Today

[DebFromLodi]

She would have been 94. She has been gone since 2/2/2008. This is her 3rd birthday without her and i miss her so much. We took flowers to her and my dad's grave on Saturday and sang to her. Does it ever get easier?

[Butterfly9]

Dear DebFromLodi,

Sending you a great big hug ((( )))). Happy belated Birthday to your precious Mom! I'm sure your Mom and Dad appreciated the flowers you brought. Your Mom was probably smiling as you were singing her "Happy Birthday"! I also sang "Happy Birthday" to my Dad on his birthday. I know our loved ones really enjoy when we continue to include them in our lives. It brings them joy.

You ask if it gets any easier? To be honest, I don't know. They say we never really get over it but we learn to live with it and adjust to our new life. Know that both your Mom and Dad are closer than you think watching over you. They love you very much and always will. That special bond you share can never be broken.

Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength.

Butterfly9

[niamh]

Happy Birthday to your sweet Mom Deb, 3 birthdays without her, it's so so sad. I've only had one so far and it's so painful.

I can't imagine how it ever gets easier, I think we just live with is as best we can.

hugs to you

x

[KJO]

Last week was my Mum's birthday. I wasn't too emotional. It comes out when it wants to. I suppose next year, when I am not so numb, it will hit me harder. I am still bracing for my first holiday season without my Mom. It moved me emotionally thinking about it. There was this traditional family Scottish New Year event that we would do together. We would cook a meat pie, and we would toast the new year together as a family. There would be a 'First Foot,' which means someone would come to the door with a bottle of champagne and some food to 'bless' the house with tides of good fortune at the beginning of the year. Damn me that I wasn't there to do it because I didn't want to go that time. Later I found out, not too many other people did either. Some went out to some new year parties. I stayed home, when I had it. I don't know why. I feel horrible about it, and cannot make up for it now this coming new year. Oh how I can imagine how my mother felt, because it was important to her. That just kicks my heart out to think about it now. Just goes to show. I am sorry to vent this. It just came out, and I cannot stop busting up over this.

[jg2010]

KJO – I have been struggling with the same kinds of things. The upcoming holidays will be my first without my mother and I’m dreading them. To make things worse, my father is already dating and I don’t know what I’ll do if he asks another woman to join us. But worse is all the regret I feel over every conversation I cut a little short because I had to be somewhere or all the opportunities I had to go have lunch with my mother that I didn’t take. My grandfather is 97 and I’ve been so careful to spend as much time with him as I could, but I had no idea it was my mother who I was going to lose first. I try really hard to trust that she knew how much I loved her and try not to dwell on all the missed opportunities because there’s nothing I can do about it now. But it’s so painful and it seems like I get stuck on it more and more as time goes by.

All I can tell you is you’re not alone. We never know what’s going to happen, and I know our parents want us to live our own lives. It doesn’t mean you loved your mother any less. I hope it will be of some comfort for you to celebrate your holiday rituals and know she’s with you and try to focus on all the wonderful memories you had with her. I know this doesn’t make it easier, but like Butterfly says, we learn to live with it. We hate it and it always feels like there’s something missing, but I guess we just have to learn how to adjust and live our lives with the new reality. It helps me to imagine what my mother would say to me if she were here – both about this and about any number of the trivial things that happen throughout our lives. I know she would tell me she’s with me and she always will be. As painful as this is, I just have to believe that.

[KJO]

Hello again. Yes it is. It takes a great deal of strength to forgive oneself and not hit ourselves upside the head for things we can no longer change. I am sure that our departed loved ones would have it. It is hard though, and it is part of the process. I thank you for your response. It is most kind. Take care, and God Bless.