First Failure

[DVLocker]

As I do every weekend I make a list of things I should do to get out of my grief rut (out of the house). Saturday I ignored the list until 8PM when I pushed myself to get dressed up and leave the house. I went to a Karaoke bar I used to love to go to. I knew there would be people there that knew me from years ago so I would not be alone. I went and greeted all the people I knew then I found myself sitting alone and wishing I was home. After 90 minutes I had put down 3 beers (I never have more than 1). I realized I was trying to dull my feelings with Alcohol. I went out to my truck for a while to sit and sober up then I went back to pay my bill and get to where I felt safe (Home).

• 
  
  
• I have never been a drinker and especially now [since it is a depressant].
  
• Karaoke or Singing is my passion but, it is almost always in a Bar.
  
• Singing at Church is not the same thing.
  

Now that it is behind me and I am thinking about it for the post, Was this a failure or a learning experience?

[Deb625]

Good for you, while you may look at it as sad right now as you were on your own, you have gone through another first, the next time won't be as hard and the next a little easier - you may just be surprised that one day you enjoy yourself- this is a journey of many, many steps and they are hard, but the reality is life is going on around us and while it is easier to live in a "grief" bubble, we do have to try to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Be proud of yourself. Take care, Deb

[Lainey]

Dave,

What you did took so much courage,and I'm so glad that you took a first step. While it may not have been a good experience, at least you pushed yourself to do something.

Did you take another step today? Remember baby steps are all that are needed.Keep us posted, we're rooting for you.

Lainey

[DVLocker]

UPDATE: I did... After my post I took a drive (short but at least it was not to work).

Then for the first time in months I went outside the house and started doing yard and pool work. The mess I allowed to happen in the yard will take many weekends to turn around (if I keep it up).

I set a goal to have a Karaoke Party at my house this summer. I used to be a Karaoke DJ so I have the equipment but, the down side is Sally and I used to do these parties together and that sticks in my mind. It's not that I need Sally to set things up I just need Sally to make it whole.

Little steps

[Lainey]

I guess Canada is too far from Arizona or you'd have heard me cheer for you.

Wow, you are doing great, just remember to go slowly, little steps.Keep us posted.

Lainey

[Steven]

I see big pluses here:

• You could easily, at 8 PM, have put off action to get out of the house for another time. You didn't.

• You went to a place that you likely visited with Sally--probably not so easy.

• You did not drive under the influence & put anyone else at risk.

Of course, going to a bar does not require drinking--if it does, bars just might be places to avoid. One of my best friends was an alcoholic, and I just refused to drink with him when we learned of his alcoholism. If it's possible that drinking to dull your feelings could get out of hand for you, it looks like you've thought of a solution for that as well--a Karaoke party at your home. Sounds great--we play RockBand and I agree that it's waaaay more fun than I would have thought before trying it.

Congrats on taking action, having a learning experience (in my opinion), and not abandoning something that makes you happy.

Not a failure.

[kayc]

I would call it a learning experience. That you acknowledge that alcohol does no good, and in fact is further depressing, is a good thing to realize.

You can sing Karaoke without drinking. And you're right, it isn't the same as singing at church, but singing at church can be fun too...it all depends on the choir and the material they use. I love country music, and some of my favorite has been singing country gospel in a choir...although that was a lot of years ago, the church I'm in now doesn't have as great a choir or director and is more traditional. But the choir I used to be in was a lot of work and way fun!

[DVLocker]

I am still on a roll, I have started home repairs I put off. I had roofers coming out when Sally passed and I put them on HOLD. This week I told them to come and get it done. Now the plus here is they had to remove the TV Dish until they finish. I am without my TV so no reason to sit in my chair all night. I have to find things to do.

I just pray I don't do the two steps forward and 3 steps back as I did in the beginning.

[Lainey]

Dave,

I just pray I don't do the two steps forward and 3 steps back as I did in the beginning.

We've all done it and we will all probably do it many more times. The point is that you are moving forward. Good for you!

Lainey

[mfh]

The journey is always 2 forward, 3 back but we get there eventually. I am totally impressed with what you are doing and I think they are giant steps - not baby steps. They are all hard but you are doing it.