starby Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Hi everyone I am very nervous about joining this site because my grief isn't widely recognised and it isn't about a loved one's death. I've just been so consumed by pain these last few weeks and I really don't know where else to turn. I resonate with a lot of the posts on here though and have decided that the experience of grief is something I share even if it isn't in the same form. To start at the beginning, I have a chronic illness/disability which leaves me mainly housebound and I have a carer. I am also a single mum of a severely autistic nine year old son. I have been a single mum for several years and don't have much family support, both due to a difficult upbringing and also because they don't live locally. I manage on a lot of help and I've been seeing a counsellor for ongoing emotional support for nearly 3 years. A few weeks ago my counsellor announced that sadly due to unforseen circumstances she is forced to leave the agency where I see her. I'm utterly heartbroken and struggling to cope. I've been sobbing uncontrollably, in despair and can hardly function day to day. She's not a 'blank slate' therapist; I've felt very close to her and she has invested a lot with me as well. It is actually worse than when my marriage broke down because I never felt supported by my husband but I do by my counsellor; she has always been there for me, beliving in me and supporting me. Because the nature of the relationship is one to one I can't get support from others in the same way. Most people I've spoken to either seem to think it's impossible to feel this deeply for a counsellor or that my feelings are about unresolved past issues. Neither are true- I'n grieving for the depth of the relationship and how much she's given me and for nothing (I don't pay and she volunteers at an agency). I feel very alone and lost. Only twqo of my friends even know I see a counsellor and none of my family know, even if they did they don't accept or show emotions. I also have other stuff going on; my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer which is currently seen as treatable and she is due to start radiotherapy next week. This has been a terrible shock and obviously brings up a lot about loss in itself, especially as our relationship has been strained. Also, my young niece was pregnant a short time ago but the baby was found to have abnormalites at 21 weeks and had to be aborted. It has all been devastating. I feel I'm losing my main source of support while my life is uncertain anyway. I'm scared about the future because of my health issues and because of my son, who won't be able to live independently. Seeing my counsellor kept this all contained but now I feel very alone with it. My grief is still for the relationship and connection with her but the upcoming ending is also reinforcing how many worries I have in my life. Just feel really alone and don't know where else to speak of this Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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