New To This Site And This Type Of Grief

[ARiddle729]

Hi – I am new to this site and new to this type of grief. I lost my husband of 27 years on February 13, 2010. We were high school sweethearts, best friends, and soul mates. We had known for 3 years that Dan had stage 4 colon cancer, but he did really well until a rapid decline in his last month. When the end came, it was so much faster than I had ever expected. He was so unbelievably strong and positive throughout his illness. He fought to the end, never gave up, and yet was also very accepting and unafraid of death. His example has helped me be strong these past days. However, the hurt is so much worse than I thought it would be. The actual physical pain from this grief is something for which I was totally unprepared. I am truly thankful for my children and grandchildren and know I am very blessed to have them in my life. But I don’t cry around them (except the first day or so) or talk to them about the pain and loneliness. I have never had anyone with whom to share my rawest emotions. Dan was the only person on this earth that I could share any part of myself with. Reading some of the posts on this site has helped me, so I thought I would give it a shot to see if posting my own thoughts would help even more. Thanks to any who have listened.

[missyme]

I too am new to grief this devastating. I lost my brother on January 8, 2010. My brother was 36 years old and has a 16yo son. I have been sleepless and restless angry and sad. I can only say that we are lucky to have a community to come to and to give words to the pain that we are feeling. It gives comfort to know that others have been through and survived this grief.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Ron B.]

ARiddle729,

Welcome. Most of us here have been through the depths of grief. You will be understood. The heart-felt feeling runs pretty deep. I hope this community helps you. I have no advice, except what most people here have said. You have to go through the grief rather than around it.

I've been able to write about my own grief here in considerable detail. Just writing about it has helped. And some of the responses to my posts have been extraordinarily helpful. Helps me think 'out of the box'; I'm less stuck not knowing what to do.

I'd like to hear more about how you are doing. It must be hard to contain your own grief in front of your children. Seems to be a protective strength you have. Still, the grief has to find outlets. I can't imagine bottling up grief completely. The outlets I've had have been through siblings, this forum, and counselors. I hope you too find avenues of support and good communication.

Best,

Ron B.

[Korina]

To both of you new folks, I am so sorry you had to find us, but am glad you are here. I lost my husband of 10 years (20 years together) 8 months ago. I was completely unprepared, though I had known intellectually it could happen. I reached out to anyone who would listen, and have been very lucky in the people around me. And when I found this forum, it was a great relief to be able to read or write anytime I needed to. There is a great deal of support here; understanding in regards to the roller coaster of emotions, how debilitating the grief process can seem, but of how necessary it is to travel through it, as Ron said. I cannot imagine doing it alone, and with this forum, you are never alone.

Lots of hugs,

Korina

[Susie Q]

I am so sorry that you are feeling the depths of despair that I also didn't know existed until I lost my husband of 32 years (40 together)in August 09. I hope you will return as often as you need to. This site has helpe dthrough some very dark patches. Susie Q

[ARiddle729]

Thanks for listening and the support through your replies. I am surrounded by loving family and friends, but as I said I have never been able to open up to people. I know it is not good to internalize all of this but it is just the way I am made. 16 years ago I suffered the loss of a still born baby girl and was never able to share my deepest feelings of loss about it. The difficult birth left me in the hospital for a week in late fall. When I entered the hospital the trees were all the beautiful reds, oranges, and yellows of fall, but when I came home all of the leaves were gone and everything looked dead. This was a stark reminder of her death and upset me terribly. Even after 16 years, it still bothers me to see the dead leaves and bare trees at the end of fall. Yet, I have never told anyone about the feelings of loss and despair that it brings to me. I wish I had shared these feelings with my husband, but I could not tell even him how much it hurt. At that time, it was the worst thing I had ever gone through and it was nothing compared to the pain and loneliness I feel now. I know how hard it was for me to struggle through those feelings alone and I don't want that to happen this time. That is why I joined this forum.

Thanks again

Angie