9 Months

[Darl]

It has been 9 month since Jim died and I am feeling lost and lonley. I went to Laughlin Nevada with my daughter and grandaughter over the week-end. When Jim and I went there 2 years ago we talked about coming back with the camper, picked out the places we would stay and the things we would see. He was diagnosed with cancer shortly after that trip so we never got to go back together.

Walking around with a grandson he never saw, going to the same places, I can't even describe the feelings of nothingness that I had. So many people around and it was as if I was walking alone.

The friends we had together have pretty much disappeared, the ones still here think I should be fine by now. I am not fine, I miss the sharing of things we did, or what happened during the day. Now, I can just sit for hours and stare at nothing.

I am better than I was 9 months ago but I feel like I am in limbo and this is going to be the rest of my life.

Darl

[Perkins808]

Darl ~ I can relate to what you are saying. My husband has been gone for 10 months.....and it seems like all the things that would have brought us joy are now sad reminders that he is gone.

I too am so much better than I was 10 months ago, but it seems like I'm kind of plodding through life just waiting for this fog to clear.

Maybe it will? I am holding onto the hope that life IS going to get better!

Hugs,

Tammy

[mfh]

Darl, I know those feelings. The first time I was with family 7 months after Bill died, NO ONE asked me how I was doing or even brought up his name after he was a family member of 25 years. So in the midst of those who should have been embracing me, I was really alone. It happens to all of us. When I addressed it with them, it got worse.

I know the pain of looking ahead and knowing "alone" is yours. I feel that way also. I try not to look ahead right now as i am after 14 months trying to just get through a day, find meaning in it somehow...little things. This is the most difficult thing in most of our lives....a turning point that changed us forever. Somehow we will all get through it and perhaps use its lessons to help others. That is about all I can see right now...i am more compassionate than I was....We are here for you.....stick with us. mfh

[melina]

Darl,

I just wanted you to know that I think I know exactly how you feel.

I'm writing this from Iceland of all places. I live in Norway - so Iceland is not that exotic. I'm here for a work conference, together with two colleagues who also happen to be my two closest friends. It's my first real travel experience since my husband died nearly 10 months ago.

Yesterday evening I had a mini-breakdown, where I couldn't stop crying. It was just this feeling of never being able to see my husband again - I couldn't call him, couldn't send him a text message, wouldn't see him when I got home to share my experiences. All my travel experiences with my husband came up - nothing specific, just bits and pieces of memories and the sensation of being "on the road" with him and our kids. My friends were understanding - but they couldn't truly understand. The one friend is happily married to a healthy husband and they've been together 29 years. The other is divorced, but her son still has a father, and she's still friendly with her ex. They have normal lives. This travel experience is just plain fun for them.

I wanted to comment on Tammy's post of positive news despite the grief - but I just couldn't find anything. That sounds like a downer from my side, but this is such a struggle. The emptiness is so consuming.

But it's not quite as bad as it was 10 months ago - and you say the same thing. So we can only hope this will get better.

Melina

[kayc]

I am better than I was ___ months/years ago but I feel like I am in limbo and this is going to be the rest of my life.

I feel like this sums it up for most of us.

[Darl]

Thank you, this site gives me strength.

Darl

[sunstreet]

Dear Darl,

I am sorry for you loss. I hear and see your pain. I am so sorry. I resonate for I was once there in my path after the loss of my wife. I want to encourage you that I moved through that stretch of this path and I pray it will be so for you too.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann