New To The Group

[fraublucher2]

I am new to this group. My husband, Jon, died April 6, 2008. I wish I had known about these groups sooner. We were married 44 years, when he was 20 and I was 19. I feel like I flounder around, not knowing what to do without him. I sleep very late and stay up very late. For a while after he died I ate a lot and gained 20 or 30 pounds. Thank God, I have stopped that. I was his caregiver from April 2007 to April 2008, and it was very traumatic. He had kidney cancer. After he had chemotherapy and radiation, he went downhill very rapidly, got pneumonia several times. It was hell watching him go from a man 230 pounds to l50 pounds in that time. I took care of him until it got too difficult- I called my sons and asked for their help, and soon after that I got a caregiver to come in for 12 hours a day. I was scared, so scared when I got the caregiver. It was very expensive. But he deserved the best. He was a good man and I miss him terribly. I'm glad I got help. Jon looked up at Chad, the caregiver, one day and said, "Chad, you are a good man." We only had the caregiver for 5 days when Jon died. He was the love of my life. Thank God, I have faith in Christ, or I would be unable to function at all. I also belong to support groups of various kinds and have been a member for a very long time. It seemed for a long time after he died, I couldn't care about anything. And didn't care that I didn't care. It was frightening. My grief counselor explained it today. He said that the loss was such a huge, overwhelming thing in my life, that everything else seemed small and insignificant next to it. I functioned in a way, but only because I had to. I had to register for Medicare, and couldn't even seem to care very much about that. I did it, though. Last month, I had to have a furbaby (cat named Tigger, l4 years old) euthanized because of cancer, and it has devastated me all over again. I have stopped asking God, "Why, why, why," so much, but sometimes I revert back to the very beginning when I couldn't believe it had happened, that Jon was really gone. Thank you to anyone who reads this. My heart truly goes out to you in your pain and suffering.

[LarrysGirl]

Hi, I read your post and hope you will continue to join us here. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I totally relate to your experience. My Larry died in 2005 and I found this group in 2006. He was a strong guy, built like a football player but seeing him waste away, people wouldn't have recognized him the last year or so. I was his caregiver, he was very sick waiting for a liver transplant and then they found cancer and it was pretty much over. We fought for his life everyday and he was the most courageous person I've ever known. He never gave up. Even though it has been a few years now, I have moments where I still can't believe this has happened and our dreams will not come to pass. I wish you some peace and comfort on your journey. Deborah

[fraublucher2]

Thank you for your post. My Jon played football also. He was 230 lbs. in April 2007 and l50 lbs. in April 2008. He went through Vietnam as a crew chief on a helicopter and door gunner. He was the love of my life. I hoped and prayed and believed up until the day he died that he would be miraculously healed. I was very angry at God, and even my church and the members. It has taken me a long time to start going to church again. We have 3 sons. Everytime I kiss one of them, I realize I am kissing a part of Jon. I still go back to the very beginning into disbelief that it really happened. We were married in l964 when he was 20 and I was 18. I hope your heart can heal and that you will meet many angels without wings on your path. Sharon

[Korina]

Thank you for sharing your story. Scott died when our daughter was only 4.5 months old (she is now 14 months old). While I have a huge hole in my heart (or a chunk ripped out), it is soothed by our beautiful little girl, and his legacy in her; in this, I am blessed.

Take care,

Korina

[DeeGee]

frau,

My condolences to you for the loss of your beloved husband. My husband John also died from kidney cancer. Also a Vietnam veteran, ground forces, marine combat veteran 1967 - 1968 with lots and lots of Agent Orange exposure. Kidney cancer is not a recognized Agent Orange condition, however.

My husband, named John. died seven months ago. I will be applying for Medicare about 6 months from now. I decided to retired from my part-time job after his death. I have not begun my "new life" yet. Just surviving at this point.

My husband died 14 months from the time of his diagnosis. He lost about 60 -70 pounds. He had the kidney removal, the chemo and the radiation. Then it metastacized to his spine, which was just agony for him. And the pain meds dulled it but never really took away the pain.

I cared for him at home, had hospice for the last 10 days. Meaning a nurse came three times in 10 days. He died at home,in a hospital bed in the living room.

I miss him every day. I suspect I always will.

DeeGee

[kayc]

fraublucher2

I wish you could have found this site sooner too, but there are others here with the same timeline as you. I think it's common that grief affects our weight...some lose, some gain, unfortunately, I'm a gainer. We look forward to getting to know you better over the months ahead, please keep coming back.