I Need...something

[loulou]

Well,It's Easter Sunday.I have just been left behind by my fiancee and son.I'm sitting here alone and after 3 long months I cant seem to get my life back to normal.My fiancee just asked me how long Im gonna use the excuse of being sad about my dad.I'm so hurt by those words.I know everyone in my life is sick of me,but I honestly dont talk about it constently,I'm just very very sad.I miss my dad so much that every occasion that comes up I cant stop thinking of him.My realtionship with my fiancee is crumbling,the one with my mom is crumbling,my friends also.I feel that it is my fault,but how can it be my fault when I didnt cause this?Why cant people give me more slack?No one loved him like I did,but cant they at least let me have my grief?I need some honesty about this,so please let me know,am I causing this?Is it unhealthy for me to still be devestated by this?How should I handle all of my relationships?they are falling apart with the rest of me.I'm sitting here crying my eye's out,on Easter.I used to spend every Easter with my dad and grandpa and grandma.They are all dead now,and I have never felt more vunerable or alone.I need something,but he is gone.

[niamh]

Loulou as always I am just so sorry for you. I am hating today more than "normal" days. Had some family that I don't really talk much with come for dinner. I didn't speak a word,finished dinner cleaned up and left them. They are keeping my mom company but I just wish they would leave.i'm lying on my bed just aching for my Daddy and all i think is all of these stupid holidays I now have to put up with. I wish I could sleep and wake up wherever Daddy is. I can't help how I feel,like you nobody loved my Dad like me. These family who called are al chirpy laughing and on top of the world.I want to scream at them to get out, f.off,shut up,stop laughing and being so F.chirpy etc etc etc. I just feel SOOOO alone and lonely.I want my Dad to mind me. I want your Dad to mind you.

I don't know what to say to you,it isn't your fault. I don't think you are causing anything,we can't help how we feel,how heavy our broken hearts are. I'm so sorry your fiancée hurt you so much. I can't take anyone saying anything negative to me,had a stupid manager do it friday in work.(set me off in panic attack oh the way home).

I just feel this is the new me now,quiet and sad and tough luck if ur missing the old one coz she's gone with Daddy.

Sending you lots and lots and lots of Daddy girl hugs and love. My tears are with yours now

ni, xoxox

[loulou]

Niamh,you are always there for me.You seem to know just how Im feeling.I even went to the bookstore today to find the book you recommended.I couldnt find it though.not yet anyway.It is hard every holiday without our daddies.I just couldnt face any family today who is all chipper and happy.Why dont people understand?I will never know.My brother did call to tell me he is feeling sad,and how much he misses dad,too.

[Kavish]

Hi,

For me all my relationships took a back seat after my friend died. I know it is not the same as family but for me my friend was my biggest supporter and never told me to do something different which I did not want to or critiqued me ever even if I did not do anything. She always forgave me. I feel her stronger than ever since i do not revel in the present or dwell on the past but look towards the future...

I know I may not have helped you here, but just wanted to add how I feel.

Take care,

Kavish

[loulou]

Kavish,Your post helps.My dad was actually a very huge part of me because he has been my bestfriend my whole life.He wasnt the best Father Figure,but he was the one person that knew me through and through.He was the bestfriend I could have hoped for.He never judged,and was always there for ANYTHING.During high school,I lived with him [not my mom] and he was the coolest funnest person in the world.I grew up and our relationship changed again.We have children the same age,so we would spend hours on the phone everyday for the last 10 years chatting like old ninnies.The most people mis understand is that I lost my dad AND my bestfriend.I talked to him 3 times the day he died.I think I understand your loss of a bestfriend.Its unbelievable.I also loss a close friend to murder when I was a teen.I witnessed her murder and testified against her murders.Im very glad you responded.You made me remember how much he was my FRIEND and daddy.Missing him as him,not just my father is painful.I'm sorry for your loss.Im here if you ever need to vent.

[niamh]

I'm right there with you,Dad was my best friend too.He was always my Daddy and I was always his little one and only but as I grew up we became such best friends.even as a teenager he would advise me and my friends on what to do about the guys we fancied :-). I just miss so many of the little things we did together or that he was part of. Made dinner tnte for myself and just sat eating it alone thinking Dad you always loved this dinner on Easter Monday.

I can't send jokes to his email anymore and I hate not getting any.his emails always brought a smile to my face.there is no part of my life at all he wasn't somehow part of so no matter what i do there's a reminder of this enormous gap that can never be filled.

He was my security blanket,now it's cold without him. I hope he's just making another for me in a different form that I will feel again someday.

Thanks as always,you all are special friends as we go this journey.

HUGS!!

[SHeiss]

Lou Lou – I am so sorry to hear you are still in pain. I wish there was something I could do for you to alleviate it if even for a little while. My dad is not gone yet, but the doctor has said by the end of the year. My husband has said certain things to me about my dad that have cut me inside beyond repair and I am still very upset with him about it and I think that is why I am pushing him away from me.

I am sorry about your mom and husband not giving you time to grieve. 3 months is such a short amount of time for people to think that you should be up and chipper and have forgotten about your pain. I am here if you ever need to just talk about it. I have my moments too where I just think about my dad and I can't snap out of it. I just don't know what I will do with him gone.

From what I hear, time heals all wounds. They never mention how much time is needed to heal. I wish you and your family the best.

-Sharla

[loulou]

Sheiss,thank you so very much.I'm so sorry about your dad.It was a blessing that my dad went fast.I wish I had some warning,for my own selfish reasons.But at least there was no suffering.He went from feeling great to gone in 10 minutes.My husband has tried very hard,but he dosnt relate.I have a pink floyd phrase in my head alot"all in all your just another brick in the wall"..lol..I dont know if it makes sense to anyone but me,but I have a feeling you know what I mean.I'm having the most trouble with my mom right now.(she hated my father)and she has a narrow mind when it comes to death...I had to id my dad's body,and lately that memory has been replaying in my mind.I want to remember him well,and happy,but that is not what plays in my mind.I worry I'm going nuts.I'm here for you to vent or talk to.Thank you,and good luck honey,hang in there.

[niamh]

hi Sharla,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, it's a rotten road we walk these days. I don't really know what to say to you to be honest, I lost my Dad so suddenly and unexpectadly....like loulou sometimes I wish I had warning but then you dont want to see your loved one in pain.....so neither way is good or comforting really, it's just horrible regardless. If my Dad were here and terminally ill, honestly I think I would spend every minute of everyday and night with him, talking to him, getting his advice on things that "might" happen, oh there's just so much I would want to say and do. However, being able to do it is a whole other story I guess. I've never lost anyone slowly like that, everyone has been bloody sudden, just snatched away in the still of the night.

I have no words of comfort really other than to say we are all here to listen and share, just a bunch of Daddys girls all longing for their dearest Daddies. (or other loved ones too obviously) You will find some real special people here that much I do know. We are all friends in grief now and just try to do this journey together

hugs to you from another little gal, xo

[<3 deeply]

Well,It's Easter Sunday.I have just been left behind by my fiancee and son.I'm sitting here alone and after 3 long months I cant seem to get my life back to normal.My fiancee just asked me how long Im gonna use the excuse of being sad about my dad.I'm so hurt by those words.I know everyone in my life is sick of me,but I honestly dont talk about it constently,I'm just very very sad.I miss my dad so much that every occasion that comes up I cant stop thinking of him.My realtionship with my fiancee is crumbling,the one with my mom is crumbling,my friends also.I feel that it is my fault,but how can it be my fault when I didnt cause this?Why cant people give me more slack?No one loved him like I did,but cant they at least let me have my grief?I need some honesty about this,so please let me know,am I causing this?Is it unhealthy for me to still be devestated by this?How should I handle all of my relationships?they are falling apart with the rest of me.I'm sitting here crying my eye's out,on Easter.I used to spend every Easter with my dad and grandpa and grandma.They are all dead now,and I have never felt more vunerable or alone.I need something,but he is gone.

LouLou,

People are absolutely crazy to think grief is your fault. You couldn't control your dad's death and no one has any right to blame you for anything, if they have ever lost someone they should respect and understand that but, if they haven't they need to lay off. Loss hurts and if you want to see my story you can look on my profile. I know how loss feels and I'm right there with you.