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Adult Daughter Died 10-23-2009


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This is my first post. The first anniversary of my daughter's death is this Sat. I've been getting more anxious each day for the past 2 weeks. It's almost like it's taken a year to really settle in that she's gone for good. She was a heroin addict for about 10 years. We didn't see or hear from her for months on end sometimes. So, it wasn't that different at first. What's so awful is that she had voluntarily entered rehab in Jan. 2009. She was pregnant and needed methadone every day. My husband brought her home each weekend so she could reconnect with her family (2 sisters, 1 brother)and reorient herself with the "regular" world. She made an adoption plan in order to continue rehab without the responsibilities of parenting. Some close friends adopted her daughter, born in Sept., so we will always have her close to us. But she fell from a balcony.

There are so many other emotions tied up with my grief because of the hurt, frustration and anger we had for almost 10 years because of her addiction and the lifestyle that goes along with it. Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not sad enough, like I'm glad she's gone. Other times, I can't stop crying. Does anyone have anything similar to this?

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Her pain is gone. Her child is safe and loved. It's just your pain that's here. I'm sorry you feel some. She's ok now. Not to live that dangerous lonely lifestyle. Death is not the bad thing. It's the survivors that I feel for. You can't blame yourself for her choices I hope. You didn't make her live that way. You offered her a ticket back to her family life.

Do you feel bad because you feel relieved that it's all over? I wouldn't. It's not that you didn't love her if you felt that. An addictive nature is a hard change for someone to make. May you come to terms that she's in a better plain than she was.LindaKay

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I'm so sorry you lost your daughter and in such a sad way. The only words I can share that might help is that an addictive life is not a fun one and is very tough to beat. Most don't. Pls take comfort in the fact that your family did step up to the plate and help her as much as humanly possible. Your daughter was fortunate to have a family like yours. Her legacy will live on in the beautiful child she brought into this world. I think your daughter is in a better place now. She did seek the help she needed and that, in and of itself, was a major triumph. For whatever reason, her life was cut short and it's my belief she lives on in another plane.

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  • 2 months later...

Addictions are horrible. To me its a slow death. It completely takes over everything in thier life. My step daughter is an addict. We have only heard from her a few times in the last 5 years. We tried to be there for her, but after awhile it breaks the entire family down and you get to a point that you have to let them go. I have seen my husband a grown man sob! You pray and hope that somehow they manage to get free. I know she has slept in the streets, I know she has sold her body for her next high. She has hepatitis and I have no doubt that she has AIDS. I pray that she will get arrested, at least she will be clean for a while and maybe someone can reach her. We love her and she will always be welcome at home clean. At the back of our thoughts whether we want to admit it or not, we anticipate getting that call. I held my best friend shaking and screaming as they turned off life support on her son who overdosed. My cousin lost her son on mother's day because he overdosed. This is such an epidemic in our nation. I fear for my teenage son. I fear for anyone's child. I hate what it is doing to families. It has touched in some way or another everyone. I wish there were more effort from our government to stop this stuff from getting into our country. I wish there was as much awareness as there is for cancer. We race for the cure for cancer which is wonderful, but were is the attention on this monster? Although we haven't "offically" lost her yet, I know what you have gone through. If I can offer anything to you it would be to tell you that she is free now. Please don't feel shame or guilt. You have done what you could. You have no control over what she did and you couldn't have changed her anymore then you can change the color of the sky. I have talked to addicts ( we visited a rehab center) to find out why they continue to do this. Do you know what they tell me.. They pray to stop. They don't want to do this, but they can't stop. Some even pray for death, not that they want to leave thier families and people they love, but because they want peace. She has peace now. I don't know if this has helped or hurt. But I do want you to know that you are in my prayers. I hope that someday you get comfort in knowing that she is free.

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