What Do You Do To Cope?

[Anthony]

Does anyone have any tips or ideas of ways to just get through day to day? All I seem to be doing is trying to force it out of my mind and refusing to allow myself to dwell on it--- working too much, cleaning too much when I am home and adding a dog to the two I already had...

Please-- don't tell me it never gets any easier-- or worse yet-- that it does get easier-- and don't suggest counseling, medication or a medium-- -done all that..

Just please-- tell me what you do to keep going....

[niamh]

hi Anthony,

First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I am almost at the one year mark of losing my precious Dad suddenly.

How I get through everyday is mostly hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I freak out when people start talking about "the future", even the upcoming holidays, it's still a couple of weeks away, I don't want to have to think about it or deal with it until December 25th itself. I can't think ahead because I have no clue how I am supposed to struggle through this life without my Dad, I don't want to. So as I say I take it minute by minute telling myself right now is all I have to deal with, who cares about tomorrow, next week etc etc. It can be very very hard to do, of course there are times when I will think ahead but I try to bring my mind back to right now.

Marty mentioned a book a while back which focuses on this idea of living in the now, it's called Now: Overcoming Crushing Grief by Living In the Present , I do intend to get it but havent yet. I just have such a hard time reading these days, last few books I got I still haven't got through them.

When I feel like crying and falling apart, I let myself do that, I don't really find it much of a choice.

I don't really have any advice for you, I am still struggling a lot with everything.

Niamh

[2sweetgirls]

Hello Anthony,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. The one year mark just passed for my mom's passing on Nov. 30th and I lost my dad on 10-4-10.

You have a very good question that, I think, we are all looking for the answers to. I can only share my own day to day, minute to minute happenings. I, like all others, have moments that come upon me without warning that make me feel hopeless and desperate. But, I have two children, one in school all day and the other home with me. The baby is 2 years old and just so funny you can't help but laugh. My mom told me before she died "I enjoyed you kids when you were little now is your turn to enjoy your kids". She and dad would have wanted that. So, mostly, the baby distracts me and keeps me going during the day. When she goes down for a nap during the day is when it all seems to hit me. I seem to be going on for their sake. Sometimes, I do things around the house (which seems to be what you do too), rest, watch tv or come to this website. Some days I am just waiting for bedtime and other days seem to be better. It is a process that is individual.

I wish I had a more difinitive answer but, at the same time, I really don't think there is one.

Sending you peace today, tomorrow and always.

2sweetgirls

[emptyinside]

Hello Antony, I echo Niamh's answer. It's minute by minute for me. I try not to think too much into the future (panic attacks happen when I do that), but it's so hard and I'm not always successful. What I do is probably what you're doing. I'm distracting myself. I try to read (but most of the time it's hard because my concentration sucks now), shop, watch lots of TV. I just try to do things that let me zone out and stop thinking. Plus I tell myself that it's okay to do things I like, that it's like a vacation for my mind that's been through hell. Don't have any advice because I'm struggling as well.

[SHeiss]

I play World of Warcraft! It has been an amazing help in making me forget about my sorrows for a couple hours. I know it is not the "normal" time killer, but I know someone else that I play the game with did the same thing 4 months ago when her dad passed away and since mine has passed away it has helped me find some mental relief. I hope you find something that helps you!!

[Daughter2010]

Tips...mm I would get through my day of work...and at home i would just watch movies and tv to zone out.....

I followed my emotions...at times I just lay in bed crying, now that I remember my boyfriend would call me and talk about random stuff and listen to me...

As the days and weeks into my grief went by I realized this was not something I needed to heal from or get over...but rather to get through, to learn to live with. I am still learning to live knowing my father is not in this world anymore.

One moment, one step at a time.

Big hug,

-L