Depression/loneliness

[JohnG]

The more time that goes by the deeper I seem to be sinking into depression. I'm seeing a therapist which is an immediate help but by the time my next session comes around I feel even lower. I'm reading all of the books on grief and suicide I can find, I have wonderful friends and family for support but when I get into the house I feel utterly alone and abandoned. I've tried antidepressants but they seem to just lock me into not being able to move. I just sit and stare still knowing there's pain but not being able to do anything.

My friends and family desperately want to help and they ask me what they can do but I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what to do to help myself. I am just overwhelmed by howling episodes of anguish.

The lonliness is unbearable.

[Kat2005]

Oh John, I feel your pain. I have alot of trouble with the lonliness also. I am constantly thinking of the way things were and so desperately wanting those days back, although in my heart I know that will never happen. I do get alot of support from some very close friends which helps alot and my journaling brings me much comfort. I really have to push myself to sometimes to do things. I know Pat would want me to go on but the unknown is so scarey. I just have to put my trust in God. I know he will guide me through this journey that I am on and with time things will get better. I think it is great that you are seeking help by seeing a therapist. I belong to a support group right now but I am seriously considering a one on one. It is so important that you take care of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers.

Take care,

Kat

[Babs11]

Hi, John

It is really good that you are reaching out right now..You need to talk about how you feel and just hearing kind and supportive words may help if only for a little while..It seems we all try to do what we have to do to get through until the next "episode" arrives.

Maybe what is happening is with more time passing since you have lost your Wife is the Realization that no matter what you feel or need you can not bring her back..Not having any control is confusing, scary and

clausterphobic..

I also feel an unbearable amount of loneliness most of the time..We have an Eighteen Year Old who will graduate this year so whether I like it or not I have to keep moving. We also have a Shepard who we walked "Several" times a day sometimes alone and sometimes together depending on our schedules..but knowing now he will never be with me on those walks makes it unbearable at times (especially now that it is so cold) I have to walk him everyday..that is a lot of walks from August to the future when our Shepard is no longer here by myself..

The walks were when we did a lot of our talking and planning and working out things and the best was just laughing and "flirting"! Yeah this is very..lonely..Everywhere I go is a place we have been and I am constantly in "Rewind Mode" thinking of what we were talking about or Laughing about at that time.

Just like so many on this site, My Husband and I had a Great Chemistry, Even our fights were exciting.

I still wake up Everyday and say "Here we go Again, Another Day Without Him"! yuh..

My Husband always said, "You have to have an answer for everything" He was right I do..So this is a very hard subject because for once I don't have ANY answers and I don't like it!

For now John, Just keep reaching out when ever you need to.Say whatever your feel..Pretending you do or don't feel a certain way will not help the process of just coping..Whatever you feel just say it!

I don't always have alot of strenght but what I do have I will send your way..

Love and Peace,

Babs

[marsha]

John - I hear the pain in your post. I've been there, and sometimes, I still am in that place. There's no quick fix for grieving (see Teny's thread). There have been many, many times where I sat on my couch, tv on in the background, and spent hours staring at the ceiling. I wasn't capable of doing anything else. But I also think that's absolutely the only thing to do, sometimes, as we need time to comprehend, as painful as it is. What you're sinking into is slow realization after the numbness; and the anguish is part of it. And I realize your situation makes it all the harder. I can only say what the folks here said to me, and what I tried to do, and that's live in today, just for today. Hugs, Marsha

[Susie Q]

John

I understand your feeling and fear that you may be 'getting worse'.

For me, overwheming despair comes in cycles and just when I think I'm making some progress and dealing better with it, it slams me down again. All that I have read, tells me to expect it and give it the attention it demands.

So that is what I do. When the loneliness and depression is at its peak, and sometimes it visits for quite a while, I retreat and do whatever makes me most comfortable. In my case, being at home or being with the few people that make me feel most secure, is my treatment. I also manage better at those times if I find a reason to go out for some part of the day or the evening, however short.

Perhaps that's what progress will be for me for a long time - just taking on the day, no matter what it brings. At the moment it's being out there and trying to rejoin the world when I can, and being down and in my cave when I need to be.

I wish you some comfort in the days ahead....Susie Q