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Feeling Sad

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Haven't been to the site for sometime, but have been feeling so sad and lonely. Mom has been gone now for over a year and a half and I still don't seem to be accepting it. I don't know if I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Since her death I have retired and seem lost. I do think part of it is that I don't feel needed anymore, that I have no purpose. I have a wonderful husband and terrific kids and grandkids but I feel I've come to the realization that sometimes there is just one person in your life that you connect with more than any other. I just have no one to share my deepest thoughts with. I still feel guilt over so many things. She was such a wonderful person and she never seemed to get the credit she deserved, even from me. What I would give to just talk to her again. I have thought of volunteering at the assisted living facility where she lived but feel it may stir up too many emotions. I want to move on and find fulfillment and happiness again. I feel like such a whiner. I don't talk to anyone about these feelings and I'm sure they think I'm doing fine now. I just can't seem to really enjoy anything anymore. I thought it would be better by now.

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Becky, dear, my heart goes out to you as I read your message. I understand your reluctance to volunteer at the assisted living facility where your mother lived ~ but I hope for your own sake you will consider some other alternatives, as it sounds as if you may be ready ~ and there are so many ways you could use your talents and skills in the service of others that wouldn't necessarily stir up all those negative emotions. Volunteering is such a wonderful way to "find fulfillment and happiness again" that you are seeking, and it's certainly worth a try. I invite you to read my article, Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering as it offers many suggestions you may not have considered yet. And remember: No pressure! If you are ready to do this and it's a good fit for you, you will know. The beauty of volunteering is that you get to do what makes your own heart sing, and if it doesn't do that for you, you're under no obligation to an employer who expects you to earn a paycheck. You are free to move on and try something else.

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Beckym - I totally understand. I love my husband and my children - but Grandma was my best friend, my mom, my grandma, the sister I never had - all rolled into one. I could tell her anything and she would know exactly what to say to make me feel better. I miss her hands, I miss her voice, I miss her smell. I miss the way she made me feel when I was with her. No one has ever given me the love, support, and pure simple joy that she did (even my children)

I don't know if we can ever find a way to accept living without that person. Sometimes I think it is like someone who lost a limb - they continue to go on - find a way to survive - but they still look down and see that missing limb every day. Wish I could give you something to help. You will have my thoughts and prayers.

I know - for me - I do still talk to Grandma. I don't know if it is healthy or not - but I talk to her like she is in the room. Sometimes I feel like she is in the room with me.


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