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Daddys Death After Battle With Alzheimer Disease

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Hello to people on this forum,

I am looking for people who share some common ground with me. My daddy, Leo Appelbaum, Jr. died of congestive heart failure April 1,2005 after battling Alzheimer's Disease since 1997.

This complicates the grief process for me greatly. My father turned into a toddler and I helped become a caretaker. When he died, I lost both my father and my child-daddy man who was inhabiting my father's body secondary to the Alzheimer Disease.

Even trying to explain it seems to sound complicated???!!!!

Comments encouraged and welcomed. Resource suggestions would be greatly appreciated as well.




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Dear Jo,

I'm so very sorry to learn of the death of your beloved father, and I cannot imagine how difficult this journey has been for you and your family. At the same time, I'm pleased to know that you are reaching out for the support you need and deserve, and I'm also pleased that you found your way to our Grief Healing Discussion Groups.

I don't know if you've yet been to my Grief Healing Web site, but I encourage you to spend some time exploring all the pages there -- the site offers information, comfort and support to those who are coping with loss. I especially want to direct you to my Links page, which contains categorized lists of dozens upon dozens of wonderful resources, including some that I think you will find especially helpful.

Once the page has loaded, you'll see a list of categories, near the top of the page. Click on the category labeled CARE GIVING and see what comes up for you. (For example, I just now visited one of the sites I have listed there, which is the Alzheimer's Association national site, and was able to find a Web site for the St. Louis chapter, at Welcome to the Alzheimer's Association, St. Louis Chapter.)

I think you will find these sites especially helpful, as well (see my Links page for connecting links to them):

Alzheimer's: Grief Misunderstood (Article by Marianne Dickerman Caldwell)

Caregiver Community

Caregiving.com: Helping You Help Aging Relatives

Coping with Caregiving: Radio Program

Empowering Caregivers - Choices, Healing, Love

ElderCare Online

Facing Death and Finding Hope: A Guide To The Emotional and Spiritual Care Of The Dying (Book)

Family Caregiver Alliance: National Center on Caregiving

The Forgetting: A Portrait of Alzheimer's

National Family Caregiver Support Program

I hope this information proves helpful to you, Jo, and when you're ready to do so, I hope you will come back to our Discussion Group and let us all know how you are doing.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

My dad passed away in June after 8 years of dealing with Alzheimer's Disease. I was a caretaker for him while he was at home. And i understand what you were saying. When I said goodbye to him at the funeral It was like i was saying goodbye to my child and not my father. I was making plans to go visit him when he passed away. Sometimes I think in my mind my dad died twice first mentally he died then physically he died. I think thats one of the hardest things to deal with is losing him twice. I just wanted to let you know I understand what you're talking about.

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  • 5 months later...

I understand as my dad died in 2003 from complications of this disease. I watched my daddy dwindle down to a shell of a man. I helped care for him on a daily basis, with feeding, diapering, bathing, and all the while could see the man he use to be in his eyes. And all the while wanting to be able to do something to bring my daddy back to me. My dad lost his speech first. I feel so awful because it is almost impossible for me to remember what my dad's voice sounds like. He was bedfast for almost ten years before the Lord took him home. But this still did nothing to prepare for the final act of letting him go. I know that it was best for him but I can hardly deal with the day to day activities of getting through life. I cry unexpectedly and stay depressed all the time. I was my daddy's buddy when I was younger. We did everything together, as he had no sons. There is just nothing that prepares a person for the loss of a parent. It doesn't matter how old you are when it happens. I relive the nightmare of the final minutes with my daddy very frequently. I can't seem to move past it. But you have to move on with life because I know that is what my father would have wanted. I just take the time to cry it out every so often and then pick myself up by my bootstraps and get on with living.

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