Does This Heavy Feeling Get Better?

[SHeiss]

Does time really heal all wounds? Will we really ever get over the fact that our loved ones are gone forever? I feel like a part of me is gone. To be honest it was probably the most wholesome beautiful part of me that left the day my wonderful dad died. I am not "me" anymore and really haven't been since he was diagnosed. I wished and wished that somehow his cancer would just seep into my flesh every time we hugged so he could be saved. I just need to know if my memories of him will ever stop making me cry? Will I be able to think about my dad and smile rather than burst into tears? I can't even listen to the song we danced to at my wedding just 3 months before he was diagnosed. I have been having a really bad couple of days and I feel all by myself. He asked that I stay strong and I do when it comes to my family because they would all fall apart if they watched me cry but it is harder and harder especially when my mom calls me to tell me how sad she is and how lonely she has been. It breaks my heart.

So - do you ever start to "heal"? It seems as if it is impossible.

[Daughter2010]

Sheiss,

That feeling you speak of will eventually get better. I don't think we ever heal, but adjust to our new reality. When my father passed on...I felt such a heaviness in my chest...a deep pain and it was not physical...emotional pain. I felt so lost at the time, I asked people who lost loved ones what they did to cope....they just did what they could. That heavy feeling is part of grieving. Every time I think of my father I know a part of me is with him and his memories live in me too. It has been 13 months since dad passed away and I don't cry as much as the early weeks and months, but I miss him everyday. Lots of memories of him bring me smiles and tears at times. It is all part of being human. It is important to grieve, do not bottle things up. As for being strong, you can be strong and cry at the same time. So if you need to cry at times, please do so. Crying cleanses the soul.

Be who you always have been Sharla. The backbone of the family. It doesn't mean you cant cry...crying, heavy feeling, sadness...etc is all part of the process. Grieving is a very personal matter, so your way of grieving may be different than others, and it is ok.

Big hug for you,

-L

[loulou]

That heavy feeling in the chest will ease.I feel it still sometimes.I remember the first few months,the heavy feeling was very strong.I dont know when or how,but it eases.I'm almost to the year mark.Daughter said it very well.I'm not "better",but I'm a little better.I miss him sooo much.Sometimes I even feel panic wash over me.I just want him in my life soo much.I miss him so very very much.I dont think we will ever stop wanting them.But you will be able to breath easier in time.

[sunstreet]

Yes, I believe that time really does transform our pain to something that does not crush us any longer. I am so sorry you are hurting so. I understand it well. I watched my Father in his journey with Alzheimer's. I will share that for me I can think of my Father now and not cry, in pain, but somtimes I cry tears of joy in remembering my Father now, and all the things he taught me so I could learn to fly.

It is so normal to feel like healing is impossible. I pray in time you see that healing is occuring. Personally, I think it a strength to cry. I want to plant a seed of hope in you, and nuture and feed this seed as you would any seed to help it grow.

Hugs to you as you learn to weather this journey.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[SHeiss]

It really is nice to hear that from people that have experienced it, though I am sad that you have. Thanks for being here. I am glad I found this forum almost a year ago, it makes it easier on me. So, thank you all. It is nice to know I have a place "to go" when I feel all by myself with these feelings.

Sharla

[MistyB]

Hey Sharla,

I just found this sight and have been reading all the touching posts. I too lost my dad to a year long bout with cancer. He passed in front of me, surrounded by his daughters on November 22nd. We put him on hospice the last two weeks of his life and what a blessing it was. His only wish is that he die painfree and that he did. I feel your emptiness and pain. He was the only man in my life that I could truly talk to and know that he always had my back. My sweet husband is trying so hard to step in with my three young sons and fill in those areas that frankly, I just

have no desire to care for. I couldn't even decorate the tree, didn't want to. I still can't believe he's really gone! I keep his number on my automatic call list in my cell phone and still today I find myself reaching for my phone to call him about something! Today is a better day, yesterday was terrible. I look forward to more better days, but right now I can't even look at an hour. So, I just want you to know that I'm walking right next to you sister, and I know we have a long road ahead, but my faith will carry me over the bad days and I hope it will you too. I say to myself on those really bad days that my dad would be so pissed if he knew I was sitting around all glum, he'd tell me to suck it up and be the strong woman he knew I was. I know that's what he would say. You keep hanging in there too!