Status Update

[dave s]

TODAY IS 2 MONTHS SINCE I LOST MIKE......MARTY RECENTLY TOLD ME OR REMINDED ME THAT EVERYDAY IS AN ANNIVERSARY, WHICH ACTUALLY PUT MILESTONES LIKE THIS IN PERSPECTIVE. I THINK ABOUT MIKE TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT DURING EACH DAY, HAD A DREAM ABOUT HIM THE OTHER NIGHT, WISH I COULD REMEMBER IT. HAVE FAMILY IN FROM OUT OF TOWN LAST NIGHT AND THEY HEARD ME YELL MIKE REPEATEDLY IN MY SLEEP.....I JUST KNOW THAT I WILL SEE OR COMMUNICATE WITH HIM AGAIN SOMEDAY, THROUGH NATURE, FEEL HIS PRESENCE AROUND ME OR ?? AND THIS THOUGHT BRINGS ME ALOT OF COMFORT.

AS I HAVE SAID IN THE RECENT PAST HAVE FIGURED THAT EVERYTHING NOW IS ABOUT ME.....MY MOM WHO WAS SARCASTIC ABOUT THAT STATEMNET IN THE PAST HAS NOW BECOME VERY SUPPORTIVE OF THAT THOUGHT! SHE REALLY IS A GOOD MOM AND HATE TO SEE THE LOOK OF PAIN IN HER FACE WHEN I AM DOWN.....SHE IS NOW VERY ENCOURAGING OF ME TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I AM GOING WITH ALL THESE PROFOUND CHANGES IN MY LIFE. FIRST THING IS I WILL CONTINUE TO EXERCISE, CARETAKING AND STRESS HAS TAKEN A HORRIBLE TOLL ON MY BODY HAVE BEEN DOING VERY LITTLE.. BUT AT LEAST SOME EXERCISE EVEN IF IT IS JUST AROUND THE BLOCK....IT SEEMS TO HELP MY MOOD, NEXT WILL BE TAKING A LONG VACATION IN AUGUST...GOING HOME TO SEE OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY OUGHT TO GIVE ME A BOOST! NEXT WILL BE RESEARCHING AND STUDYING WHAT TO DO NEXT AS MY CAREER....AS MOST OF YOU KNOW I AM A RN, BUT FIND NO MORE JOY IN THE PROFESSION AND KNOW IT IS TIME TO BE LEAVING IT...WHATS NEXT? HAVE SOME THOUGHTS.....HOPING TO DISCOVER SOMETHING WITH MORE POSITIVE OPORTUNITIES...

WHEN MIKE DIED I PUT AWAY ALOT OF HIS PICTURES BUT 2 DAYS AGO I GOT THEM ALL OUT AND DISPLAYED AROUND THE HOUSE IT NOW BRINGS ME COMFORT....HAVE EVEN BROUGHT OUT AND DISPLYED THE BAD PIC OF HIM IN HOSPICE.....IT HELPDS ME TO REMEMBER THAT HE HAD LOST ALL QUALITY OF LIFE.......AND TO REMEMBER THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT.....HAVE ALSO DISCOVERED THAT LISTENING TO HIS FAVORITE MUSIC USE TO MAKE ME CRY.....IT STILL CAN BUT AM ABLE TO SMILE THROUGH IT SOME NOW.....HAVE ALSO DABBLED INTO MAKING SOME OF HIS FAV FOODS

GOD IT FEELS LIKE 2 MONTHS HAS BEEN A LIFETIME FOR ME! I JUST KNOW AND GOT TO BELIEVE THAT HE STILL GOING TO BE WITH ME....AM LEARNING TO NOT LISTEN OR EVEN ENTERTAIN WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING.....I HAVE TO GO WITH WHAT I FEEL IN MY HEART TO SURVIVE THIS TRAUMA.

AND I KNOW I WILL SURVIVE THIS TRAUMA, BUT WILL I BE HAPPY AGAIN??????

I HOPE THE REST OF YOU IN "MY WORLD" ARE HANGING IN THERE....TAKE CARE! DAVE

[mfh]

Well Dave, as I figure it you are close to half way through this anniversary...I think you are in Massachusetts where it is almost 4pm. I am so relieved that your Mom is able now to be there for you in a more supportive way. Moms hate to see their kids in pain. Glad you were able to get the pictures out. I love having Bill's around...especially the painting my artist friend did. It comforts me a lot. I know you will make it through today and yes, every day is an anniversary in a sense...every day is hard. But it does get easier except for the waves that roll in unexpectedly

Sleep peacefully. I believe that our loved ones come to us in dreams.

Mary

[dave s]

AS ALWAYS THKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT! ACTUALLY LIVE IN ARIZONA 1 PM NOW BUT AT LEAST HALFWAY THORUGH MY SHIFT! HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A REASONABLE DAY! DAVE

[kayc]

I'm glad your mom is showing her support now. I built a shrine to George when he died, the entire house had pictures, etc, but then I took them down because it hurt to see them, then put some back up, and over the years have gone in spurts. I have a couple of picture up all of the time so that I can see him smiling.