Relay For Life

[Tee]

I've been on the Relay for Life team at my work for a couple months and have participated in bake sales and fund raising, etc... Today is the actual day of the 18 hour event, where people support cancer and cancer survivors and support the all around cause. I couldn't get myself to go to the event. I was 8 years old when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I watched her fight for 6 years, going through chemo, radiation, the drugs, and all the pain. I was 14 when she passed away. Even though its 9 years later, I feel all the pain and grief still. The whole point of the 18 hour event is to understand the pain, struggle, and fight that cancer patients go through. But all I keep thinking about is all the pain I went through for 6 years just hoping and praying that my mother would get better. My friends and co workers keep asking me why I didn't show up and why I'm not there, but they just won't understand even if I told them. I miss her everyday, and as much as I've tried to block out all the pain of the past, it's moments like this and events like this that cause all this hurt to resurface. Does anyone else feel like this or understand? I just can't talk to everyone, because I know not everyone understands. It's hard to talk to my husband and my best friend about these things because they've never dealt with this kind of loss.

[Babypod]

Tee,

I quit a job I loved after 8 years because one of the clients I had to help lost her child the same way I lost mine. It brought back every emotion I ever had - it was like I had lost that baby that morning. Now - I admit that a 20 week pregnancy loss is nothing like the loss of your mother - but I do understand the feelings. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.

Angel

[BellaRosa]

Tee,

I only lost my mom 6 months ago (she lost a 5 month battle with lung cancer), but I think I can understand where you're coming from. I thought about participating in Relay for Life this year, for her, but I don't know that I would be able to handle it. I don't know if I ever will. I know I'm still very new to this journey of grief, but it seems like the smallest things will set me right back into that raw feeling from the beginning. Just today at lunch, I was reading something about veterans. No big deal, right? My mom was hospitalized on Veterans' Day last November and just reading the word immediately put me back into the ER with her and all of those feelings came back without warning. I suppose things like that will always happen, but those who haven't lost someone very close don't know what it's like to be doing fine and then all of a sudden, not very well at all.

Erin

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

These temporary "setbacks" are quite common and normal in the course of grief; they are known as Sudden, Temporary Upsurges of Grief (STUGS), or Grief Triggers. You may find these articles helpful:

Coping with 'Shutdown Spells' in Grief by Marty Tousley, Open to Hope, December 7, 2010

Grief Happens: Taking the Risk to Bloom After a Loss by Chris Mulligan, Open to Hope, August 21, 2009

What Does Grief Look Like? by Allison Daily, Open to Hope, September 23, 2009

Dealing with GriefTriggers after a Loss by Louis LaGrand, Open to Hope, March 22, 2009

Dealing with Those Darn Grief Triggers by Harriet Hodgson, Open to Hope, November 6, 2008