STARKISS Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Hi All, I just do not know why but since the deaths of my parents I have had a real anger problem... I got really upset with my therapist tonight and now she says she might not be able to help me anymore... I know that my anger is something I have to deal with but without my therapist I just do not know how I am going to do it... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Anger can frequently be a symptom of buried hurt and losing someone we love hurts. You might try writing a list of what hurts and then see where that leads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Shelley, I'm sorry to hear your therapist would say she couldn't help you because of that, doesn't make sense to me. I get the anger thing too. What I do sometimes is write to my Dad/GOD and I vent SO MUCH and say things I'm not sure I would let another person ever see or know, but that's exactly the point, I can write exactly what I feel, what's going on inside when that anger hits badly and there is just a sense of relief after writing it, like it gets it out of me. The key is to write it somewhere that you can be 100% honest, hold nothing back and just literally let rip. For me I think the anger is because of the lack of control over the situation and just the uncertainty of what someone dying really means for us. We all know they are not here physically in this world but after that we don't know, it may depend on beliefs, faith, hope etc that they are still there and one day we get to be with them again. But at the end of the day there is no "real proof" ........nobody has photos, video of that place. Again I also think it's because I have nobody I can truly "blame" for this, nobody has come to be and given me a reason as to why my Dad was taken, no justification for it and I get angry because of that. I really hope your therapist with stick with you Shelley, anger is so normal for all what you are going through and what you have gone through so just like the issues surrounding you telling your family about your Dad, the anger also needs to be worked through, dealt with and understood. My anger is not gone, it's still there but I am aware of it and I understand it so sometimes when it gets bad I will make sure that I am alone, write it out, scream in my car and just keep myself away from people so I don't end up lashing out at them and saying something stupid that really has nothing to do with them. I've often lashed out to my Dad too for "disappointing" me by "leaving" me. ((hugs))) Shelley, Niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elb Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I am not sure I have the right or the knowledge to comment on your therapist's statement, but a good therapist, in my humble opinion, should be able to help you through as long as the anger goes on. When brother died I was not just angry I was infuriated I was bitter I was belligerent. My therapist sat across from me for YEARS listening and taking while I unleashed he fury of god on him. He really helped me not the least of which was because he accepted my anger and gave me a safe space to be as angry as I needed to be for as many years as it took to get myself to a more accepting place. And mind you I was a horror, I cursed at him and yelled at him and said all kind of personally and professionally insulting things to him and he would say "you seem angry today. Tell me about that,' i laugh thinking about it now but the only way I made it through was knowing that his office was an accepting place for me to feel my bad feelings. Hang in there because you are allowed to be as "irrationally" angry as you want but for the record the death of one's parents gives one the right rpm be completely and utterly raging... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DVLocker Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Shelley, I was never an angry person. For months after my wife passed I became short tempered and it still sneaks up on me from time to time but, I learned to control it. I hope some day to be like I was and not have to "control myself". Everyone says it just takes time. Pray for me and I will pray for you... Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hello123 Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 the frustrating thig is not knowing who to direct the anger at, I usually try god but it's difficult when its not an actual person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Hi All, I had a session with my therapist and we did a two hour session on anger I am feeling... We discovered that it is not only the lost of my parents but also the abuse done by my dad... I was actually able to get angry and hit a pillow several times and did alot of screaming too.. Shellley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emptyinside Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 I really wish every griever could be given a safe place to be open with his or her feelings without judgment. I find I'm an angrier person now. Before all this I wasn't an angry person at all. I hardly ever got angry. Now I get angry with far less provocation. I don't mean I flip off everyone in traffic, but I get angry at least once a month (it's a lot when it comes to me!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now