A Big Step

[MartyT]

A thought-provoking post by Brooke Simmons, recently widowed and working mom of identical twins, who blogs at 2 Peas in the Pod:

I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. – Thomas Edison

I have taken a huge step in this grief process.

I have taken off my wedding ring.

I feel the need to keep pushing myself onward through this and I can’t co-exist in two worlds. One in which I am still betrothed to my husband, and one in which I will allow new relationships and new beginnings into my life. I cannot continue to be committed to someone who is not here. “Til death do us part”…I said those very vows and I thought that I meant them. Turns out I meant “Til death do us part, plus 10 months just to be sure”. Read on here >>>

[WaltC]

Thank You Marty,

I do agree with you that it is a "thought-provoking" post and probably gives some comfort to those who chose to "move on" . However, I have absolutely no problem continuing to be committed to my spouse who is no longer physically with me on this earth. I continue to wear both my wife's wedding ring and my own on my left hand.

[MartyT]

And Walt, that is fine for you. I'm sure many of our members share your viewpoint on this matter of wedding rings. As you've heard me say so many times over the years, this is YOUR journey, and you are the only one who can decide how to travel the path before you. Blessings to you and your precious Jeannie ♥

[melina]

Thanks for this Marty. I've been wondering when I ought to remove my ring. For the time being, it has to stay on - because I can't seem to get it off!

Besides, it's been on there for nearly 30 years - I think it might feel strange to be without it.

Melina

[mfh]

I agree...we each do our journeys the way we choose and support each other on the way. I choose to wear my own and my husband's wedding bands on my left hand (though right now they are on my right as I broke two fingers on my left hand...). There they will stay forever...it is just my choice. I think we all need to go inside and see what works for each of us. And what works today may not work tomorrow....mfh

[kath]

Thank you, Marty, for a well-timed post.

I recently took my rings off, just shy of 4 years without Bob. I felt really guilty about it, but I have lost so much jewelry that he has given me and these I didn't want to lose. My cousin gave me a ring that belonged to my grandma. It had a little blue stone that fell out. My engagement ring had a very tiny diamond (because I was there to help pick it out and I am much too practical, you know!)The diamond fell out years ago when I was at ECFE with the kids. Bob had always wanted to get me a larger diamond and he replaced it shortly after. I'm thinking I should put the original diamond in grandma's ring. They are two special people and they got along really well together then, so...

I'm rambling a bit here, but the mark still remains on my hand where I wore the rings for 25 years. Just this week I have been conversing with a gentlemen and am looking forward to meeting him in person. I have given up planning my timeline for moving forward. It seems to happen when the moment is right. It's a bit nerve-racking, but my heart and my head seem to be in agreement. Surviving Bob's death has taught me so much about trusting my instincts. It almost feels like Bob's still here, prodding me to keep on moving. I think he'd approve.

Kath

[MartyT]

And here is another one: My Other Ring posted today on Widow's Voice by Michele Neff Hernandez:

About four months after Phil's death, I returned to my nail salon for the first time since being widowed. As I sat in the chair trying to keep it together while idle chatter swirled around me, my manicurist looked up and asked if I was going to take off my rings. Absently I handed them to her (my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and Phil's wedding ring were all crowded together on my finger) and she set them down awkwardly on the table next to us. Then she looked up at me and said, "Isn't your husband dead?" At first I was sure I heard her wrong. "Excuse me?" I said. Turns out my hearing was fine, because she repeated herself. Read on here >>>>>