Day-To-Day Living Is Hard

[wmjsca]

Just getting my son ready for school and dealing with his issues on a daily basis are more difficult, especially since Clint is no longer here to help me. My son misses him, too; he misses the presence of the person he looked up to as a man. Clint kept him in line and I'm just too stressed to deal with some of his normal ten-year-old stubbornness. We are sharing in the grief, but it doesn't seem to ever let up for long. Even the most simple of daily tasks are challenging, especially since I have no one to share them with. On top of it all, the nights are lonely, too. Sometimes I really feel as though I'm the only one in the world who feels this way. Everybody else has gone on with their lives, seemingly unscathed by this tragedy.

[Lainey]

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now, but you are still in the early stages of grief when everything seems much harder. And you are not the only person to feel that way, I know when Lars first passed, I had a very hard time. I felt like no one knew what I was going through and the grief would never let up. I'm now close to thirteen months of being alone and find that things are getting better.

My children are adults,but I did find that the g/babies showed some unusual behavior after Grampa passed. The best way we found to deal with it was "talk..talk..and more talk" about him. Your son is only ten years old and it must be very hard on him also. Maybe he needs to vent his feelings .

Everything takes time, but it really gets easier as time goes by.

Lainey

[Dimcl]

Oh, I feel for you, wmjsca. It almost seems that the mundane, daily acts of living that we always breezed through previously are what causes the greatest difficulties now. I went to a dr.'s appointment this morning - no big deal - just a long-ago-scheduled checkup - and I didn't think much of it until I got home. Invariably, with such things, Glenn would have asked me "how it went" and then he would have said "Well, I'm glad to hear that you're going to be with me a while yet." Now, there's nobody to know about it, let alone care.

Then I had to go out and shovel the driveway and sidewalks for the third time in less than 24 hours and although those two things seem relatively benign, they wrecked my day. I guess it was a "poor me" day, but the idea that my future holds nothing but extra work and nobody to care how my checkups go, really set me off.

I've cried more today than I have in the last three and I feel like you. I don't have a youngster to take care of, though, and that must be hugely difficult for you. It might be a blessing, though, because you have to plow on, for his sake.

Except for the little guy, I know exactly how you feel and I just want to say how sorry I am.

Di

[melina]

Everyday tasks are tough - I feel pretty exhausted most days. I don't have a young child to deal with, but I do have a moody teenager. It's hard to tell if he's moody because he's a teenager or because he's grieving. Probably both. I miss being able to discuss our kids with the one person I knew would care just as much as I do.

We didn't ask to become stronger - but there's no escaping it. We'll just have to support each other here. I've been going to a bereavement support group and it has been good for me. The first time was a disaster, but it's gotten better. There is a woman there who has two sons, 8 and 10. The 10-year old is autistic. I would think she'd be a complete mess, but she isn't at all. She is coping remarkably well. She said things were nearly impossible just after her husband died, but now, nearly a year later, she still feels his loss, but is able to cope with daily tasks just fine. So there is hope that things will get better.

Melina

[kayc]

Does your son have an uncle or grandfather that could step up to the plate and help you once in a while by spending time with him? Or perhaps you could look into a big brother or scouting program that would be of help? If you attend church, you might talk with your pastor or elders about this need too, maybe there'd be someone in the church willing to step in and help. I know my ex husband and I used to do that with youngsters that didn't have a dad in their home or a decent home/upbringing. We spent years involved in some of the kids' lives, paid their way to church camp, etc., had their families over for some holidays, etc. It gave them a chance to learn things they wouldn't have gotten to learn otherwise. They went camping with us, my husband showed them how to change oil in the car, things like that. Plus they got another taste of how a household is run and others problem-solve, other than their mother. The more perspective kids can glean, the better off they are! Like Hilary said, "It takes a Village..."