New And Having A Bad Time

[starby]

Hi everyone

I am very nervous about joining this site because my grief isn't widely recognised and it isn't about a loved one's death. I've just been so consumed by pain these last few weeks and I really don't know where else to turn. I resonate with a lot of the posts on here though and have decided that the experience of grief is something I share even if it isn't in the same form.

To start at the beginning, I have a chronic illness/disability which leaves me mainly housebound and I have a carer. I am also a single mum of a severely autistic nine year old son. I have been a single mum for several years and don't have much family support, both due to a difficult upbringing and also because they don't live locally. I manage on a lot of help and I've been seeing a counsellor for ongoing emotional support for nearly 3 years.

A few weeks ago my counsellor announced that sadly due to unforseen circumstances she is forced to leave the agency where I see her. I'm utterly heartbroken and struggling to cope. I've been sobbing uncontrollably, in despair and can hardly function day to day. She's not a 'blank slate' therapist; I've felt very close to her and she has invested a lot with me as well. It is actually worse than when my marriage broke down because I never felt supported by my husband but I do by my counsellor; she has always been there for me, beliving in me and supporting me. Because the nature of the relationship is one to one I can't get support from others in the same way. Most people I've spoken to either seem to think it's impossible to feel this deeply for a counsellor or that my feelings are about unresolved past issues. Neither are true- I'n grieving for the depth of the relationship and how much she's given me and for nothing (I don't pay and she volunteers at an agency). I feel very alone and lost. Only twqo of my friends even know I see a counsellor and none of my family know, even if they did they don't accept or show emotions.

I also have other stuff going on; my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer which is currently seen as treatable and she is due to start radiotherapy next week. This has been a terrible shock and obviously brings up a lot about loss in itself, especially as our relationship has been strained. Also, my young niece was pregnant a short time ago but the baby was found to have abnormalites at 21 weeks and had to be aborted. It has all been devastating.

I feel I'm losing my main source of support while my life is uncertain anyway. I'm scared about the future because of my health issues and because of my son, who won't be able to live independently. Seeing my counsellor kept this all contained but now I feel very alone with it. My grief is still for the relationship and connection with her but the upcoming ending is also reinforcing how many worries I have in my life.

Just feel really alone and don't know where else to speak of this

Thanks for listening.

[Teddy and Toby's mom]

Oh you poor dear. I can understand your grief. I think we all can. But be joyous in the fact that you can still communicate with your therapist. If your relationship was that close, then you will stay close in private life. I think of a million things I wanted to say to Sheryl. I see things everyday that remind me of her, but she is not here to talk to. Is she leaving the area, where you won't be able to see her at all? Please stay in close contact with her. I'm sure she is grieving her loss of the relationship with you also.

I'm new here but I find that I can say anything and am not judged. Pour your heart out, that's what we are all here for.

[kayc]

Starby,

I've never been in this section before, but I'm glad I decided to look at it because I found you! I'm sorry you're going through so much...yes, grief is about all kinds of things. We can grieve the loss of a loved one, or a job we loved, or possessions (like when our house burns down) or physical abilities (my sister became a quadriplegic at age 25 so she went through that), or any number of things. Loss is loss, and we can learn a lot from the experience, regardless of the reason that brings it about.

This is a good site, I hope you find peace and comfort here, knowing there are others to relate to and that care.

Kay

[starby]

Thanks so much for your lovely replies both of you! I thought this seemed a friendly site.

Sadly the ending with my counsellor will be absolutely final so it may as well be a death. It is the nature of counselling most of the time although a few counsellors are open to keeping in some sort of contact. My counsellor isn't though. It might seem harsh but I can see why; there's all sorts of boundary issues and sometimes it just isn't seen as professional or ethical to keep in contact beyond the therapy room. My counsellor's governing body dicates it just isn't the done thing. She is really upset at the ending though and fortunately we do have four more sessions to work through it, but I'm dreading saying goodbye. I don't know how I will cope.

Kate I'm sorry for your sister's disability, yes I can understand the grief reaction for so many different things. I am struggling still to cope with my illness and the fact I've tried so much and may never improve. To become so disabled so suddenly must be devastating.

Thanks again for making me so welcome

[sunstreet]

Starby, oh my heart aches for you. Such a load. I wanted you to know how very sorry I am. I want to say more but for now I need to go and sleep. I will talk with you later.....you are so welcome here, it is safe. Grief is grief is grief....I will talk with you more later.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[starby]

Thank you Carol Ann, I really appreciate it.

I'm not good today, just dreading the goodbye so much. We had such a strong connection that I'm going to miss her unbearably.

Thanks for your thoughts

[pjm]

You know sounds like you are going through such an emotional spiral with the loss of your counselor. Im new to this forum to. I think staying in contact with her is the best option for helping you. I too have health issues and lost my partner of 22yrs in july and Im not doing so well through the holiday season but I want you to know I will send positive energy and prayers your way to get both of us through this time.

[starby]

Thanks so much for your reply and for the healing thoughts and prayers. I'm really sorry about your partner and understand how hard the holiday seasion is. Sadly my therapist doesn't consider it ethical for me to stay in contact with her, so that isn't an option. It will be a permanent goodbye.