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I Lost My Baby Brother

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My younger brother, Greg, dies on February 7, 2010

He was 6 1/2 years younger than me. He was 33 when he passed. I was at home and laying in bed. The phone rang and it was a friend that called me to tell me that my brother had died. My brother had a problem with drugs for many years. He would go long periods of time where he was clean then some thing would snapin his head and then he would do whatever it took to get the drugs. This has been harder than I ever thought it would be. He had worked for me for the last 5 years and also lived in the apartment above my shop. It is hard coming to work every day and not have my brother there. I know he is gone and that cant change but I keep thinking that this must be a bad dream and that IO shouldn't have had to bury my younger brother.

I was the one that had to call my Mom and Dad and let them know what has happened. My mom and I had been trying to get him the help he needed. We were close to getting him into a year long program but it was put on hold until we talked to the courts regarding a DUI issue. He so desperately wanted to be normal. He hated who he was when he was using. Just a few days earlier we were talkng and he was telling me how hard it was. I know that I cant changed what has happened but I cant help to think about all of the "What If's" Like I said I know that I cant change the past nor can I bring him back but I am just bothered that he was in some kind of pain before he left this world.

I loved my brother with every ounce of energy I had. Our family was never the same after my parents divorced when we were young kids. It was just Mom, Greg and I. We were a strong family with out a father. I guess I was always looking out for him. I am just so consumed with thoughts of never being able to see him again and also feel some regret on how I felt I treated him in the last few years. I own a struggling business and we have not had regular paychecks for years. He would receive free rent, cell phone and all that would go along with needing to survive. If he needed food I would go buy it for him. If he needed smokes I would buy that too, beer etc... I knew tha giving him some money could lead him down this path.

He had been clean for some time until he met some local girl that also had her drug problems. Until then he didnt have any local connections and that kept him clean. Once I knew she was no good I tossed her out of the apartment but by then he found out who the local dealer was.

I was able to spend the day before with him. We had a nice time too. I even saw him the day he died. I was pushing for him to come with me to my inlaws to watch the Superbowl but he wanted to stay with some friends at the bar nextdoor. I only wished that I urged him a little harder.

I know that with God, friends and family I will make it through this rough time but I just cant get this out of my head.

I miss him soo much and wish this never happened. I know that the police are doing everything they can to catch this dealer but I will never see him again. He will never get to see the kids I hope to have some day. I will never hear his voice live again.

I was married a few months ago and he was my bestman. He did a great job and I guess was very happy to have been involved with our special day. Many people tell me that when he would talk about the day he would be happy about it and have some kind of glow to him when he talked about it.

SOrry for the rambling I guess I just needed to tell someone else about our pain.

Please tell me this will get easier.


your brother,


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Mike - It will get easier. My first two months were a black despair. Now it's 4 months since my loss. I cry every day, but otherwise I am ok. I don't have any advice. You do well just by writing here. Somehow it heals us when we share our grief. - Ron B.

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My heart breaks for you and I know your pain. My brother, John, died on January 8, 2010. He was 36 years old with a pretty similar history to your brother's. I hear in your post a sadness for the type of life your brother lived. I feel that too. Our parents went through a nasty divorce when we were young and I think my brother definitely needed our Dad who wasn't there for him.

It's been 8 weeks today since I lost my brother and I am just now starting to feel like I will be ok. I don't think it hurts any less but I think you get more used to how bad it hurts. One thing I know is that there is so much pain in addiction and they are not hurting any more.

I will pray for you.


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Mike, dear, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I simply cannot imagine the depth of your pain in the face of this tragic death of your kid brother. I hope you won't mind if I point you to an earlier thread that contains some information that I think will have resonance for you: My Baby Sister is Gone. Please be sure to read through all the posts in the thread ~ and know that we're all thinking of you and holding you in in our hearts.

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I lost my brother on 2/16/10 & I feel such a loss that it is unimaginable. I loved him dearly as you did your brother. From what I understand it is only time that can make you feel better, time & the understanding & support of your loved ones. I have been trying this forum board to communicate my grief & get the feelings of others so that I can have some perspective that what I am feeling is what I am supposed to feel. It seems that everyone grieves differently & some for longer than others from what I can gather. I hope that your process is short. Keep busy & try to keep positive thoughts. Joe.

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