Even Good News Makes Me Cry

[melina]

I wish I could have one whole week of smooth driving through this grief place without any sob stops. I'm 8 1/2 months out now, and still some days are okay, others not so good. The last few days have actually not been too bad. Son nr. 3 came home for spring break, so I've got two sons home now. It lifted my spirits to hear them chattering away and playing Playstation games until three in the morning, with the dog between them on the couch. They were almost like little boys again. It felt like a real home - something I've been sorely missing.

Then yesterday son nr. 2 calls to tell me that he's getting married. I'm thrilled for him and love my daughter-in-law to be as though she was my own daughter, but after I spoke with him, I broke down and cried for an hour. I have no idea why. Maybe because my husband should have been here to share the news with me, and attend the wedding with me. He was sick when we were attending our eldest son's wedding, and he died a month later. I guess this just dredges up all those bad memories of his last days - and we didn't even know he was dying until the day before he died.

This morning I received an e-mail from friends inviting me to their 30th wedding anniversary - bubbling over with enthusiasm - "hey we made it together for 30 years!". Another round of crying - I'm still sniffling here. That should have been us. This news awakens envy in me, I know.

Just had to tell someone.

melina

[hello123]

Hey Melina, I definitely don't think theres anything abnormal about what you are saying, yeah they are good events but that's also why they make you upset, he's missing all these things he's not there with you it's normal to be upset. And as for the wedding anniversary that's another thing that's bound to be upsetting, sometimes people say stuff and I dunno about you but I take it in the wrong way but they don't mean it in a bad way, she's happy and excited but in my personal opinion she should be a bit more sensitive but thats just me I think people should make allowances because sometimes when they say stuff it's upsetting and that upset couldve been avoided. As for you crying, it hasnt been long it's good that you are crying rather than getting angry or keeping it all in etc so don't think theres anything wrong with it because there's not!!

[Lainey]

Morning Melina,

I can imagine the feeling you must have had when you received the Anniversary invitation. Just reading about it makes me feel that life is so unfair and I'm jealous even thinking about it. I know that it's unfair of me to hate people that are enjoying their lives, but that's how it is. I've found that I'm avoiding friends of Lars' and mine simply because they are a couple. I feel bad about it, it wasn't their fault my husband got sick and left this world, but yet the feelings are there. So at 8 months, I don't think you should worry too much about crying over things.We'll all probably be doing it many years down the road, not to sound like a pessimist, just facing a fact of life.

Tears of happiness and sadness probably fell when your son told you he was getting married. It's a huge step in his life and Thyge will be missing it(another first).The fact he was sick at the last wedding most likely doesn't help either, just brings all the painful memories back.

I'm getting sad knowing that Lars will be missing our 2 oldest g/babies graduating from Grade 8.I hate to even think what my reaction will be when they finish high school, university, get married and the worst... having babies.

Hope things get better for you.

Lainey

[mfh]

My friend and I used to laugh at how our lives had so much in common..birthdays a week apart, married the same number of years, on and on....Now when she and her husband celebrated their 25th anniversary I wished them well but could not laugh...because this year I will not be celebrating that day...When people tell me about their upcoming vacations, I smile and then go to my car and cry because I won't go on any more vacations with my husband. It goes on and on and is a part of the journey that others who have not walked this path just do not get and won't until it is their turn to walk it. Almost every day there is what I call an ambush...a memory brought up out of nowhere, a pain highlighted....even the warm sunny days make me more lonely. Here in southern Wisconsin we had a lot of snow, hail, sleet, icy roads, thunder, rain and lightning yesterday...I did not dare say out loud that I loved every minute of it because I did not have to think about enjoying a warm sunny spring day without my love...and all we would do/would have done on a day like that. It was a bit of a reprieve from spring. Crazy? maybe not. Real? for sure.

[pinkpony]

melina- I so understand, my friend had her 30th anniversary party a month before my dh passed(we had just had our 25th) & they showed a video of their life w/ the song "remember when" allan jackson(that was dh & I's song) & I lost it in front of all these strangers,I knew that dh & I would never get to finish "our song" I had to leave the party. even family get togethers(his side) I can't handle right now, I try but I go in knowing its Ok for me to leave & I do. none of my kids are getting married or have that special one in their lives right now, but I know that will be another emotional rollercoaster when it comes. hang in there & remember its part of our "journey" here & someday we will know the reason for it.

[kayc]

You get past the envy stage after a while and can be happy for people with their good fortune again...but every once in a while it occurs, WHY couldn't we have lasted longer and enjoyed all of this together? I suppose we'll always have some degree of that. Part of it is knowing they should be around to share in that...I would have given anything if George could have been at my daughter's wedding, he would have loved knowing the kids made it. I hope you can really enjoy the day when your son's wedding takes place.

[melina]

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I'm going to ditch the anniversary party, but I'll certainly be at my son's wedding. It will be a low-key close family only affair. So it will be me and all his brothers, plus a sister-in-law, and his fiancee's sister and aunt. My mother, his grandmother, will also be coming, but I think we can all survive that.

Melina

[pinkpony]

melina- that sounds perfect!