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Mood Swings


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Lately I have been experiencing mood swings that bounce back and forth throughout the day and night. I can wake up in a decent mood, go out for a run, get ready and go to work all before 4am and then be reduced to a a terribly sad mood instantly from I don't know what cause. I've paid attention to diet, exercise, sleep habits, everything. What may work one night, morning or afternoon won't the next. I have analysed this and it's driving me mad. Why can't I get a hold on what is causing my highs and tap into that?!

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Because emotions are not things to conquer, they are not an object to move. Feelings are not miles to jog, or foods to eat.

Emotions and grief are like the wind. You can not control it, it just washes over you like an unexpected wave of the ocean tide. Predictable yet different each time. You can't fight it, you can't control it...all you can do is ride it out, like a surfer. Sometimes you catch the perfect wave, and the memory sets you soaring, and other times what looks like the same wave tosses your butt in the air and you get a mouthful of saltwater sand.

It's all about control, my friend; and we have to admit we have no control over the loss of our loved ones, and no control over our grief.....

sucks....doesn't it ? !

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being a type A person myself, I too tried to control this and gave up about six months after Scott passed. The more I gave into my feelings and allowed myself to feel them the better I became or, more stable I became. I honestly kept thinking that if I didnt keep a perfect house, work like I didn't loose my best friend that I was or would be OK... not so... Like the wise person who posted before me. we have NO control over this and to fight it, is useless and only causes me to feel even more like a failure and... I still have the broken heart!!.

this is the most significant, life changing event I will ever go through in my lift and it is simply going to take me some time... I will not conquer the passing of the love of my life and my best friend, I will just get through it, God willling, one day at a time.


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I've realised too that not everything can be planned for and managed well. I can't find the elusive formula/thing/activity or words that will make me or keep me alright with the fact that he's never going to be here with me again.

My turning point came when a grief counsellor asked 'what if these horrible feelings never go away?'. I thought long and hard and realised I may have to accept the downs and the 'down furthers' as just the way it is for however long it takes.

I don't like it, I don't want it but fighting it made me worse. Accepting that the awful times will come back made me stronger somehow. I take the good times when they arrive , and although I protest the bad times that come without warning, I just let them have their way. I'm still in survival mode after 6 months.

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