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Needing Comfort


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I know everyone here is grieving too, but this last week has been hell for me. I had nearly two weeks where I was doing really good. I barely shed a tear. Now since that hit and run where my car got smashed, I've been feeling worse and worse. It could also be Christmas that's hurting. I can't stop sobbing. It comes and goes throughout the day - even at work it just hits me and I have to run to the bathroom. I'm back to that sobbing until my stomach muscles hurt thing. I wish I still had tranquilizers.

One of our four sons is in film school and he posted a short film he made online. It was a great piece of work, and I was proud, but at the same time I just sat here and sobbed thinking that his father was missing this. That my husband would never experience all the things our kids would accomplish in the years to come. I just feel so utterly miserable right now. Nothing seems to help.

I'm sorry I'm so depressing right now. I just want this to end. Actually I want my husband back - then I want it to end.

Melina

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I'm so sorry that you're hurting Melina. Totally understandable.

I like to believe that our lost ones can continue seeing us, for at least a time after they leave us, so maybe your husband can see how well your son is doing.

Would you want to share a link to your son's video? I know I'd like to see if if that's OK.

I can only suggest you keep feeling your feelings and letting them pass through you. In my experience it becomes less difficult with time; though it's not always diminishing steadily.

I believe we're here for a reason; even if it's a small reason.

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Melina,

How can you say for sure your husband is missing it (your son's film)? Who knows what they see/hear/are aware of. There's a lot of unexplained stuff we just don't know about the beyond. We know one thing for sure, they still exist, somewhere/somehow.

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That's a wonderful thought - that he's there with us, following our lives - seeing how we're doing. I really want to believe that. Thanks.

I can see if I can find out how to link the film - it's sort of sci-fi, post-apocalyptic, but since he's studying film photography - it's the filming that's the main thing.

Melina

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Melina, I am so sorry you are hurting so again. It is so understandable. You are not depressing me at all Melina. My heart aches that any of us have to go through this journey. In my thinking we bless each other. It is the one place we can come and know others understand. It is the one place we can come and say whatever is on our heart and be heard and not judged. We share our pain, and our joy.

I like to think that our loved ones see us all the time. I like to think they are encouraging us along. It is so unfair that we do not have them here in body anymore. Good for your son. I am sorry your husband is not there in body Melina to share in person the joy and pride in your son's accomplishment. I like to believe that he is smiling and he knows. Perhaps you could journal to your husband and tell him all about it. None of can take the pain of this journey away for you. I hope it helps to know we are or have been exactly where you are at now in this journey.

I offer my understanding and my care as you continue to weather this journey.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

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Carol Ann - I haven't kept a journal, but I do often send my husband e-mails. I know that sounds strange, but I know his password and check his mail occasionally in case of bills I might have overlooked. So I see my e-mails to him there. Sometimes I'll send one back to myself from him. Actually that does sound pretty weird.

Melina

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Melina, I don't view that as weird at all. I view that as very clever. I think anything we do that helps us, brings us comfort is entirely ok and normal. I did that exact same thing before. Now I write by hand in journals as for me it helps me more.

I have to head off to work Melina. I believe our loved ones are in the air we breathe. I believe they are in the stars at night. I believe they are part of the wind when it blows. I belive they are everywhere and it is hard to know how but for me I feel it.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

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Hi Melina...your posts are NOT depressing! They are real and just what I need! There are far too many people who think I am 'overdoing' the grief thing. I am getting lots of crap from people because I didn't show up at their big Thanksgiving feast and celebration. I saw one at the grocery story, invited me to Christmas dinner and made a snide remark..'she won't be there'...and 'you need to be around people'. I'd rather hear from you than a bunch of people who criticize me (all while enjoying the company of their mates, needless to say).

I like the e-mail idea...

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Melina,

I also send emails to Tim and post on his facebook page. Just makes me feel good. I also understand the remark about people thinking you're "overdoing" the grief thing. They just don't get it. Your posts are not depressing, we can all relate and understand, and we're all here for you.

Chris

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