sunstreet Posted December 27, 2010 Report Share Posted December 27, 2010 I am struggling so very much tonight. I can not seem to settle, and let myself sleep. I have to many burdens that I carry. Normally, I do fairly well with it all but tonight it feels like such a weight upon my heart. I know this time of year is so very hard for me for so many reasons. There are so many whose burdens are far worse than mine. I struggle tonight to feel grateful. I am loosing my health, my good strong body is loosing it's battle. I could dissociate from my physical pain before but I can not any longer. Perhaps this is a good thing, I do not know. I am weeping for the loss of my health, my hearing, and my financial well-being. I am frightened of the unknown. I have been struggling financially ever since my wife suicided, going from two incomes to one, my wife left a lot of debt behind, that I did not know about. Such a load for one income. My car needs work, can not afford it. I feel so ashamed because I want to climb the highest mountain and scream out does anyone care? Do I matter? Why am I feeling this way? Can you die from not having any physical contact from another human being? Can it affect the way you manage your burdens? I have so much to be grateful for and yet I weep. It is hard, so hard this time of year, it magnifies it all, and is unbearable tonight. I hate it! Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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