Alone

[redwind30]

Thanks so much for all of the kind and understanding words.

If I could find something that would make me feel a little better, it would help so much. Many days (and today has been one of them) I don't know how I am going to survive this pain.

As I said my brother and his family are about 400 miles away. He and his wife have adult children and grand children with which they are very involved.

I teach so I was off this summer, and I was so hoping that his wife who does not work would come and spned a few days with me this summer. I have had so much to do with clearing out my husband's stuff and taking care of paper work; I just really needed someone to come hold my hand for a little while. I did not ask them/her to come; I just really needed them to offer to come. I needed to know that someone loved me enough to come without being asked or put on the spot.

You may be saying that I should have made the trip to see them, but I have had so much to do with paperwork etc and just getting used to being without him, I did not feel like I could make a trip. I just did not have the energy for the trip. Every time I leave home, even if it is just to take a short walk it is torture walking back into the house knowing that my husband is not here. I just could not handle being gone for several days knowing that I would have to come back to an empty house. I know it sounds strange; but opening that door and coming into an empty house is just so hard to do.

I also have a cousin who I am very close to and she lives about the same distance. She does not work, her children are grown. Again, I was so hoping that she would just show up and say "I am here". I have never felt so alone in all of my life. I know that God is near, even tho I don't feel His presence. But, it sure would have been nice if He would have moved on someone's heart to come be with me during this diffiult time.

Both my brother, sister in law and cousin are about 15 years older than me and I guess I just always hoped they would be here for me when I needed them. Well, it doesn't get much worse than this and they are not here. They call to check on me, but it just isn't the same thing as being here.

I just feel so alone and scared. I worry about what I would do if I got sick or lost my job or any number of other things. I don't feel that I would have anyone to depend on. I have good friends; but it would be nice to have a family member that has known me all of my life here.

Again, I don't really know why I am writing this post. There is nothing anyone can do to chagne my situation. I just don' understand why God is allowing this to happen to me.

I am so afraid of what will happen next.

Thanks for listening.

[kayc]

One of the things I've learned is to ASK for help when I need it. Be explicit and clear about what you need. Often people want to hep but don't know what to do and they might feel more comfortable if you'd just let them know.

It is frightening to feel alone. With you having the summer off, that makes it all the harder. Do you belong to a church or any civic organizations that might involve you with something? Is there someone you could call on who might be of help to you in the sorting, etc. of your own home, friends, neighbors, fellow parishioners? And yes, do ask family for help.

Try not to "borrow trouble". (Sufficient for the day...) Try really hard to stay in the present and not worry about tomorrow. I am a listmaker, I like to make lists and cross things off, but to other people, sometimes lists bog them down. However you feel comfortable with dealing with things that need done, do that. But be realistic...you can't take on what you and your husband both did before. Some things will be let go, some things may wait, some things you'll learn to do something you never have before, some things you may need help for.

[closs86]

Hi Redwind,

it is true, we have to learn to ask for someone's help, I never had to johnny was always here to do what had to be done. but now I also have to learn to ask, it is not easy, but people can't read our minds, they don;t know what to do, or say. They don't want to be pushy, so they wait for us to ask for something. Like Kay said, we can't do everything that our husbands did, we can do some of it, but there are times we will have to ask someone to help us,

take care

karen