Bittersweet Birthday

[Queeniemary]

Yesterday was my 65th birthday. It was bittersweet realizing that I am getting older, and Michael will forever be 62. It was actually a great birthday. My siblings and their spouses and I flew from Arkansas and Texas to Arizona to visit another sis. We had a great visit, and celebrated my birthday a day early on Monday. First plane trip for me in 22 years. My brother in law, and myself got the full body pat down both coming and going. (artificial knees), but they were very nice, and it was no big deal. Sad to be in AZ without Michael, he loved AZ so much. I missed him so much. We all felt that a big part of us was missing. We visited with our brother in law who is in a wonderful facility for dementia patients. It was great to see him, and he really enjoyed our visit very much.

I will never stop missing Michael, and there are still times that the fact that he is gone just takes my breath away. However, I believe I may have turned a corner. I am able to enjoy some things, and although I miss him so much, the raw grief has diminished in some respects. In just a few days it will be 10 months. He will always be with me.

Praying for all of us on this journey that we did not ask to make.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[Chrissie]

Mary,

Happy belated birthday!! I'm glad you had a nice visit in Az.It is a beautiful place to be. I live near Wickenburg and my Tim also loved Az. He had a UTV and used to love riding the deserts near our home. Whenever he was feeling up to it and I had a day off we would pack a lunch, put the dog in and go for the day. It was just us. He taught me to appreciate the beauty of the desert. I miss those days, but I'm doing better, I was able to do a day ride with some friends last weekend. I too am coming up on 10 months, I've made it through a lot of firsts but these next couple months I know are going to be tough ones. I know he would want me to be strong for the grandkids so I'm going to give it my best. May God bless & guide us through these upcoming holidays.

Chris

[melina]

Happy birthday, Mary. I'm glad you had a good day, in spite of the grief. And it's encouraging to hear that the raw grief has diminished. I'm hoping for the same in a few months time.

Melina

[Cheryl]

Happy Birthday Mary! I am so glad that you are feeling better and getting relief from grief. It is a wonderful feeling that I also have felt. It is amazing to me how grateful I have become for simpilar things I never knew were important to me. Happiness always came so easy. This grief journey has indeed been the hardest test to take and I also am so glad for the return of warm feelings and hope. The first time you round that corner is awesome! I am so glad to read those words from you.

My husband also loved the desert. Being that we live here in AZ we often went four wheeling in the desert and particularly loved the Sedona area. Those red rocks are so magical. We camped along Oak Creek every summer and hiked the banks of the creek fishing for small mouth bass. I haven't been back to Sedona since his death but I look forward to the time when I can go and have fond memories instead of tears of sadness.

Happy days! Cheryl

[kayc]

Happy belated birthday Mary! You don't seem 65. I wish he was here to share in it with you but I'm sure he's thinking of you all the same.

[wmjsca]

Happy Belated Birthday Mary!

Sorry I'm late with the greeting, I've been having some horribly severe moments of grief, self pity and anguish for the last few days. The fog has cleared somewhat, at least for this bout. I hope you had a wonderful day, and like other posters, I am looking forward to the raw grief to ease up. It's controlling my life... Just when I think I'm making progress, I'm not. It hasn't yet been a month, though, and while I can say the shock has passed, the pain and sorrow seem even deeper.

Take care.

[Queeniemary]

Cheryl, Michael loved the Sedona area, and we loved the Oak Creek Canyon. We often took that route rather than the interstate to Prescott from Flagstaff. His dream was to retire in Arizona. I doubt if we would have done it, all our grandkids are here in Arkansas and Missouri, but he sure loved the idea. We did not do much exploring this trip, it was mainly a family reunion trip, but we did do a fast pass through Jerome to show our sister that had not been through there. Hope to go back within another year and spend more time.

It is good to turn the corner, that is not to say the grief is not still there, but as you said, I am now able to enjoy some things in life, and have accepted that life will go on for me. There was a time, a few months ago, that I did not see how it could go on without Michael. Always will miss him, and always will probably find that suddenly something will trigger those feelings of deep grief, but I do not intend to wallow in it, as Michael always said, pull yourself up by your boot straps and go on. He was a great believer in controlling your own destiny.

Interesting that you and Chrissie both live in AZ, it is a beautiful state, maybe someday in future when I am out for visit, we can arrange a meeting....maybe in Sedona!!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[sunstreet]

Mary,

Thanks for sharing about your Birthday day with us. I am glad you felt some goodness in it. We celebrate with you. I too have moments when the fact that Melissa is gone takes my breath away. To me it just speaks to the love we shared. How blessed I was and am.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann