Leading Up To Special Days Seems To Be Far Worse Than The Actual Day

[laurieb]

Wow, It has happened over an over again these last 10 months since I lost Scott, birthdays, Christmas, and this month with our Anniversary (23 yrs) Valentines Day (the last holiday we spend together) and his birthday all within 2 weeks have been unbearable leading up to it and ... surprisingly enough I feel ok. With tomorrow being Valentines day, I feel ok. I don't know why either.This is not to say that I will not cry as I lay a red rose when I visit him tomorrow or say a prayer in church but I KNOW Scott loves me and even though he is not here for a hug, he is there, (I lbelieve) loving us all. I had a wonderful dream last night and I believe that might have helped me as well. He and my Grandma (who also just passed away 5 months ago), were here helping me and the boys. I cant remember what we needed help with but the comfort I woke up with was sooooo welcomed. I just wanted to share that as I feel sometimes I only write when I am feeling so blue. I am so grateful for today, the peace I feel and for all I do have. I have all of you who understand and I can't share how important it is to me to be able to move through this painful journey.

Is it just me or do all of you go through the same thing with "leading up to special days" ?

My heart goes out to all of you as we face Vaentines Day and everyday without our loves. Please know that you are not alone.

Love

Laurie

[Kat2005]

Laurie,

I do agree. I don't know about you but I constantly think about that "special day" before it comes. When it arrives it isn't as bad as I thought. I found the holidays especially hard after they were actually over. Being around alot of family helped tremendously. It was the quiet afterwards that was so hard. The next major milestones that I will reach are our anniversary in April and my birthday two weeks later on May 1st. I know family and friends will be there for me but there will always be that alone time. I know I can always come here if that time gets too hard.

Take care,

Kat

[Korina]

Absolutely agree about the special days. In particular, our wedding anniversary was a month and a bit after he died. Just prior, I found this site. I was desparate, feared the day to an extent, cried, planned, prayed, wrote. And the day was not nearly as bad as those preceding days. I believe, along with my plans to be busy (but not too busy) so I wouldn't be alone for long stretches, that he was there to help me. Scott hated to see people in pain.

Take care,

Korina

[mlg]

I agree for the most part. I know some people think about the "date" (the numerical aspect - like th 18th of every month) which I never obsessed over. The actual anniversary of Tom's death has not been as bad as I anticipated as far as him dying. I just have problems with the fact that people will come to Mass for him and then it's like everybody just separates. I don't know what I expect but I'd just like to hear someone say something about him, I guess.

Tom died on 1/18 and then our anniv was 2/6 Valentine's day 2/14 and my b'day 2/23 so Feb is actually worse for me. Valentine's day this year was absolutely TERRIBLE this year. It was one of the loneliest days I have felt in 2 years. Last year I was in FL with 2 other widow friends and I think just being with someone helped. This year the weather was not good so no one wanted to get out and all the "love" stories, movies and songs all weekend really got to me.

So I guess what I am saying is a lot of it depends on the frame of mind that you are in when the actual day gets here. It's a shame but it seems if we keep ourselves busy we all do better, but I wish I knew how we could be OK and just be ourselves.