I'm Missing My Grandmother

[Guest Gamer205]

Hi again all,

As some of you may know I lost my grandmother back on March 16th of this year to Alzheimer's disease, I loved her a lot, She

was truely the best, Always willing before she got so bad sick to help anyone she possibly could, She was always there for me,

She would listen to me, when I was down, She was so careing,

I dont understand why I am feeling so down and pain over this, I knew I would miss her, but I felt I was prepared for this, I

already heard you know that she was in the last stages of the disease, and that it wouldn't be that long that we would have left

with her, I mean I knew this was comming so why is it really hitting me now?

I really miss her, it was all I could do to go visit her after she got so bad and not knowing her family, and then I remeber the worst

time in my life, at least since my friend's death in 2004, going to the grave yard for the services, I feel kinda guilty cause I couldn't

bring myself to get close to the casket or to even look at her in the Casket, it was as if I was trying so hard to just be there, but to

not be there at the same time, I dont know if that makes sense or not, but thats what I was feeling in my mind, I kelpt my distance, I was

there, but not in view of the casket,

What really bother's me is to know now that I dont have her here anymore to talk with or to tell her I love her, I know she knows but its

just so hard, its Strange when you I guess I'm not alone, but you always seem to think no matter what age a person is or at least thats how it is

with me, that you have forever with people untill you realize you dont, and time's gone,

I love her and really missing her right now.

gamer205

[niamh]

hi Gamer,

I'm so sorry about your Grandma.

We are never really prepared are we no matter how much we know beforehand. I haven't experienced anticipatory grief as mine was sudden but I think regardless it's one heck of a shock to the system when it actually happens.

Maybe numbness is wearing off now that it is hitting you so hard. I wish I had words of comfort but I just don't think there are any.

I too just wish I had my Daddy here to talk to, nobody makes up for him so no matter who else I talk to it's not the same, I just want him.

well I hope you keep sharing, I see you've been on here a while so you know how great everyone is here,

hugs to you

niamh

[Guest Gamer205]

Hi niamh

Thank you for your commenting, yes the people here are great, Im Sorry about your sadness as well,

[MartyT]

Robert, dear ~ Bear in mind that current losses usually re-awaken all our feelings about past losses. I know that you've just passed your dear friend Jason's birthday, and the anniversary of his death is coming up at the end of this month, so all of that may be contributing to why you're feeling the loss of your grandmother so acutely right now. In addition, the initial shock of losing your grandmother is probably wearing off right about now, so you're being hit with the full force of that grief as well. It's a little like being in what I call "grief overload." What you're feeling is normal, it is temporary, and it will pass. Just remember that you are not alone; we're still all here for you.

[Guest Gamer205]

Thank you so much Marty,for you and everyone else's support, means a lot.

[loulou]

I'm sorry for your pain Gamer,(the guys in my family are 'gamers' too!)I miss my grandma too.She died years ago from cancer,but I still miss her.Now her son(Daddy)passed on and all I can do is hope they are together again.Along with Grandpa,who I also love and miss dearly.To have that huge part of my family and life gone is strange.It feels like I lost me,if that makes any sense.Its lonely.I just wanted to tell you Im sorry.

[Guest Gamer205]

Thanks for replying to my post,

yeah its like Marty said, I guess You feel like your in a state of shock for a while like your just numb to whats going on,

and then when it wears off you start to feeling and realizeing you know it happened, and there gone, and you start thinking

back to the time you had with them and it gets you to missing them even more,

Wish you well my friend, and sorry for your losses as well.