Motivation

[abergsma]

I am having such a hard time with motivation.

I get up in the morning make my coffee sit on the couch make calls, email and watch TV...think of all the things I should be doing but keep sitting...

I was much more motivated in the beginning but have lost it some how..my sister in law is so full of energy and can't understand why I am not..it brings me down when she calls with such vim and vigor..and I feel soo guilty!

Hope someone can give me suggestions and share what works for them..

Thanks for listening

Allana

[wmjsca]

Hi Allana,

I can so understand where you are. The death of my fiance threw me into a severe tailspin, but fortunately, for me, I was already attending school and was right at the mid-term phase. I had to miss many classes for two weeks, but kept in touch with my professors. If it hadn't been for school and raising my nine-year old son, I don't know what I would have done or where I'd be right now. But, believe me, much of the time I was on auto-pilot, as is the case now. It's only been three weeks, so I'm still having a difficult time, it's just that the studies occupy my mind. I do have to pace myself, however, because if I try to keep myself too busy, I won't be able to feel the grief that's necessary to heal from this.

There are going to be ebbs and flows in this process, sometimes you're up, then you're down, and that's just the way it is. You state you were motivated in the beginning...what were you doing then? Would you be able to pick up at least one of the activities you did then? It doesn't have to be many things, just one. I am beginning a bereavement support group this evening, maybe you could start with that. It helps talking to people who've gone through loss. I plan on expanding my field of study to grief or bereavement counseling since I think I could help others as many have helped me.

I can understand the lack of interest and motivation. Be kind to yourself, make small goals, baby steps. Keeping your mind engaged will also help with the grief process. Good luck.

[abergsma]

wmjsca, thanks for your reply.

I have no one to take care of they are all out on their own.

I do work full time but my doctor wants me off right now.

I was taking care of all the paperwork and starting to pack. I do have to sell my house and have to prepare for that.

Every night I plan on what I will do the next day but here I sit.

I have inquired about a support group but have to wait until January when the next one starts.

Allana

[kayc]

It sounds like depression to me and I would talk to my doctor about it. I have to keep going because there's only me to do it and a limited time in which to take care of things...but if I were retired and had all the time in the world stretching before me, it would be easy to procrastinate and to allow myself to do nothing at all. It's finding that sense of purpose that seems to be the hard thing. Right now my motivator is my dog. My dog is big and unruly and no one else in the world would probably ever want to adopt him, but he has a marvelous personality and is so entertaining and funny and so loving, I find immense joy from him. He is my motivation in keeping going, in getting up and going to work another day, in my struggle to hang on to my home. And I truly enjoy him. Before him...I didn't have that. I think it's important to search for what your purpose is, whether it's a person, an animal, a hobby, or your work, or maybe even religion...it's going to be individual and unique to each one of us.

[sunstreet]

Allana, I see your struggle, your pain and I am just so sorry. It makes sense to me that in the beginning you felt motivated to do things because it is my belief in the beginning we are in shock and functioning on autopilot. I believe our minds know we need to be numb and on autopilot for a time. When the shock starts to dissipate and the reality of our loss takes hold it becomes very difficult to stay motivated to do anything as we need a lot of energy to process what has happened and learn to function in our life in a whole new way. Grieving is staying motivated in my opinion.

One of the things that I find helps me most to stay motivated is the fact that the love that we shared is worth me feeling not motivated at times and to just let it be. Journalling is one of my biggest coping strategies and it is just so helpful to look back to see that I am moving through this journey just as it is meant. There are no right or wrong ways. This journey ebbs and flows. Where I am in my journey now, when the pain comes I welcome it for it is a reminder to me how great a love I lost and this pain I am feeling is giving our love what it deserves and I am healing some more. One of the hardest things for me has been acceptance and it is still a work in progress.

Journalling, guided imagery, a walk, a shower, pampering myself with self-care, posting and reading here, working with my therapist, volunteering at a care facility, nature, the mountains, allowing myself to feel, are some of the things that help me.

I pray you find your way through this journey for there is no other way than to go through it.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[melina]

I think this is normal. I have very little motivation too. In the beginning, just after my husband's death, I was so in shock that I wasn't able to fully take in the enormity of my loss. And because I was suddenly alone - and scared - I had all this motivation to get all sorts of things done - mostly dealing with financial matters.

Then when the practical stuff was taken care of, and the grief began sinking in, I gradually lost my drive to do things. It's beginning to return - but often I feel drained if I've had to take care of something during the day. This is an exhausting process and I think we can allow ourselves to grieve without feeling guilty about not keeping busy all the time. And how can we possiby be full of vim and vigor in our situation?

Melina

[abergsma]

Thanks everyone..

It is very comforting to be able to share with others who know exactly what we are going through,

Carol Ann, I am going to start a jounal today.

Hugs

Allana

[Dimcl]

Hi Allana. Although it isn't yet three weeks yet, I am also finding myself becoming less motivated. The only thing that get's my butt in gear (and this may sound totally corny), is to know that my darling Glenn, if he were in my shoes, would make himself motivated. He was the most determined, persistent, hard-working man I know of, and when I think that I just can't do something, I ask myself "What would Glenn do?" There is no question as to the answer and I get up and do it. It also makes me feel like I'm honouring his memory and it makes the chores much easier to do.

Di