Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Another Saturday Night


Recommended Posts

Anyone remember that song...don't even remember who sang it, but it just came to my mind this morning. Actually the words should be "Another Weekend", cause as most of you will relate to, that is the worst time. I am busy all week with work, but weekends are the worst. I was actually very busy yesterday. Our arts council had a phone-a-thon membership drive, and as I am a board member, I had my share of calling to do. We all sat around a table in the lobby of the Lyric theater, owned by the arts council and called. We actually did rather well, almost $3000 pledges. Then myself and a couple of friends went to Branson to eat at the Olive Garden, and went to the Landing to look for Halloween masks. All in all a really good day, but this morning Sunday just stretches out in front of me. Got to do laundry, and as heating element went out on dryer yesterday, will have to go to laundrymat to dry the laundry. I just get so lonely for Mike. I know I am not the only one that feels this way. Mike will be gone 9 months on the 13th. I still think about him all the time, and still have times when I still cannot believe he is gone, but I will be honest and tell you that I manage to get through most days all right, and even though I still have attacks of SUG, they are not as often as before. The worst for me is the aloneness. No one here at home to share things with, to go places with, and it is not that I want "someone", I want Mike back.

I am retiring in May, and am starting to wonder what I am going to do when I retire. I do have some plans, and one of those is volunteering at the arts council office a couple of days a week, but I am afraid I will become one of those old ladies that just sits around in her jammmies all day and not accomplish much. I am tired of trying to think up things to keep busy with, so that I won't dwell on Mike being gone. I keep hoping that soon I will start to feel "normal" all the time, but I am not even sure what normal is anymore.

I am fortunate to have good supportive friends and family, and I am grateful for that, just feeling sad today, and I guess sorry for myself for being alone, and without Mike. Just miss that guy so much!

Worried about my daughter, she is the one who found Mike after he died. She is experiencing some type of stress right now, but has not really shared it with me...seems to have made herself a little distant from me. She has been working in the deli in a local grocery store. Until a couple of months ago she made the doughnuts and breads, and seemed content to do that. Then they decided to not make them onsite anymore, but to bring them in from outside. She still worked in the deli, but doing things she really did not like to do. She suddenly quit her job last week, with no notice to her employers. She has to work, and I am hoping she can find something that will suit her better soon, but she really is not talking to me about this. She was such a rock for me after Mike died, and I want to be there for her. However, I know I just have to wait for her to want to share with me. This up and quitting a job, without another one lined up is not like my daughter, and that is my big concern. She is acting out of character.

Well, I just read this over, and realize that I am really in a venting mood today, some days are just like that I guess. Maybe I will feel better if I actually get up from this laptop and start that silly laundry! Hope everyone has a good Sunday. Thanks for listening to me vent.....appreciate all of you with me in the club we did not choose to join.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mary,

I agree - weekends are the worst. And I haven't even started working again yet. I've already vented and commented the pain in reply to Cheryl. I finished my crying alone by the kitchen table ritual and have been trying to put together a chest of drawers which came flat-packed and in a million pieces. I keep thinking about what we would be doing now if Thyge were here - laughing at the mistakes we were making putting this thing together. I sometimes stop up and feel this absolute horror when the realization hits me that he's not coming back.

Believe me, you're not alone in feeling alone. No matter how many people around me, I would still feel lonely without the one person I really want to be with. I'm going to some friends tonight for dinner - forcing myself into activity. It's good you have friends and family for support.

As for your daughter, it may be grief or it may not. Sometimes life is rough on its own, especially if you're unsure of the direction you want to go in. Does she have a husband or kids? It can be hard to know what to do - just offer a hand and a shoulder and hope that they take you up on it.

From what I have been told, we'll all gradually feel a little better. It is hard to believe that now, but I have to hope. Maybe your retirement will work out better than you thought. Here's hoping.

Melina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I too had a great day yesterday; got a lot done and visited with friends. got up this am and thought I should clean my closet and then decided to tackle my husband's clothes. bad idea. It is amazing thing that you are doing well and then out of the blue the tears appear and do not stop. so I truly understand your situation and wish that each day will bring you further on in your journey!

take care.

west

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know all too well what you mean and I'm afraid I still feel that way, I hate weekends but I need them because with my long commute I don't get anything done during the week. Yesterday I spent the day cleaning house, doing laundry, cutting wood and stacking it, then took the dogs for a ride in the woods and walked them. By the time I was done, my back hurt, I was tired, but I also hate being alone, always alone. My house is clean and no one to even notice. I gave the dog a bath today (that's a chore) and cleaned up from that but am not sure what I'm going to do the rest of the day. I have a torn ligament in my foot and it hurts and my eye has a cyst on the eyeball so my vision is blurry and it hurts, so I feel like I need to take it easy, but doing what? I don't like going to work and am not thrilled staying home, what a quandry! I don't even feel like making cards, which I normally love to do. I keep waiting for life to get better but it gets worse instead. I know you aren't supposed to wait until such and such happens to be happy, I don't even know what I'm waiting for, but it seems like for 5 1/2 years I've been waiting for it to get better and it doesn't.

How old is your daughter? Can you talk to her about her plans? Does she live with you? If she quit she won't even get unemployment and jobs are hard to come by...without giving notice she's probably ruined her references from that job. Could she go back and talk to them? It very well may be grief affecting her, it'd be good if she could see a counselor. She needs direction and needs to work through whatever she's going through. I know you can't force the issue, but just try to be there for her and listen to her if she opens up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well today did get a little better, I got the laundry done, did a few chores around here done. My daughter (she is 36, married with two daughters of her own) came over and we talked, and I do understand what is going on better. I still don't like that she quit without notice, and you are right, Kayc, she probably won't get a good reference from the job, and she has worked there over three years. She was a stay at home mom for about 7 years before that. She has already applied to a bunch of places here in town. I hope she finds something soon. I think the stress that broke the camels back, so to speak, was finding out her husband has a serious problem with his back, and may require surgery. Don't ask me how this tipped the scales...to me holding on to the job would have been even more important. They are going to sell some things, his truck for one, and his riding mower, as he probably won't be able to use the mower again for a long time. She said, even with the worries about how they will make it until she finds another job, she is still much happier, and her husband, who was here also, agrees with her. He is very supportive of her, and somehow they will make it. I just have to trust in her decision. I do believe that she probably would benefit from some counceling, finding Mike after his death was a tramatic experience for her, but they don't have medical insurance, and, if quitting her job that she was unhappy with, helps her, then so be it.

The house got real quiet after they left, but I am going to sit on the back porch, while my white beans cook (I am actually cooking a little today!!),and read for awhile. I just have to get used to this quiet....dont' like it, but that is just the way it is.

Friends, I appreciate your comments, and concern, and appreciate your letting me vent a little. Just doing that helped me! So glad I found this place back in April....and so sorry for all of us that we need it.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Been there too only it's been 2 1/2 years for me. My love of my life committed suicide. He had warned me if it ever happened to not look. He said it before and in the note. The reason is I went in the operating room with a brother to say goodbye to my mom. She coded on the table. He knew you never get that image out of your mind. I did not look at him.

Mom had a wonderful life and six loving kids and 50 years with dad before she died. He died one year before her. I had 33 loving years and saw my love go into an 8 year depression. I feel for your daughter. She's going to have the imagetry

in her head. She has to deal with the one moment they are warm and alive/the next the spirit that was them is gone and it's a "body". I remember kissing mine goodbye and telling him I'd see him after work. Well that's what he wanted to have me believe. I'm glad I didn't look. He was your love and her daddy or was it step dad. Either way. I sympathize with you both. LindaKay

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Queenie, About your daughter's job quandry. I've worked in management forever in grocery retail. I used to work in a fancier store related to mine here in NC. Sister company so I transferred and kept benefits. We had a bakery in Fla. then they didn't do the fancier stuff and ordered from outside. I hated the outside stuff. The employees loved the old way. So deli sucks when you've been bakery. I was a liq. manager there and do produce manager know. I have deli friends. She could apply for a grant in culinary classes at a college. Govnt helps pay. She could see if there's a Panera or Atlanta Bread Factory close. They'd appreciate her experience and are much nicer than a grocery store to work. Wish her good luck and check out the grant situation. I spoke to a customer who was doing research in my produce department for her classes.

She told me about it. LindaKay

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...