My Heart Is Broken...

[Bunny'smom]

My other kitty and I keep expecting him to walk around the corner.

I miss him so much. Our connection was amazing - we would gaze into each others eyes with that sense of "knowing". 17 years is a long time and I expect that my heart will always feel a bit broken.

Don't even know how to begin...

"Goodnight sweet Prince, And flights of Angels sing Thee to Thy rest."

from Hamlet William Shakespeare

[truckgirl]

I don't think you ever forget a connection from having a pet...and I think that is ok! something that helped me grieve over my pets was to put together a scrap book of memories....don't know why but it helped!

[Eliza]

Dear Bunny's Mom,

I have been looking through this website with hope that it will help me with my pain at the loss of my best friend, Winnie. My girl, a beautiful calico kitty, passed away two days ago. She was almost 17 and we had the same connection that you describe having with Bunny. I'm so glad to know that someone else out there understands that feeling of looking into each other's eyes and "knowing." She has been my loving, devoted friend and companion for most of my adult life (through divorce, the loss of my father, and all sorts of other ups and downs), and I have no idea how I'm going to get through the rest of it without her. The pain is almost unbearable.

I hope you and your other kitty are helping each other. I have two younger kitties (2 years old) who are comforting to have around, but who can't possibly have the same connection with me that Winnie did. At least not yet. The thought of going home from work today and not seeing Winnie there just breaks my heart all over again. I really want to believe in the Rainbow Bridge -- that place in heaven where beloved companion animals wait for their human companions to join them. I can't stand the thought that I will never see my wonderful friend again.

If you have any words of wisdom or hope, I would really appreciate hearing them.

[Maylissa]

Eliza,

I don't know if these are words of wisdom or not, but here goes anyway. When I lost my beloved furboy, over the ensuing months his sister really came into her own. While we had always had a strong connection, with the passing of her brother, this subtly changed and grew between us to a higher level. I also found she started doing some of the things that her brother had done, so much so at times, that I honestly wondered ( and hoped! ) if he was 'taking over' her body and mind for minutes at a time to get even MORE messages across to me, telling me he was alright. I've heard of other cats doing this, but certainly not all of them, and so I think it's a rather special thing that some of them can/will do this for us. Even if it had just been HER mimicking his behaviour and calls ( and BTW, their voices, although similar, weren't the same, so this blew me away ), what a special thing for her to do, to try to sound and act the same........just for her dear, old mom!

So perhaps you could be watching your other kidlets for either signs from Winnie, or if nothing else, to see if they are trying to grow WITH you, and offer you something they'd never really had the chance to offer before. It may help open your heart to them and wonderous things may come of it. I just KNOW that my gal felt she was never ABLE to shine in her own right when her brother was here, both because he and I were so in sync with each other, and because he really was the leader and could also be very assertive about being or acting like numero uno. As I've mentioned before, had I not had my girl, I never would have survived this monumental loss, so I also believe now that everything happened in the exact order that it did for a purpose....that being mainly, that I never would have gotten to know how my girl was meant to be had she been the first one to leave. In retrospect, many things become clearer than what we can possibly see when we're so completely torn up with fresh grief. Even if your relationship with your other kidlets can never be the same as the one you had with Winnie, there may be treasures galore just waiting for you to help you through your grief, and who knows WHAT else?........

[Eliza]

Maylissa,

I have a feeling that you're right about the younger ones possibly being able to show me more love and friendship now than I previously gave them the opportunity to do. Partially because Winnie and I were so close, and they clearly understood that she came first, but also because they have always had each other to play with and they spend a lot of time outside, while Winnie (who had always been an indoor kitty) and I hung out together inside.

In the past week, since Winnie's passing, both my boy and my girl have acted differently than they have before. My girl has been hanging around me more and exhibiting more loving and tolerant behaviors. (Tolerant meaning she lets me hug and kiss her more than before.) My boy has been sleeping beside me, which has been very nice, but he has also seemed a little upset by the events of this week. For one thing, I think I've frightened him a little by all the spontaneous weeping (he's always been skittish of sudden noises). Plus, I think he experienced a "sighting" of Winnie on the evening that she passed.

When I got home from the vet, I was sitting in a chair in the living room calling my loved ones to tell them about Winnie's passing. My boy crouched down behind the chair (a place Winnie sometimes went) and let out a loud growl / warning a couple of times. This was a sound that I've never heard him make before. I looked down and he wasn't looking at anything I could see. I thought at the time that Winnie might be there in spirit and so I talked to her and told her how much I love and miss her.

A couple of days later, a neighbor cat who has been hanging around recently snuck in the front door and was heading for a stash of catnip toys in the living room by going behind this same chair. I was watching her and saw her stop short and look startled by something behind the chair, and she changed her mind and ran back out the front door. Of course, I didn't see anything back there.

These experiences make me think it's possible that Winnie is with me still. Maybe she is communicating with my younger ones and asking them to comfort me. Or maybe they just know that I need that from them. In any case, I think that it is definitely possible that they will come into their own now that they have more of an opportunity to bond with me. Thank you for sharing your girl's story. I'm so glad that she got the chance to show you the depth of love and friendship she can share with you. That is a wonderful way of looking at (and celebrating) your relationship with her!

[Maylissa]

Elliza,

Oh, that's a wonderful example of Winnie's spirit hanging around! ( I assume you got down on your knees and checked around there and found nothing ) I also hope, for your other kidlets, that you've explained to them what happened to Winnie, where she's 'gone', etc. They need to know this, as they weren't there to see her leave and it helps them understand, without fear, where their other companion is.....unless they've already heard you on the phone telling others what happened, but it's still worth reassuring them. You could also let them know that they might see or sense her spirit and they don't have to be afraid...in fact, you might enlist their help in letting YOU know when she's around ( since we humans aren't as good at this! )

I'm also pleased as punch that they're already helping you out. This is so common! And don't forget, even if they didn't spend as much time with Winnie as you did, they might still be sad that she's not there anymore, so may be seeking, as much as giving, support. It's usually a 2-way street, this love thing! Here's hoping you'll have much more to share about these love bonds, from all quarters, soon! When I have more time, I'll also share some of the ways my boy, Sabin, came through for me and his sister. It may give you more clues as to what to keep aware of. Peace be with you.