Guilt Guilt Guilt Guilt

[missyme]

For a long time I felt so guilty that my brother died. As if there was something more I could have done to save him. I know logically that he was an addict and had an addiction that killed him. I just keep feeling bad about all the times that I avoided him because he was using.

Now I am starting to feel better and come out of the deep depression I have been in for the last 6 months. And now the guilt is that my Mom is doing so poorly...she has terrible anxiety, she's not leaving her house much.....So when I am feeling good and I call I hang up so consumed by guilt that I am ok and she's not.

[Nikki]

I am so sorry for your loss. I did not lose a sibling but your subject matter caught my attention. I lost my best friend and love on Jan 13, 2005. Its been 5 years but somedays still stink and i come here and read, listen, and try to help -if thats possible. My love died of a self inflicted gunshot wound to his head, he was an addict/alcoholic and i had terrible guilt-he was a kind sweet sensitive person but the disease had him and wouldnt let go. I had just about given up and told him the day prior to him shooting hemself i could not stand and watch him die-by alcohol and drugs right in front of me and i was going to leave. We were together 9 years-the first 7 were the best years of my life-the last two he had been in rehab twice, lost his job suffered terrible depression -it was the hardest decision i had ever made and I felt awful for that-maybe the way you felt about not spending enough time with your brother, but its ok -its ok that you wanted to remove yourself from him-its natural-no matter how much you love someone, its ok to do something or look out for yourself. I grew up in a very very co-dependent family, and i think that is where i learned to put myself last-as long as i took care of everyone else-everything would be ok, and what ever was left for me would be enough-as far as your mom-that is tough-i am still pretty much my motheres only confidant and i sometime still feel like i am responsible for her happiness, but i also think i do that so i dont have to deal with my own feelings-but that is a whole nother post/subject/therapy session-and probably does not apply to you. Be supportive, but dont let it slow your process or change your day, enjoy life-is there anyone else in your family that can suggest she go out, maybe take her out, and dare i say it-would anyone suggest therapy for her?

[missyme]

Thank you!! for the response. Pretty sure we have a lot in common. I was also raised in a very codependant environment and have the same issues you do with your Mom. I have been in therapy dealing with all these family issues for a long time I just haven't gotten to the point where I don't accept blame for anything that happens to anyone regardless of fault.

I am so sorry for your loss - addiction is just a heart breaker - so hard to watch. I am sure your love, like my brother was a kind and sensitive person.

[loulou]

My friends sister just died of a overdose.(autopsy will tell for sure)The funeral is today,and my heart breaks knowing what they are facing.This very pretty and special girl,with kids and a ton of friends and loved ones is at rest now,but it does nothing to help the people left behind.I'm glad you are starting to come out of this depression.I'm starting to also,after 6 months after my loss.I just wanted to say that I'm here,and I support you.

[karenleee]

I too have lost my brother to an overdose in April. I am awaiting the atophasy - I also came from a messed up family due to dealing with his drug problems for 30 years. I feel bad for having lost him, but at the same time I do not see how his life could have keep going on. It is these mixed emotions that give me a lot of pain right now.