melina Posted September 25, 2010 Report Share Posted September 25, 2010 I've been trying to get a handle on my grief. Since my husband's death was unexpected and traumatic, I'm wondering if that makes it harder to deal with. Had I been more prepared - possibly less in denial of his illness - maybe I'd be moving forward at a faster pace. As I've said before - he had cancer, but it was in remission. Then he suddenly had breathing problems, was admitted to the hospital and died. It's like having a husband with high cholesterol and then suddenly without warning has a heart attack. You know he runs the risk, but aren't prepared for the heart attack. Many people with spouses who have cancer are prepared for their death - but I certainly was not. We thought we had much more time - years even. The hardest thing about grief is that it just doesn't take a break. I can't tell my grief to take the weekend off and come back later when I'm feeling a little stronger. I compare it, in a way, to childbirth. Once you're in that process of giving birth, there is no turning back. You have to continue, no matter how painful it is, no matter how scared you are. The big difference here is that childbirth does actually come to an end, and it ends with something wonderful - at least most of the time. But grieving the loss of your beloved may never end, and it doesn't really lead to anything good at all. Unless you try to take the perspective that it can make you a stronger person and create a new and stronger identity for yourself. If only it just lasted the same amount of time as childbirth. I'd be over it and going on with my life now. But at six weeks out - I have - if I'm to base it on what other here say - several years ahead of me with grief and pain. Less pain, maybe, but always grief. It seems inhuman to expect someone to manage this, but I've been managing it every day - in some capacity - for six weeks. How to continue for several more years? Where will I get the strength for that? It feels sometimes as though there is this well of strength inside me and I have to keep dipping into it to go on. But what if it runs dry? Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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