My Second Week Without Him.

[Darl]

Fri, Sat and Sunday was supposed to be a respite, I was going to a scrapbooking week-end and Jim was supposed to go to Hospice House for the 3 days so I wouldn't have to worry about him. It did not happen that way, he died the week before. My daughter made me go with her, it was supposed to be good for me. I cried a lot, was hard to pretend to be happy. Coming home was the worst, he was supposed to be here and wasn't. I can't remember anything, lost my glasses, don't know what day it is. We would have been married 47 years in November. Today I feel exhausted, I would like to sleep for a week, wake up and have this all be over. Half the fun of doing something was sharing it with him and he is not here any more to share, I miss him so much.

Darl

[Jennalee]

I'm so very sorry. I'm also in my second week without my husband and it's just so hard. I know the activity may not have seemed very helpful because of all the crying you were doing, but I'm finding that the crying is one of the things that's helping me the most. This past Sunday I went to church with my sister and all I did was sob through the service. But I'm still glad I went. It was good to cry it out. Although I know sometimes we cry so much it feels like we won't have any tears left. I'm tired of crying. So very tired of it, but I do it cause I'm reading it's better to let it out than hold it in.

I can also relate to the absent mindedness. It's getting a little bit better now, but not too much. I don't know if it's any consolation, but many people have told me the first 3-4 weeks are the absolute worst, then it gets a little bit better. Not easy I'm sure and I know I'll still have pain and tears, but hopefully it will become a little more bearable for both of us.

[Korina]

Please don't feel like you should pretend to be happy - it is absurd for anyone to expect you to be happy just 2 weeks after your Jim died.

I believe everyone here will agree that though crying is exhausting, it helps. Grief is completely exhausting. What I found to work for me was to just take it a moment at a time, and not to force yourself to do anything if it doesn't 'feel right'. You will, however, likely have to force yourself to eat, but you will need your strength. I also found it almost impossible to sleep, exhausted though I was, during those first weeks. Thankfully, the tv was able to lull (or drone) me to sleep. Finding a routine was a great help - in the evenings, I would write Scott a letter and then log onto this forum.

Take care and keep checking in.

Korina

[west]

Remember that 47 years with your husband was a very long time. and it will take a long time for you to do your grieving. Tears are a natural response to your sadness. I also found that lack of sleep contributes to the forgetfulness and the exhaustion that we feel. It has been almost six months since my husband died and the tears are less but the loneliness is worse. It is hard to come home to an empty house, but I feel comfort in my house since I can feel my husband is with me here in spirit. You will get through this, but it is not easy. Give yourself the luxury to take care of yourself each day.

[kayc]

Darl,

I'm sorry you lost your husband, this is going to be very hard but we will be here as a group to walk with you through it. I don't know how you even went, it's not realistic to try and enjoy something when you are so new at your loss. I'm sure your daughter meant well and probably thought she could take your mind off things, but it doesn't work that way. It would be great to be able to sleep away the pain but that doesn't seem to work that way for most of us either. You are undoubtedly in shock and it's hard to even comprehend, let alone process, the changes that have just occurred. You will need supportive people there with you to call on from time to time, esp. in the beginning. Right now, just getting through the day is going to be a feat. We have found it helps to not try and think about the rest of our lives, but just keep present in today. It is a lot of work, grieving, and it takes a lot of time and effort. It helps to get your feelings out, express yourself to us, your pain, your fear, your sorrow, your loss, your accomplishments, all of it. (((hugs))) to you!

Kay