent 2 yrs, things are going well, I work part time at the LOFT I love my jobs, my daughter is in college and doing well, my son will graduate and he has a scholarship for basketball. I was sooooo happy our work is going well self employed custom home builders I was sooooo happy with my little guys, I let myself go. I let myself love again and I am broken broken broken hearted, sick with grief. I could have had Rocky for another 15 years, I cheated him, I took his life I am the human knowing the dangers, he was just an innocent little guy, I will never recover. I hate my self. I hate the choices I made. My husband say's they loved to go out they would have been born in the woods and maybe eaten if I hadn't taken them in. True. But that doesnt help me now.I think I amy need help getting over this. I have to work, I have a son I have been missing his games. THe last game I went to was the night Rocky got killed. I didmnt go yesterday and cant go today. I am a wreck. I dont know what to do.

Thanks for caring Elaine