Pictures Of Him

[Spika]

Recently every time I hear a song that my dad would listen to or see a picture of my dad I just want to start crying. We loved each other so much, and we were friends. I can't understand why all this time is going on. I feel like I am leaving him behind. Then I feel really guilty, and shocked to remember some of the things he endured that I can't know talk to him about. I just don't know how someone can be so gone, so forever. I miss him more and more each day, he deserved another 40 or so years. I have little desire to do those things that would have made him proud because he is gone now, and will be forever. So why keep doing them? I feel like a little part of me died with him, but I guess that is how it goes for people when someone they are close to dies. When will I be able to accept everything?

[hello123]

I feel the same way, and I don't think anyone gets it. I know somebody who lost his dad at a young age and when I tried explaining to him that nothing is important now, nothing is the same he just didnt agree with me at all or see where I was coming from. People have tried saying, oh but in time you'll learn to love those things again, but although some of this may be true nothing WILL be the same again so it is gonna be different! I know exactly what you mean when you say "whats the point in doing anything", I know its the wrong attitude to have because we are still alive we must carry on and make the most of our lives because we could also die prematurely and regret not living to the full. But for now, do what you're comfortable doing, it takes time and just do what you feel to do and take one day at a time. Don't feel guilty, because although a cliche, he would've wanted you to live to the max right?

[niamh]

I had this exact conversation with a friend last night who lost her husband. I feel like I just go through the motions of life but I dont truly enjoy anything anymore. I know in my heart the happiest days are truly over and not even half way through my life I find that a struggle, nothing will ever be as good as it was before. Even if something good happens, it's always going to be tarnished by Dad not being here to share it so it's like the good will always be taken out of everything.

I know I hate seeing changes around that he's not hear to see, things he didn't even see the start of. I lots of things have a timeline of "before" and "after" I lost him.

Spika, I too know part of me went with my Dad, the spark is gone and unless my Dad walks back in the front door, it won't ever come back in this lifetime.

I find I just don't and can't care about anything anymore other than my Mom. Sometimes even with friends I find myself feeling ah everyone leaves anyways, everyone's going to let you down because parents are the only ones you truly have you top of their list all the time. I keep comparing people and things people do to how my Dad was and nobody ever comes close to him and it's frustrating.

I really just find myself wishing this life away, it feels pretty senseless now and I want to get to the point of seeing my Dad again.

it's a long lonely road....

((hugs))

Niamh

[pmpupdamike]

Spika..I don't know how long it takes. I think it is different for everybody. I still have the sense of longing, waiting, for my dad to come home. What is more, I don't have enough spiritual fortitude to say with certainty that his soul is at rest. I am not sure if I believe in signs, or anything of the like. I wish I were more complacent, in that respect, but right now I am much too sad. I think, however, it is normal. I hope you find peace very soon. I hope all of us do.

[Spika]

Thank you so much for your kind replies, I appreciate it a great deal. I can relate a lot to what you guys are saying. I am finding that everything is taking on a new identity without my dad, things will never be as they were no matter how hard I wish it.