One Year Ago Today

[kayc]

It's been exactly one year. I survived it and so will all of you. One year ago today I was at work and I received a Fed Ex pkg. about 9:37 am...I opened it up and he'd returned the cell phone he'd had on my plan along with a note that started "I'm sorry it didn't work out..." I'm like, "What?! What do you mean it didn't work out?" I was shocked! I didn't get to talk to him for over two months. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life, but I've survived it. I don't want any man now, I don't trust them as far as I can spit. I like Jim, still talk to him but that's as far as it goes.

[Miri]

Hugs and hugs, kayc. I'm so sorry that you are observing this sad anniversary. I thought of you this morning because I remember this date and its significance. I can't imagine the shock you must have felt at receiving that package - what a horrible experience it must be to recall what it was like. I'm glad that you have survived and are doing better a year later, and are also helping others cope. There are many wonderful people on this forum and I am grateful to all of them for their advice and support.

[haveFAITH]

KayC ...you're so inspiring, and you already know how much I appreciate you as a friend. Thank you so much for continuing with this forum and helping us all through this tough time. I am so grateful to you for having the strength to come here and relive this story with us over and over again... even a year later. God bless your courage this past year, for you have survived and come through it. Prayers go out for you, for times of happiness coming forward.

[kayc]

It was a huge huge shock, one I will never forget. It was the crappiest most lowdown weak-spined way in the world to break up with someone, to not even talk to me in person, let alone on the phone! And it made me feel he is really unworthy of me, but what I had the hardest time understanding (and still don't) is what the hell was all the crap he told me all year about he loved me and wanted to marry me and we were going to spend our lives together? Nothing makes sense, nothing goes together! How can you love someone one minute and not the next? How can you tell them these things and then just up and dump them? It's not like we were fighting or anything. I had objected to not being allowed to visit when he was taking care of his dying mother...I still don't feel it was right to allow his ex-wife to come over but not me, I was his fiance and had been for a full year! Hell, I wasn't even allowed to bring him a meal and meet him out front! No, it was wrong of him to not show regard to my place in his life, wrong of him to shut me out, wrong of him to break up with me. But I'm sure as hell glad he did! I don't WANT anyone that could treat me like that! I DO, however, disagree with how he went about it, I can't ever overlook that, that was just flat out wrong no matter how you cut it. I remember how hard it was for me to take my dog to the park and A & W because Jim and I used to do that together on Saturdays...or how hard it was to go to church by myself, and people kept asking how Jim was, where he was, etc. They all liked him and felt sorry for him about his mom and his situation but no one seemed to have a clue or care what I was going through. I even had one person on a forum say I was all wrong that I should just understand what he was going through and they'd do the same thing if their dying mother didn't want me over! I thought, Wow, there's other crappy people in the world! I wouldn't side with my crazy mother over my fiance, I'd stand up for him! Nope, it just goes to show he was all wrong for me, and it was good to know it before marrying him and THEN getting my heart broken. I've had enough of that. I always felt everyone else was lucky because at least their BFs broke up with them in person, but I guess it doesn't matter because none of you got any good explanations either, and the shock is the same regardless of how we're told. But still, to send the package to my office so I'd get it in the morning, knowing I'd be upset in front of all my coworkers, knowing I'd have to stay and work all day afterwards, well that was unforgivable. That is such a passive aggressive thing to do, and frankly, I just didn't deserve it! It makes me so glad I don't have someone that could hurt me. I look around and see other couples who treat each other well and are happy together and I'm glad for them, but it doesn't seem in the cards for me...I don't even feel jealous, I just feel bewildered as to why some men don't seem to have the ability to appreciate and recognize when they have something wonderful. It makes me WANT to grow old alone, it beats giving someone the chance to break my heart again!

[haveFAITH]

I agree. It will be a while before being able to trust someone else with the power to break our hearts that way again. When I see other couples, I dont feel jealous, I just look at them and feel sorry for them for having gotten pulled in. Its kind of "negative" to think that way I suppose, but its also realistic. Theyre going to break up one way or another some day ...is how I see it. What a waste of time going through the whole "I Love You's and dont know what I would do without you's...." i've done all that so many times, that I just dont believe in it anymore. In the end, all of it was just words.