JamesI

I am so sorry Dawnie350 for the loss of your Dad. I lost my dad over 10 years ago from prostate cancer. He was 80. Age makes no difference. We never want to see our loved ones go. I really missed my dad, but, I got through it so that I can help my Mom at the time. My mom was doing fine for awhile, but, then her health changed and I helped to take care of her with some help from home health care. My mom passed away on March 20, 2009 and it was very difficult for me. This website helped me alot. Reading the many posts and stories from other members really helps through the journey of grief. There are no shortcuts. You grieve at your own pace. There is no right and wrong way. I signed up with a bereavement group at my church after my Mom's passing and I also found another bereavement group that was not religious based. Both these groups helped me alot. Just know that the members on this website are very helpful and understanding and will give you the opportunity to find some comfort during your journey. Read the posts and stories. It helps to know that others are and have gone through similar experiences and emotions just as you have gone through. It does get more bearable and yes it does get easier. You will always miss your Dad, you loved him, but, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that what I have said to you will encourage you and comfort you during your sorrow.

Hi Em: You have no reason to be embarrassed. You were just being honest, which is supposedly what your friend wanted you to be, at least that's the impression she left with you. I had a similar experience. I had emailed a co worker, Marlene, that I had worked with for 2 years to inform her that my mother had passed away. I was transferred from that position to a location closer to my home, but, we kept in touch and would meet occasionally at some work functions and meet for lunch or dinner. We worked well together. Anyway, she emailed me back and asked me for my address and said she would be in touch. She never wrote, never called, and never emailed me back. I asked her to tell another co worker about my mother passing and I never heard from him either. Recently, the other co worker, Irwin, emailed me to inform me and others on his address list that someone hacked his computer and sent an email asking for money to be sent to Spain because his wallet was stolen and he could not get help from anyone and was desperate. I knew that it was a bogus email, but, Irwin sent everyone an email explaining that he was hacked and to ignore the bogus email message. So, I emailed Irwin back and told him that I did realize that it was bogus and asked him if heard from Marlene because I have not heard from her for over a year. Irwin told me that she has a habit of doing that to everyone, which I knew, but I just thought she would have been in touch with him. I asked him if Marlene told him about my mother passing and so on. I never received a reply from him either and again, we all had a good working relationship and I went to his retirement party. I was wondering, why do these people seem to get scared when you mention that someone has passed away. Most people would express their condolences as most decent people do, especially when you know that you had a good working relationship with them and you kept in touch with them as I did. I was kind of hurt in a way and then I thought maybe they don't know what to say or how to express themselves. Even though I was kind of hurt, I really cannot be angry with these people. I just let it go. If people cannot express their condolences or give you comfort, so be it. You can't make people care. I know that I would not do that to someone. I've also heard people say, "Oh, if you need anything you need, let me know" "If there is anything I can do" "Just call me" "I'll call you" I have learned that you cannot rely on anyone but yourself and this includes relatives as well as so called friends, unless of course, you're fortunate enough to have someone that really means what they say. I do have a friend, Jane, who I grew up with and kept in touch with over the years. She has really helped me so much. She lost her boyfriend about 7 years ago to an illness and understood about grief. She cried with me on the phone and helped me with my journey. I am so grateful to her. The bereavement group has helped me too and I still go it. My mother passed away on March 20, 2009. I do feel better, but, I am not over it. You never get over it. You learn to get used to it. It still hurts at times. I keep busy and that helps. It helps to be distracted. You need a break now and then from grieving, but, you need to return to it and go through it. It helps you to work it out. There is no timetable. I have read many books on grieving and continue to do so. It can take 2 or 3 years or more. Whatever it takes. You just need to keep plugging away. You know, get back on track, and move on. Remember the good memories. They can be a comfort. I have many dreams about my mother and that is consoling and also a comfort to me. I hope that what I told you will help you. Sometimes it helps me if I can help someone. I try to do that at the bereavement group. We all give each other advice and try to help each other. Keep in touch and let me know how things are going. Take care, Jim

Suzanne: My brother and I took out an extra life insurance policy through AARP for my mother in 1999 and she passed away on March 20, 2009. It was AARP, but, New York Life Insurance handled it. They paid it out with no problem in less than 30 days. Just know that they offer different policies. The policy we had for my mother was for $5000, but changed to $2500 at age 85. My mother passed away at age 87. You may also check out SBLI USA.com... I am not sure if they may offer sbli in all states. You may also consider Hartford Insurance as Mary Linda suggested. We use Hartford for our homeowners ins and they are a reliable company. I am sorry for your loss and wish you and your family well. take care, James

Hi Emptyinside: I really understand how you feel. I miss my mother's presence and especially her hugs. No one can take the place of our loved ones. I sometimes think that my mother is still alive, although, I understand that she passed away and I accept it, but, sometimes I forget. I ask God to let me see my mother in my dreams and I've had dreams of my mother and father often. Sometimes these dreams are a comfort in some way. It is difficult to deal with the loss of our loved ones. We need to have faith that our loved ones are safe and happy and we will be happy and comforted in time. glad to see you again online. take care, James

Dear Lainey: I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I don't think there is anything more devastating than the loss of a loved one. I lost my mother on March 20, 2009. It has been a rough year, but, I got through it. Grieving is a rough journey to travel, but, we need to get through it in order to heal from the pain and sorrow we feel. There are no short cuts or quick fixes. Take it one day at a time. You need time to get through this journey. Take all the time you need. I learned along the way that it could take 2 to 3 years, but, don't be discouraged because it does get better and less intense before that. Its fresh for you being only 4 months. Be good to yourself. I know what you mean about friends being there when you really need them. Everyone tells you to call if you need anything, but, where are they when you need them? I suppose we cant' really blame them and they do have their lives to live. I was fortunate to find a few old friends that have been through losses and understand and sometimes I am able to talk with them and get some comfort, but, they are not always available. I am glad that I found this website because I have been coming to it from the very beginning and it has helped me. I also found a grief counselor who I have been seeing for about 9 months and she has helped me in many ways. I also attended an 8 week bereavement group after about 3 months and that helped too. I still attend a weekly bereavement group and some of us meet afterwards at a restaurant for a snack and we talk and see how each of us are coping. It all helps. You may consider finding a grief counselor. You can select a male or female. Whoever you feel comfortable with. They will help you. We need to get help and support from as many sources as possible, especially if we cannot get the support from family or friends. It seems that family and friends are not always the ones to support us and just know that you are not alone. Like Terry suggested, try getting the book she mentioned and I also recommend a book I read which really brought me comfort, its called, Life after Loss by Bob Deits. You can find it at the library or bookstore. When you are up to it later on, consider also attending a bereavement group. Be well, take care, James

Dear Suzanne: I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my mother last year on March 20, 2009. My mother was 87, but, it was unexpected and although she had health issues, she was doing okay. Age makes no difference and no matter what the cause of death is, we never want to lose our loved ones. My father died 10 years earlier on the same date due to heart trouble which was related to a relapse of prostate cancer. Just know that your loss is still fresh, being only about 2 months. Take it 1 day at a time. If you feel uncomfortable looking at your husband's pictures, wait until you feel up to it. There is no rush, there is no timetable. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve or mourn. Just take it slow and do what is right for you. Finding this website will help you. I found it right away and it did help a great deal. I also found a grief counselor. The grief counselor helped me and I've been coming to this website on a regular basis. I was helped a great deal by alot of caring and considerate people on this website and sometimes just reading the topics and posts are a help too. Try to find a grief counselor or speak with a pastor or priest. A counselor or clergy person will help you and after a few months, you may consider attending a bereavement group. I attended a bereavement group for 8 weeks at a local church. It helped me a great deal. I still attend a weekly bereavement group and it has shown me that I am not alone. A lot of people lose loved ones and they grieve too. There is a book that I read which really was a comfort to me and I highly recommend it to everyone who has lossed a loved one. Its called Life after Loss by Bob Deits. You can find it at the library or bookstore. Just know also that grieving and mourning can be a tough journey. You will have your good days and bad days, but, you will get through it. I remember when people would tell me that it would get better and I really did not believe that, but, it did get better. I still miss my mother and I still get emotional, but, it is less intense. I will always think about my mother. I will never forget her. I loved my mother and I miss her dearly. The pain of sorrow, however, does lessen with time. Be well. take care, James

Dear Mary Linda: I will say a prayer for you too. I am sure you will be fine on Thursday. You will be in good hands. I will never forget your words of encouragement which helped me along with my journey. I am doing better. Its a year today for me. Just know that we are all routing for you and we all care. Be well. James

Dear LindaG: Sorry to hear about your cousin. I will say a prayer for Gary and also a prayer for you that you will have the strength and comfort to get through this sadness at a time while you are also dealing with your most recent grief. Be well. take care, James

Dear LindaG: I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died almost a year ago on March 20, 2009. I was her caregiver and loved her very much. It has been very difficult to deal with. I found this website early on and it has helped me a great deal. I then found a grief counselor shortly thereafter. The grief counselor has helped me also. I have also attended an 8 week bereavement group at a local church which also helped. I still attend a weekly bereavement group and a group of us meet at a restaurant afterwards for a snack and we talk about how things are going. It all helps. In reference to your question, most of the grief counselors, which I have seen listed on my healthcare website, which is Aetna, are clinical social workers with Master Degrees and some are Clinical Psychologists with a PHD. Most of them specialize in grief counseling, as well as other services. It would be up to you to select someone, check out their years of experience, meet with them and decide if you are comfortable with that particular person and determine if this person will be able to help you. After a few sessions, if you find that you feel better, continue, otherwise, select another counselor. Its up to you to select a male or female. Select someone in which you feel that you would be more comfortable with. I was seeing a grief counselor (clincial social worker) for about 9 months and she did help me, however, her schedule changed and I needed to select a new counselor. I selected a clincial psychologist, this time, who also provides grief counseling. I start seeing her next week. I have been fortunate to be able to talk with a few friends that have experienced the loss of a loved one and they understand the process. It has been and continues to be comforting to be able to talk with someone when you feel sad and emotional. Unfortunately, there are times when that someone is not always available and I am glad to say that having this website has also helped me a great deal . Sometimes, just reading the topics and posts are a help and when you do get responses from all the caring and considerate people on this website, well, that helps too. Just know, that it does get better, but, it takes time and you will have your good days and bad days. Don't get discouraged. Be good to yourself. There is no timetable. Take it one day a time. Return to this website whenever you need to. We can all help each other. I have also found comfort by reading alot of books on grieving. The most recent book, I read, which has helped me a great deal, is called: Life after Loss: A Practical Guide by Bob Deits. You can find it at the library or bookstore and it is also available online at lifeafterlossonline.com Try to get that book. It will help. Be well. take care, James

Dear Missyme: I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. It is good that you are seeing a grief counselor and also using this website. Sometimes just reading the topics and posts are a help in itself. Just know that your loss is so fresh and your feelings are all normal and expected. Don't let what others think bother you. Be good to yourself. You need to grieve and mourn for your loved one. Crying will heal you. Just do it if you need to. It will get better. I lost my mother on March 20, 2009, about 11 months ago. The 1st 6 to 9 months were difficult, but, I got through it and it did get better. Along the way, as it gets better, there are setbacks and the sadness comes and goes. You have good days and bad days. I found alot of comfort in reading alot of books on grief. I also was able to speak to a few people who understood about grief and they gave me comfort too. If you are able to find 1 or 2 people, besides your counselor, it may be another way for you to cope better. Try to get this book, Life after Loss, by Bob Deits. Check the library or bookstore. It is also available to purchase online at Lifeafterlossonline.com. Just know that there is no timetable for grieving. Take it one day at a time. take care, James

Hi BeautifulMistakes: I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom and Granny. I lost my Mom about 11 months ago and while I believe that I am better, I still have those moments of sadness and despair every day, even though I keep busy and go on with my life. I have learned early on that crying is ok and it does not matter if you are male or female. The trouble is, that most males were brought up to be strong and not cry and alot of them still believe that they should not cry or grieve. They're from the old school. They just don't get it. They can also be afraid to express their emotions or they just don't know how. I am not saying that you should let your father off the hook, not at all, I just thought you might give him some slack and understand that he is grieving in his own way. Besides, you do love him. I can understand what you are saying because my brother is grieving as your father is and my brother also shows some anger and bitterness. He is older and also from the old school of thought. I just keep my distance from my brother and do what I do. I believe it is best to just give them their space and let them be for awhile. I learned early on that you cannot get the comfort and support from family or friends as you might expect. I found this website right after my Mom died and it was a big help to me. I also found a grief counselor and saw her for about 9 months. She helped. I also attended an 8 week bereavement group at a local church. I keep in touch with the people in the group and we meet occasionally and talk about how we are all coming along. We support each other. I am presently attending a weekly bereavement group and that is helping me too. We need all the help we can get and its out there. Look into it, It really helps make it a little more bearable. Like I mentioned earlier about crying. I cried alot during the first 6 to 9 months and I thought I would never stop. It does help. If you get emotional, just let it out. Crying heals. It lets out the toxins in our body. We need to grieve and mourn for our loved ones. There is no timetable. It could take 2 or 3 years or more. Take as long as you need. Take it one day at a time. I have been reading alot of books on grieving and have learned alot of things that I never knew. That has helped me too. I recommend a really good book called, Life after Loss by Bob Deits. Check the library or bookstore. This book will help you. I went on your website and I am very impressed. I enjoyed your video about your business and what you said about your Mom and Granny. I am sure that they would be very proud of you. I will view your website again and tell everyone to check it out. Be well, take care, James

Dear Bell: 5 weeks is such a short time for you or anyone to be "over it". Just know, that your feelings are normal. You are entitled to be sad. You need to grieve and mourn for your loss. If you need to cry, then cry. Crying is what heals us. It will get better. Just take it one day at a time. I am so sorry for the loss of your father. My father died 10 years ago and my mother died about 11 months ago on March 20th. My mother was 87, but, age makes no difference. Although she had some health issues, she was doing fine for her age. It was unexpected and I don't think we can ever be ready to lose our loved ones. I loved my mother very much and I still miss her very much. I found this website early on and it really did help me and continues to help. I also found a grief counselor who I saw for about 9 months and I attended a bereavement support group at a local church for 8 weeks. I still attend another bereavement group that meets every Monday evening from 6-7 PM. All these things have helped me get through this journey. Its not easy, but, we need to go through it. I have an older brother that is grieving his way and I cannot really get much support from him. He has the attitude that life goes on and I can understand that, but, I need to grieve and mourn for my loss. I was close to my mother and I was also her caregiver. When you have a close relationship with a loved one, it makes it more difficult to get through it. I remember a saying from the bereavement group, that, grief is like a snow storm, you cannot go around it, you need to go through it. Family members and also friends are not necessarily able to give us the support we may need. They may not be able to deal with it or they just don't know what to say. That's why it is important to find someone that does get it and is able to give you the support and comfort you need. Try to see a grief counselor and after a few months, you may consider attending a bereavement group. It all helps. Keep coming to this website and read the topics and posts. Sometimes just reading the posts are a help too. I read a book titled Life after Loss by Bob Deits, M. Th. You may be able to get it from your local library or bookstore or it can be ordered online at lifeafterlossonline.com This book helped me alot. Be well, take care, James

Dear Daughter 2010' I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died on March 20, 2009. It's been 10 months now and I am better than I was, but, I still miss her very much and I also miss that I cannot hug her too as you expressed about your father. Just know that you are early on with your journey, being only 3 months. It takes more time and always remember that there is no time limit. It does get better, but, you will always remember. Its only normal, its only human, that we love our loved ones. I saw a grief counselor for about 7 months and it did help me. I also found this website and like you said, reading the many topics and posts has helped me realize too that I was not alone and when I am not able to talk to a friend or relative, this discussion group is a great comfort. I also attended an 8 week bereavement group at a local church and that also helped me. I am attending a weekly bereavement group and I get alot of support from this group too. I've been very active to get help because I felt I really needed it and it does help. I am out of work since July because of the economy, but, I am getting unemployment. This time off has helped me too, because I was having a rough time with my journey of grief and mourning. I keep busy, I have read alot of books on grief at the library and that has also helped. I work out 5 days a week, I visit some friends that are comforting because they know about grief. Some people cannot deal with it and they change the subject. I stay clear of those people. You know, people say to you at the funeral, if you need anything, let me know and then you never hear from these people. Its not that these people don't care, its just that some people cannot deal with it and they really don't know what to say. Alot of people have not really gone through grieving or mourning or if they did have losses in their life, they just don't deal with it. The point is, which I learned early on, you need to grieve and mourn for your loved one and seeing a grief counselor will help you a great deal. The grief counselor will also discuss with you the advantages of attending a bereavement group too. I never thought I would get passed the first three months, but, I did. Take one day at a time and remember that there is no time schedule. Take as much time as you need and don't let anyone tell you that you should be over it. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. Be well, James

Hi Deb: I lost my mother on March 20, 2009 almost 10 months. My father died ten years earlier in 1999. I can understand what you mean about feeling like an orphan. I am almost 57 years old too. I was caregiver to my mom and although she had health issues, she was doing well. She was getting around and always had a great attitude. She was beautfiul and loving and always looked on the bright side. I took her out to eat, took her to the beauty salon, took her to her doctors, went on vacation together. My Mom was 87,but, age makes no difference. I was hoping and expected her to be around longer. One can never prepare for the loss of a loved one. I thought I was feeling better and I sometimes think I am better,but, I dont think being better is the right word. Like you said, it does not really get better. I suppose we kind of adjust to it. We all have our good days and bad days. I hope you have better days ahead. My mother used to say, there are better days ahead. Be well, take care, James

Hi Kat, I am sorry about the loss of your husband. I think I understand what you mean about not wanting to say goodbye to "2009". It seems that as time goes by, we start to feel better or we think we are feeling better and then we get that feeling that we may forget our loved one or we feel some guilt about feeling better and then our emotions take over. Just remember that you will always have your wonderful memories of your loved one even though the year is over. I lost my mother 9 months ago on March 20th. I was her caregiver and was close to her. I loved her very much and I miss her very much. I feel better,but,I still have my good days and bad days. I think about her every day,but,I keep busy and distract myself. I am not working at present because of the economy,but,I do alot of reading, work out, visit a few friends when I can. Distractions help,but,there are days when I need to grieve and mourn and if I feel the urge to cry, well, I cry. It all helps. It does. I attend a weekly bereavement group and I attended an 8 week group at my local church. I have also been seeing a one on one grief counselor. This website has helped me also. The people on this website can be very helpful and comforting. Keep reading and posting. It will help you. Take it one day at a time and remember that it takes time to heal. There is no set time schedule. Be good to yourself. Be well. take care, James

I too lost my mother on March 20th of this year and it truly does hurt. You surely need time to grieve and mourn for your beloved mother. I am sure you loved her very much. Just be aware that everything you are feeling is normal and you need to go through it in order to heal,but,you also need to take a short break and distract yourself from your pain and sorrow. Your father may be right for you to go on with your wedding. This is something you should really think about and discuss with your fiance'. Possibly you can shorten the reception and/or modify it somewhat, so that it would make it more comfortable and acceptable to you. You may consider seeing a grief counselor. A grief counselor can help you too and advise you. This website is very good. The people on this website are very caring and comforting and will also help you in some way. Just reading about the many experiences we have all been through really helps us all realize that we are not alone. There are no easy answers or quick fixes. Just remember that it does take time and it does get better. As far as people asking how you are, I agree that alot of people do not get it, they just don't seem to understand what it feels like to lose a loved one or how it feels to be grieving,especially,that it has not been that long since you lost your loved one. Some people,unfortunately,may have not experienced the loss of a loved one or maybe just do not want to deal with it and they may mean well by constantly asking you how you are. I would say that you are doing the best you can do and if you are not feeling better, tell them the truth. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you find the strength to get through this journey. Try to see a grief counselor and until you do, go to the library and read some books on grief. They were a big help to me and I have been seeing a grief counselor for the last 9 months also. It all helps. Be well. Take care. James

Hi Cubby, Sorry for your loss.. If you have health insurance,a one on one grief counselor would be covered. Check with your health insurance company. Grief counselors are usually Psychologists that specialize in grief as well as other specialities. If you do not have health insurance, you may consider visiting a church or other religious organization and seek some advice from a priest or pastor. They will be able to help you, usually at no charge. My mother died 8 months ago and while I started feeling better, I still have my moments of sadness and sorrow. Its a rough road to travel. There is no set time. Remember this Cubby, everyone that has lost a loved one has the same feelings you are having. We think we are ok and feeling better and then it hits us, the reality of it. Its an emotional roller coaster. Try to be easy on yourself. You should attend another bereavement group. It will help you. There's no law saying you attend a bereavement group once and thats it. Grieving can take months or years. Whatever it takes. As long as it helps you, thats what counts. You need to talk about your loved one and if you need to cry, then you should cry. Crying is what heals us. You said it has been a year. So, a year does not necessarily mean anything. Some of us need more than a year. There is no timetable. Just take 1 day at a time. It will get better. We will all have good days and bad days,but,it does get easier or less intense. Like I said, it has only been 8 months for me and I expect that it will be more than a year for me too. Check out another bereavement group and a grief counselor or religious person. Try everything that can help. Keep posting on this site and all the wonderful people on this site will help also. take care and be well. James

Dear Em: I am so sorry that you are not feeling better,but,it is good that you are distracting yourself. We all need a break from our mourning,but,we do need to mourn our loved one so that we will be able to heal from our sadness and sorrow. I must admit,though,that I feel the same way. I started feeling better for the last few weeks and then I felt guilty for feeling better and the reality set in and I get sad and become emotional all over again. But, it was not as bad as it was previously. I think it is good for you to be reading and distracting yourself. I've been doing the same thing. I've been attending a bereavement group for the last 8 weeks at this local Catholic Church and it has helped me. I also see a one on one grief counselor every few weeks. She helps too. The rest is up to me. I started working out for the last 3 months and that has helped me too,although,sometimes during my workout I think about my mother and it makes me sad,but,I just tell myself to keep going and continue on. I learned at the bereavement group that it is important to talk about your loved one to whoever you are able to confide in that understands or gets it and that is not uncomfortable with it. I can understand that it may be difficult to find that person. If you cannot find that kind of person, try to see a grief counselor and attend a bereavement group in your area. Most of the bereavement groups are free. If you have health insurance, you can also see a grief counselor on a one on one basis also. It will really help. Please keep me informed on how you are coming along. Have not seen you posting for awhile. Always remember,Em,that what you are feeling is similar to what we are all feeling about our loved ones. There are no quick fixes. There is no timetable. It does get better. It does get easier. Post here more often and all the wonderful people on this website will help too. Keep me informed. Be well. James

Hi Boo! Glad to see you on the forum. Was wondering how you were doing. Glad to know that you are ok,but,working hard. I suppose work is good. I've been keeping busy too. I had some painting to do in the apartment that we rent and that has been a distraction for me. I still do my reading in between and I've been attending a new bereavement group that I started a few weeks ago at a local Catholic church. I had my doubts at first,but,it does seem to be helping me. This group is on Wednesdays for 8 weeks. I also attend a non religious bereavement group which meets every Monday evening. It sounds like I am attending alot of groups,but,I have learned different aspects of grieving from each one and it has helped me. I still see a one on one grief counselor,but,only every few weeks. It has been 7 months since my mother died and I do get my moments,and,although I become emotional and fear that I am stepping back again,I believe that it is not as intense as it was. I suppose that time does make a difference. I realize now that there is no timetable and it could take a certain amount of time for some and a certain amount of time for others. The groups have stressed this and I understand it better now. Looking forward to seeing you when you are able to join us on the forum. You are always an inspiration to all of us. Be well! James

Hi farawaydaughter... Sorry to hear of the loss of your father. My mother died on March 20,2009 and my father died on March 20, 1999 which was 10 years earlier. I am also an adult and I was caregiver to my mother. My mother was 87 and I loved her very much and I miss her very much. Age makes no difference. We never want to see our loved ones go. I have also been having a rough time,but,it has become less intense. Do realize, for you, it is only 3 weeks and it is normal and understandable for you to feel as you do. I can understand the part about feeling like an orphan. I can also understand about how some people cannot understand what another person is going through. My brother is grieving in his own way and does not really give me any support. You need to get the support from those that are understanding and comforting. This forum has alot of caring and considerate people that will share their experiences with you and will help you. Read the postings and articles. They really do help. You may consider seeing a grief counselor or priest, pastor, or rabbi, depending on your religion. Grieving is rough and always remember that if you feel like crying..its okay. Crying helps us to heal. Give yourself time.. There is no timetable. Be well. James

Dear Em: I am so sorry and I know what you mean. It happened to me today. I was doing fine for a few days and I started thinking about our last vacation (my mother and I) and the reality has hit me that she will not be with me anymore and it hurts so bad. I've been crying all day. I went to the post office and just could not stop crying,although, I did let up while I was inside. Then I went to the bank and continued crying. Stopped for awhile and cried on and off for the rest of the day. It's just one of those days again. I cherish the memories,but,as you said,the memories are so real and then the reality is so real too. Hope you feel better. Hope I feel better too. Be well and let me know how you're doing when you're up to it. take care, James