I Just Lost My Sweetheart, Priscilla

[Trina]

I am so overwhelmed with grief. My Priscilla Sue died on Friday. It was completely unexpected. She had seizures and was being treated for them. Wednesday night, I came home from a concert and found her in my son's room making this moaning noise. I gave her some meds and she still made that noise and seemed as if she could not walk. I called the vet and he was unsure at that point what to do and was going to consult with a Veterinary Neurologist to see what we should do, but warned me that I may need to start making decisions. Thursday night, she still seemed lethargic, would not eat (even tuna! Her favorite thing!) and would only drink if I gave it to her via her med syringe. I held her the entire night wrapped in an old baby blanket with a towel around her bum since she wet herself a few times. She seemed more like a doll than my sweetheart. I was going to have her put to sleep Friday. So, I wanted her to know that I loved her so very much. I put her in her bed around 10:30 that morning and took a nap since I had been up all night holding her. Around 11:30, my husband woke me up and told me she had passed. I have been crying ever since.

'Scilla was the everything of everything I have ever wanted in a cat. She LOVED to snuggle. We snuggled all the time. We spent every waking hour together and even slept snuggling. My marriage has been failing for quite sometime, so I am in a completely different room and bed than my husband. My room was 'Scilla's as well. My bed was 'Scilla's too. My kids joked and called her my wife because we spent so much time together snuggling. And in a way, she was. All my hopes, dreams (good or bad), fears and deep secrets were shared with her. When I needed love and affection, she was there.

'Scilla would stroke my face ever so gently with her paw. She made me feel so loved and wanted. She would do that not only to get back under the covers, but also "just because" when we were snuggling.

I miss her so much. My husband thinks I am nuts. He constantly tells me to get the "F" over it and that she was a stupid cat. I hate him for that. He does not understand. It seems no one does. The most support I have received during this is from her littermate Daphne. Daphne has been at my side through all of this. I love Daphne. She's funny and very sweet. But she is not my 'Scilla.

I am in so much pain. I loved her that much. I cannot just get over it like my husband says.

[Elaine M]

Ear Trina,

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your grief and you have come to the right place. You sound like me. Your situation is very similar to mine. I know you did the best thing for your Scilla. She was sick and that is hard to take. To watch your beloved pet go through pain and suffering is unbearable to say the least. She is isn't in any more pain. Unfortunately, those left behind bear the heartbreak and pain to go on without our "life lines". I have had pets in the past. Most died of old age, or a sickness (My Zorro, 13yr. 12/8/05 heart disease). He cried like that and I was beside myself. I was extremely upset and cried for months, but I also had Nikki my dog, she was my soul mate. She got sick on 7/7/07 and I think she had a stroke, but I kept vigil on her for 6 months. She seemed to get better a little bit. On Dec 22, 2007 she go up to go out, I slept on the sofa near her because she couldnt take the stairs anymore, she went out was in a daze, came in and collapsed. I layed with her and she died 7:40 am in my arms. I loved her so, I carried her to the back of the pickup truck we were going to take her to the vet to be cremated, I was so distrought, when they came to get her, and took her away, my husband said ok were going to SAMS now for groceries.

I hated him for that and always will. We dont sleep together either, he snores, leaves the tv on all night plus the lights. I have my own room. When Nikki died I still had Zoey a 5 yr old tortie and Bob a 15 yr old rescue from woods. Then I found a Calico, I named her Sophie and she soon like 5 days later became a mother to 5 beautiful kittenson 3/27/08. I didnt want the kittens but they soon captured my heart. I decided to give a couple away and keep 2 or 3 of the kittens. One special kitten was a tuxedo black oh so beautiful and loving, I named him Rocky. He was a rock like 20 lbs and all over me all the time. so loving and snuggling. I would wait in my bedroom at night,hurry up I think he would be thinking. He took all the pain and grief I had from my Nikki passing. He listened to me cry at night and was a comfort to me. He was my life line.

Well we live in the woods, but there are roads around, but like over our expansive front you can only see the tops of the cars. we are tucked away on 4 acres. my husband didnt want the cats in the house all the time. "Let them out they like to be out" So he would feed them in the morning and let the newer ones out, Sophie, Rocky, Socks and Monkey Face. Bob and Zoey stayed in. So they got use to staying out and running around the house. On the 15th of January Rocky and Socks darted out the door. I did let them go, I could have stopped them. I should have stopped them. Socks came home at 9 30 but there was no Rocky. i thought he would be back soon. I found him all the way up on the road the next day, he had been hit by a car. My Rocky is gone. He was only 2 years old and had a long life ahead of him with me. I am in pain and dealing with the marital crisis here is becoming unbearable. At least you took good care of your baby. You protected her and cared for her. I have to deal with the guilt of letting them out when I knew there was danger. I will never recover.

So you see you are not alone, we are all grieving here. Some for pets, some for children, husbands,brothers, or sisters. We are all in pain.

I dont know if this helped or not but to know you are not grieving by yourself helps.

There is a chat room Petloss Chat room. Everyone there has the same feelings. You can find someone on most of the time at night mostly.

There is a candlelight ceremony on Monday nights 10 eastern I know you will find consolation there.

Be well my friend, Elaine

[Elizabeth149]

Dear Trina,

You're not alone - even though I know you feel alone. Having an unsupportive husband no doubt makes the grief seem worse because the person closest to you doesn't understand. There are many here who completely understand your grief and sadness. The bond you had with your kitty goes very deep, so the loss is going to go very deep. She knew you loved her and she loved you too. I laid on the floor next to my dog's bed several nights petting her and telling her how much I loved her when she was so sick from her surgery. I actually prayed that she'd go peacefully at home with me holding her like that because the vet's office was so stressful for her but it wasn't meant to be. She had cancer and was in so much pain, that I had to have her put down -- it was 2 days before Christmas. I just couldn't let her stay and suffer just to be with me. I know your grief is unbearable right now -- and it probably will be for awhile. It's not something that one day you wake up from and you're fine. It takes months to get through it and it's so hard. All you can really do is take it one day, or even one moment at a time. Tell your husband as gently as you can that he's not helping you any by telling you to get the "f" over it. It's not something you get over, it's something you get through. just like when you lose a human family member, it takes time. You've lost a member of your family and they deserve your attention right now. Try and be kind to yourself and take care to eat nutritiously and get as much rest as you can. I lost my dog Chela in March and then in Dec. I lost my dog Casper and I'm a mess most of the time. I can't even sleep without medication. I'm just pushing through each day as best as I can trying to accept this horrible hole in my heart and soul. I hope you get the support you need here since your husband isn't being helpful. He just doesn't understand. Just know you aren't alone. Yes, we each have our own grief process to go through but sharing it with others who understand helps lesson the pain a tiny bit. There are chat lines you can join that deal with petloss - and I've found them to be very helpful. Hang in there and remember when things get overwhelming - just take one moment at a time. Remember Priscilla isn't in any pain and she's at peace.

Take care,

Elizabeth