Nick Posted August 23, 2010 Report Share Posted August 23, 2010 On September 1 it will be one year since my husband passed away! Just writing those words is so hard saying them is like not true can't be it's still a bad dream. I thought I was doing okay until recently dealing with this date and my birthday has really been affecting me. I keep going over the day blaming myself did I miss something, did he have symptoms and blow them off basically still trying to make sense of how this could happen to my healthy 44 year old husband. The guilt yes the guilt I didn't even see him the day off went to the gym like usual so left the house super early I was still sleeping. I was not there when it happened I feel horrible about that I never got to say goodbye. I know I did the best I could and was a good wife I just don't feel like it was enough. He deserved more not this I'm just so very mad I need and want to blame someone. I hate carrying around all these horrible thoughts and feelings. I just want it all to go away I know I can't run from it, but it's so hard to face. Not sure if I will every be able to fully accept that he is gone! Thanks for listening, Leesa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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