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Trying To Get Passed The Anger Pain And Hurt

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post-13787-12705653767_thumb.jpgpost-13787-12705653767_thumb.jpgcan anyone give me any advice on how to get past the the anger i have with my daughter?

my husband and i blame ourself for our grandsons death we had seen some bruises on our grandson

and had questioned our daughter about it but she had said he got caught in the couch.i guess what upsets

my husband and myself is i had my grandson from 9am until 3.30pm the day of his death and he was such a happy

baby.and i got a phone call from my daughters neighbor stating that they rushed him to the hospital.my grandson was announced DOA when he got to the hospital i;m trying to understand why my daughter would bring something

so precious into this world and then take it away.it;s a parents worst nightmare to think that your child could do something like this.there both still under investagation.please any advice would be greatly appreciated

grandson was born dec 14th 2009 and sadley passed march 23rd 2010

thank you


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Dear One,

My heart goes out to you as I read the details of this unspeakable tragedy. I simply cannot imagine what you must be feeling in the aftermath of this horrible death, but I can assure you that the anger you are feeling toward your daughter right now is absolutely normal under the circumstances. To discover that such an unthinkable thing can happen ~ to your precious grandchild, possibly at the hands of your own daughter, no less ~ shatters your belief system and virtually destroys your sense of safety in this world.

My dear, I hope you realize that this loss is simply too big and too complicated for you to even consider handling it all by yourself, without outside professional help. I urge you to do whatever you can to find a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief that stems from traumatic loss. You might begin by contacting Parents of Murdered Children and The Compassionate Friends; they can offer you a referral or point you to a local chapter that may be close to you. Also ask your primary care doctor, your hospital, local hospice, church or clergy person and/ or mortuary for a list of bereavement resources in your community. You must not try to deal with this all by yourself!

At the very least, I encourage you to do some reading about traumatic loss and the effects it has on survivors, so you'll have a better understanding of your own reactions and some idea of how to manage them. Please check out the links I've listed on the Traumatic Loss page on my Grief Healing Web site. See especially these articles, A Murder in the Family and Parental Grief in the Wake of Homicide, and note the references mentioned in each. If you don't have the energy or the patience to investigate these resources yourself, please ask a close friend or family member to research them on your behalf. If ever there was a time to ask for help, my dear, this is the time.

Please know that you are being held in gentle thought and prayer by all of us here, and again, accept our deepest sympathy for your tragic loss. :(

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Grandma -

I really don't know what to say or have any sort of advice for you. I just read your post and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what has happened. I wish there was something more I could tell you and the only thing I can think of is that I am so very sorry for your loss and to tell you that there is no "proper way" to grieve. You will do it in your own way and you will heal in your own way.

If you ever need to talk I am all ears even if you just want to cry and yell or just need someone to tell you that it is ok we are all here for you!


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I am so very sorry for your loss. I can relate to your pain only in the fact that I too have lost grandchildren but not in the way that you have. I can’t imagine losing them in the way that you did. But I do want to say you can not blame yourself for what happened. This is not your fault. Part of your anger may be directed at yourself and you cannot do that. I remember when my first grandchild died (I’ve lost two) I blamed myself for not getting to the hosptial sooner. For some reason I thought if I would have gotten there sooner maybe I could have told the doctors what to do. I now know that is not true. I know yours is a whole different case but I just wanted to tell you not to blame yourself. Your grandson knew you loved him. I just want you to know I have said a prayer for you and your family. I can’t imagine what you are going thru . Again, my deepest sympathies you and your husband.

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