Has Anyone Dealt With Multiple Loss?

[JenniferA]

Hi, In May of 2006 my father passed away and 8 moths later my mother passed away, both were happily married and both not yet seniors, and both had passed away due to illness. In between their passing my grandfather also passed (my mom's dad). Has anyone else had to deal with multiple losses?

[MartyT]

Jennifer, dear ~ I think you'll find that many of us on this site have experienced multiple losses, especially those of us who've lived life for any length of time. For example, the following is part of my own story, the rest of which appears in the Introduction on the Articles ~ Columns ~ Books page of my Grief Healing Web site:

My husband Michael and I were just out of college when we married in 1965. Less than two years later we were mourning the unexpected death of our second son, David, who succumbed to an RH incompatibility when he was barely three days old. A few months later Walter, one of our nearest and dearest friends, suffered a heart attack and died. Two years after we moved our young family to New Jersey in 1976, my beloved physician father Harry collapsed while making a house call in northern Michigan and died of cardiac arrest. Later that same year Michael's older sister Delores died unexpectedly, followed by their dear mother Beatrice. Soon after our move to Arizona in 1992, both Michael's wonderful father Ralph and my precious mother Evelyn were taken by death as well . . .

Of course there are many different kinds of significant loss in addition to the loss of a loved one. As one individual living my own life and as a grief counselor who is learning continually from others who have endured, survived and grown from significant loss, I believe very strongly that -- depending on how they are managed, integrated and understood -- our losses can lead to healing and amazing personal growth.

[niamh]

Hi Jennifer,

Oh I am so sorry for the loss of both your Mom and your Dad and Grandfather, all in the same year, I cannot even imagine. I don't have experience of multiple losses in such a short time frame but I just wanted to welcome you here. I am trying to deal with the sudden loss of my Dad almost 9 months ago, still feels like yesterday !

Hopefully maybe there is someone else who can relate a little more to you.

In the meantime, we are always here to share our stories and support each other as best we can

hugs to you

Niamh

[sunstreet]

Dear Jennifer,

I am so sorry for your losses. I too have had multiple losses of loved ones in a short period of time and know your pain. I have just come through surgery to remove cancer in my body, fought through post-op pneumonia and I did alone. We can overcome and get through more than we ever realize. One thing that has always helped me is to say out loud daily, I believe I can survive my losses and I want to thrive in my life. Our loved ones would not want us to wither and succomb to our pain. I enocurage you to keep talking, and allow yourself waves of grief as they come. I came to this forum today as I am thinking of my Father, who succumbed to Alzheimer's on May 8, 2006 and observing the fact it is his Birthday today and would have been 76 today. Love you Dad.

I know the complete and utter despair you most likely feel at times and believe and feel that absolutely no-one can understand your pain and your guardians of hope that if you just don't speak your pain out loud somehow it makes it feel better. There will be those that don't understand, but keep looking and talking for there are those that do. I can assure you that this site is one where you will find those that do. The ones that don't understand is not a reflection that your pain is wrong or should'nt be, it is more about them and where they are in there journey of life.

As Marty I can say that I believe also, that depending on how our losses are managed, integrated and understood, they can offer us opportunities for tremendous personal growth.

Much courage and blessings to you Jennifer.

Sunstreet

[Marion Claire]

3 years ago I lost my mother. She was 90, but still my mom, then 4 months later we lost our only son who was 48. Didn't think I could survive that but I had. Not gone but easier now. This last May I lost my husband of nearly 56 years. He was with me for the other loses, but not now. Have a great family but 3 loses in just over 3 years is real hard...

[niamh]

hi Marion Claire,

I am so sorry for all your losses and pain now also. I can't begin to understand how any of you deal with so many losses of dear loved ones. I am finding this hard enough and sometimes more than I can cope with to deal with one. I guess we will never fully understand why we are put through this on this earth.

I've never understood one day at a time more than I do now and I always think people dealing with loss deserve such a huge well done and pat on the back for simply still being on this earth and often not enough credit is given to people for that.

hugs to you,

Niamh