My World Has Changed So Much Since Dad Passed

[Daughter2010]

Hello,

I'm new to this forum, I have been reading some posts here, and I do find comfort in knowing I am not alone in feeling what I feel.

My father passed away last October, to cancer. To this day I still cannot grasp the entire meaning of not having dad around. It will be 3 months this upcoming 28th. Lord knows I miss my dad terribly. His story goes like this: My dad, a healthy man, a professional bike rider in his early years, someone who loved exercising, someone who gave his family and this world so much, was called home at the age of 58. So young, so soon. His cancer was diagnosed a little more than a year ago, he immediately went into treatment, chemotherapy and surgery, both of which he responded very well. Doctors were positive about his prognosis despite the odds. However, after his treatment, a couple of months later he started to feel more and more tired and had difficulty eating, he was taken to the hospital and when doctors performed a series of more specialized tests, found out the sickness had spread to other organs and there was nothing they could do. Despite this he was still clinging to life and he wanted to explore other options, but we ran out of time.

We (his family) did everything we could do to make him feel better, to improve his health situation. He was so brave through everything, but I also know he kept his sadness inside, the sadness of knowing he could end up leaving this earth. It breaks my heart because he wanted to be here for my brother's college graduation, to live things like giving me away at the altar the day of my wedding, taking care of my kids when they would be born, etc.

I my daddy's girl and I can't call him, or hug him anymore. Last 10 yrs of my life I spent them out of the country studying, working, getting a better life, because that's what he wanted. I would see him every Christmas, but still I wanted to see him more often or spend more time with him. This last year, I traveled as often as I could, I was there for Father's day, for his bday, for his surgery day, and for the last 8 days of his life. I did tell him how much I loved him and how proud I am and will be of him. He not only was my father but a wonderful, noble, gentle person with everyone he knew. He was kind, respectful, he lead by example and everyone I hear from who knew him, has nice things to say about him, about his character. As everyone else, he was nor perfect but I can say he overcame many life obstacles, and made the best out of his life. I just figured he and my mom would grow old together. That didn't happen, and I have come to face the biggest sorrow and grief I have felt in my life. It is that type of feeling that you can't do anything about.

My dad left us peacefully, I know he is ok, but still miss him so much. I am trying to get back to the things I should do, I am working, and going to school. During the day I keep busy, but at night I have no desire to do anything, I know that's not what he would have wanted but I just can't comprehend how I am here, sitting in front of this computer and knowing my dad is just not here period.

My friends were there for me for the funeral, but then after it just seems like they have gone on with their lives and haven't contacted me to see how I am doing. I find it a bit surprising, but brush it off.

I am trying to focus on taking care of my family and getting as much accomplished as possible. It is just that I wish my dad were here to share our happiness and sadness through life. He is the best dad I could have ever asked for. He truly was a gift of God to our family.

I needed to vent, thanks for reading.

-L

[DebFromLodi]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 30 years ago and my mom has been gone 2 years on Feb 2 (coming up). I am having the hardest time dealing with my mom's passing. I miss her so much and every single night when i go to bed, i lay there and talk to her. Asking for a sign, which i never get. It is early in the morning right now and i cannot bear to start my day with tears so I will stop writing. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I pray for God to help you through this.

[Daughter2010]

Thanks for your reply. I know it is difficult...some days more than others. Today it was a super busy day for me. On the way home I was thinking, I just wished there would be a way to pick up the phone and called heaven and talk to my dad, that way I could tell him how my day was, what I am doing, how mom and brothers are doing...many things...

I also wished I would see him in my dreams again, I only saw him once... a week after he passed.

A big hug to you, and hang in there, take it day by day , that way is more bearable.

-L

[JamesI]

Dear Daughter 2010'

I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died on March 20, 2009. It's been 10 months now and I am better than I was, but, I still miss her very much and I also miss that I cannot hug her too as you expressed about your father.

Just know that you are early on with your journey, being only 3 months. It takes more time and always remember that there is no time limit. It does get better, but, you will always remember. Its only normal, its only human, that we love our loved ones.

I saw a grief counselor for about 7 months and it did help me. I also found this website and like you said, reading the many topics and posts has helped me realize too that I was not alone and when I am not able to talk to a friend or relative, this discussion group is a great comfort.

I also attended an 8 week bereavement group at a local church and that also helped me. I am attending a weekly bereavement group and I get alot of support from this group too. I've been very active to get help because I felt I really needed it and it does help.

I am out of work since July because of the economy, but, I am getting unemployment. This time off has helped me too, because I was having a rough time with my journey of grief and mourning.

I keep busy, I have read alot of books on grief at the library and that has also helped. I work out 5 days a week, I visit some friends that are comforting because they know about grief. Some people cannot deal with it and they change the subject. I stay clear of those people. You know, people say to you at the funeral, if you need anything, let me know and then you never hear from these people.

Its not that these people don't care, its just that some people cannot deal with it and they really don't know what to say. Alot of people have not really gone through grieving or mourning or if they did have losses in their life, they just don't deal with it.

The point is, which I learned early on, you need to grieve and mourn for your loved one and seeing a grief counselor will help you a great deal. The grief counselor will also discuss with you the advantages of attending a bereavement group too.

I never thought I would get passed the first three months, but, I did.

Take one day at a time and remember that there is no time schedule. Take as much time as you need and don't let anyone tell you that you should be over it. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself.

Be well,

James

[Kat2005]

Daughter 2010,

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband June 2009. You mentioned that you wish you could pick up the phone and call heaven to talk to your dad. Wouldn't that be great. Unfortunately we can't. I do talk to my husband every night. I do that in my journaling. I talk to him as if he was sitting right next to me. I know journaling is not for everyone but I find it brings me much comfort at the end of my day. It is just a suggestion. Remember we are all here for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kat

[Daughter2010]

Thanks to all of you for your replies.

Tonight is one of those where I can't hold my tears. Getting home from work, I felt that pain in my soul for my dad's absence. I threw myself fin the sofa and cried for a good while. I wish I could lean on my dad's shoulder and tell him a joke or tell him how glad I am to see him. Or lay down on his lap and watch tv the same way I did when I was 6 years old. It may sound childish but I am a daddy's girl and even though I'm a grown up, I always felt he took care of me. He would hold my hand to cross the street when little, he would walk me home from school, he taught me how to ride my bike at 8. He said he was proud to hear good things about me when picking up my report card at school when I was 12. And the list goes on, so many moments I enjoyed with my father, and now that he is not physically with me, my heart aches.

About the journal, I could try it but I am not good at going back reading over the sad moments lived,'cause I can get sad again. I talk to God every night, I give thanks for everything and lay out my feelings, and I talk to dad too, about my day, about my mom and brothers. I know God listens,and well, if death is part of life, I will need to get used to this feeling, and do what my dad did...he lost his parents so early on his life, at the age of 14. He became a great man, who made the best out of his life. I am sure my grand parents are so proud of him.

Again thanks to all of you for your understanding. I am not getting told to get over it or have uncomfortable moments.

-L

[Daughter2010]

Today was one of those days where out of nowhere I started crying. I miss my dad so much and other people go on with their lives, have a father to talk to and I don't anymore. The pain of his absence really weighs on my heart. Why did have to happen so early....I haven't socialized much with my friends, I just don't feel the joy nor the desire to go out with them. I have always enjoyed the simple and small things in life, but not a single thought goes by without thinking " Dad is not here anymore". And it is something I cant do anything about.

I feel it is so unfair that I don't have him here anymore. How do people get through life with the pain of the loss and how do they find joy again?

-L

[MissingMyDaddy]

I know the feeling. I just wanna call my Dad and tell him how my Day was. My Dad had this weird funny since of humor, that I was lucky enough to inherit so when something funny happens I have the urge to call him. I havent erased his number from my phone,I feel like doing so makes it so final . You know what I mean? I feel my Dad's presence every day and I know he's close and always will be. I lived on the other side of the country when my Dad died. But like you , I visited as often as life would allow. Everytime he was seriously hospitalized, I hopped a plane to see him. I was lucky enough to be with him during the last 3 weeks, yet I still feel guilty that I wasnt there more often. I had only been moved outta state for a little over a year, but I feel like a missed a lifetime with him. But I am grateful I do have so many funny memories of him. What helps me, and it may help you too, is simlpy talk to him. I talk to him when Im driving to work, when Im driving home and before I go to sleep. I dont know if it will help you, but I hope it does.