Bad Month

[Cat_Lady]

Hey everyone. I am really struggling these days. I think it has to do with Easter, my upcoming 50th birthday (on th 26th) and Mother's Day. I was out driving and was drawn to go out to the cemetery. This was my 1st visit since she passed January 4th and we buried her. I have been on a real rollercoaster ride of emotions lately; questioning everything in my life and maybe I thought if I went to see her I could talk with her somehow. It was a disaster. The ground was settled and there was no grass yet. It looked so fresh that I thought I was back on the day we buried her. I cannot stop crying and seem to be inconsolable the last week or so. Usually my husband and I go away for my birthday but I cannot even think of it. He thinks we should get away and spend some time together, and that it would do me good. What is wrong with me? Why can't I find pleasure in anything?

[2sweetgirls]

To you, it may feel like there is something wrong with you, cat_lady, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Grieving is a process of ups and down for a while, if not forever. I really don't like saying those words because I didn't and still don't like them but, they are true. If I think back to the first few months after my mom died, I felt like an alien. I didn't know whether I was coming or going. I couldn't concentrate. No one could do the right thing for me. Basically, I didn't know what I needed or wanted in order to recieve it from anyone else. Do whatever gets you through the day. If you feel like crying, then cry. You have to release it somehow. I can understand how going to the grave site can bring you right back to the day your mom was buried. I'm sorry. For me, seeing my parents names with birth and death dates, really REALLY upsets me.

Wishing you peace today, tomorrow and always.

2sweetgirls

[skeewee]

Dear One-

My mom died on March 1st and I feel the same way. I am also 49 years old and never thought that I would be without my mom so soon. The only place that I can find solace is at church. Have you tried a house of worship or a bereavement group? I will start counseling tomorrow which I hope will help. I pray that you will find solace in some place if only for a few moments. We are all in this together.

[Cat_Lady]

Thanks to you all for your support. It is always good to hear that I am not losing my mind. I realize that in terms of time, it really is still very recent. Hearing how everyone else copes gives me comfort that somewhere out there is some solace somewhere.

[BellaRosa]

Hi Cat_Lady,

I'm a little late in responding, but I don't think anything is wrong with you. I go through periods where I seem to be doing fine, and then sometimes I feel like I'm right back to the first week or so after my mom passed. I think it's normal for us to go through emotions this way, although it is disconcerting when it comes out of nowhere!

I can understand not wanting to do anything on your birthday this year. I know I will feel the same way when my birthday comes around. Last year, it was my birthday weekend when I realized just how ill my mother was, so I'm sure I'm going to revisit all of those feelings as well and I'm just not looking forward to it. I always thought I would have a big party for my 30th, but now I just want to sleep through the day and ignore it.

Erin

[niamh]

aw I'm sorry things are tough Cat_Lady, wow there is a lot coming up for you, of course you are struggling. Birthday, Mother's Day and Easter is a lot to cope with.

I have no words of comfort unfortunately but just know that we can relate and there is nothing at all wrong with how you are feeling and what you are going through.

I had a tough time when I saw my Dad's grave levelled out, then within weeks the grass was put down and started growing ......to me it felt like all physical traces of my Dad having been in this world were disappearing, I wanted the humb back on his grave, I don't like seeing it with just grass like there's nothing there because my Dad's body is there.

I too find it hard to find pleasure in anything, I do little things now that I "like" to do, but there's no real pleasure, I guess I feel like I am just going through the motions of everything, I can take or leave things, if I go for dinner with a friend, it's fine, we have nice chats etc but I'm definitely still missing true enjoyment & excitement.

I don't force or make myself do anything I don't want to or am not up to, I find that puts me in worse form because it's forced. Of course your husband means well waning to take you away for your birthday, all I can say is go with your gut on it, whatever you feel like doing yourself, you just need to be kind and gentle with yourself these days.

sending a ((hug)), comfort and peace to you,

Niamh