Need To Vent

[Nick]

Hi,

Today I'm feeling pretty down on life since my husband died everything seems to be going wrong. I can't sell our home, we have a son with special needs which is always challenging especially as a single parent, insurance problems and the list just seems to go on and on. When will things turn around what did I do so horrible in a previous life to deserve all of this crap? I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary of his death he was only 44 I'm 37 plus my birthday is in a week first without him so sad. I look around and it appears that everyone is happy except me why did this happen to me and my young boys ages 3 and 5??? I miss him so much he deserved to watch his sons grow up and them to have a daddy! I tell you life really sucks I hate being so negative I was never a negative person. What should I do feeling very let down with everything loosing my faith. Thanks for listening sorry for being so negative.....

Leesa

[mlg]

Just take a deep breath and breathe. I don't know if you are having to sell your house for financial reasons or what but sometimes there is a reason things happen slowly. Maybe your boys need to stay in a familiar place a little longer.

My daughter and I were talking tonight about it being the "little" things that get you. Don't be surprised if the anniversary and your birthday don't turn out near as bad as you anticipate. It seems like the things we prepare ourselves for turn out to be easy for the most part. It's a song that suddenly plays on the radio or in a movie, a certain smell, seeing the same body shape, things like that which are like someone punched you in the gut and you totally loose it and there is no stopping it.

I will pray that things get better for you, but sometimes we don't know what better is until later.

[Cheryl]

Hi Leesa,

I have felt so similar. I worked so hard my whole life to do everything right. I always thought that as long as I was honest, hardworking, caring and giving that I would be blessed. Good things happen to good people. Well, bad things happen to good people too. It is hard sometimes to see the good in our lives when the bad is all enveloping. But you do have blessings. They are hiding in all the sorrow and pain. They are your perfect children. The little smiles that need a mom. They have lost their dad. They need you to share with them the memories and the strengths of their father. Leesa you are sad, you are overwhelmed, you have tremendous responsibility. It is a difficult and lonely road. But you are so strong. Look at everything you have balanced in your life this last year! You are the hero in your family. Your husband looks down upon you and is so proud. You are the person who will make sure his children are taken care of and loved. We are surrounded everyday with people who take what they have for granted. We know better, we are so much wiser and true to ourselves. This horrible journey has awakened us to what love really is. We lost what we loved the most. Feel free to be sad, feel free to greive, feel free to be cursed and punished. But know that what ever reality you are faced with you will find a way to win. You won't let this horrible loss be the end of your happiness. Let it be the path to your strengths. Please know that we all feel and greive with you. Although our lives are all diffrent the losses are so very similar. You deserve big hugs! Cheryl

[kayc]

Leesa,

(((hugs)))...there, just felt you needed that.

It's not anything you did, life just happens, I think, rather randomly...we got the luck of the draw. And you have plenty of company. I feel your lamenting, and I don't understand either why the boys have to grow up without their dad, or you should have to face birthdays without him. Life IS unfair sometimes!

I there a way you can hang on to the house a little longer? Or maybe refinance it...the rates are as low as I've seen them, maybe it'd help the payment be more affordable and help you get a little start.

Things will work out, sometimes we can't foresee it, but it does. This is one of the roughest spots you'll ever face...but it won't stay like this. Hang in there, and we're always here if you need someone to talk to.

Kay

[Nick]

Thanks for all the kind words! I just get so very discouraged on life and it's so easy to loose hope. It's still so hard for me to rationalize what has happened. Cheryl your words were perfect thank you so much! Nobody truly knows what I'm dealing with everyday so this site has helped me feel not so alone in my grief. I'm so sorry that we all have to share in such sadness.

Thanks!

[Korina]

I am glad you have found some comfort, here. I, too, have felt like you many, many times. Scott died when our first child was only 4.5 months old, just over a year ago. Life truly isn't fair. But as I have said in many previous posts, our daughter is our special blessing, and my reason to forge on. It is so cliche to say that your husband lives on in your kids, but I truly don't know what I would do if I didn't have a part of my wonderful man in our daughter.

I have found that the mound of worries I have, financial and otherwise, has slowly but surely been getting smaller. I hope the same for you.

Korina