Thankyou

[Cheryl]

I am at the busy time of year with my job. Plus I am at the 1 1/2 year mark of my husbands death. Everyone assumes I am fine and moving on. The reality is that I am not crying everyday but rebuilding my life takes so much out of me and no one understands that I still need support. When I am hurting and needing someone to lean on I find myself checking multiple times of day for new posts and words of hope. Thankyou all for sharing your grief journey. I miss sharing my progress but hope to be able to take the time to share more, once the juggling act has calmed down. It is wonderful to be at a point where I don't want to die and I see hope. But it is a very stressful and lonely journey now that everyone sees me as okay. I feel like I am rambling, I know that you all understand. Take care, Cheryl

[melina]

Cheryl,

I do understand. I haven't come as far as you - am only at 7 1/2 months - but already I notice that people just assume I'm fine. I'm surprised that they're surprised that I'm still hurting. I'm busy at work as well, but find that little things set me off and I'm more easily stressed than I used to be.

I'm so glad you have reached that point where you see hope and want to live. That's such a milestone. But you're right, it's incredibly lonely. It's hard to be strong when you feel mushy inside and just want to lean on someone and rest for a while.

Melina

[Country Sunshine]

(((((Cheryl)))))

I'm not even 2 months into it and already folks are saying how strong I am and all that. It just reminds me of an old Smokey Robinson song called "Tracks of my tears".. All looks good on the outside, but I am tore up on the inside... and the horror of realizing he isn't coming home to me washes over me like a tsunami and threatens to smother me at times. I know that there are things that need doing and even more frustrating is my arthritis is threatening to keep me from accomplishint much with my hands. They work well open, but lock up when I close my hands... and then I begin to feel so totally lost and helpless ..... and only Christ is able to bring me around enough so as to put another smile on my face if only for a little while.

I just want this excruciating pain to stop or if not stop ... then perhaps subside a bit... but it isn't doing any of that.

Carolyn

[kayc]

Cheryl,

People really just don't have a clue unless they go through it themselves. I wish I'd had more contact/support from my children and church, but people have a way of slipping out and maybe don't want reminded of a sadder person/place/time. The truth is, our lives are altered forever, and we deal with it on a daily basis. It doesn't go away.

I am so glad we are here for each other. So many people quit coming here after two or three years, but I know that doesn't mean they don't still have to deal with it...they do, each and every day of their lives. I guess they just get used to it or give up on it getting any better.

[Deb625]

I recognize that people who have not been through this want "it" to be fixed... No one wants to look at us in pain where they don't have a band-aid to just make it better. I feel quite blessed that I have a great network of friends and family that simply understand - that they empathize, but don't truly understand.

They let me cry why I need to and they also kick my ass to get out and be a part of life. It is hard for me and hard for them - who wants to see someone in pain? I haven't been able to cook for myself since Michael passed (10 months ago), so my friends make me cook them a meal... They get a good "feed" and I get myself busy. They will never know (though I do tell them) how much it really means to me.

As I've said to many, take support where you can - every bit of it. This group has been wonderful in knowing I'm not crazy in my thoughts and feelings and the amount of tears I've shed, I'm blessed as well with people (friends and family) that just allow me to grieve. I have one friend that says "you get 2 years", I'm not sure what happens then... but I'll take all his love and support and see what happens. This grief is a journey of many, many steps and some days it is a breath at a time, some days a one foot in front of the other... We do get through. Take care, Deb