pmpupdamike

My deepest sympathies Lucia.

Dave, I am not sure if saying Happy Thanksgiving, is appropiate, but I want to wish you a peaceful Harvest, and Holiday Season. See, that is just it, I think, everyone here made some excellent points, especially the one regarding acquiring new interests, that were independent of your late partner. I think, that when you start to realize the sincerity of others, the genuine regard, that friends and associates may have, when they say something like Happy Holidays, Or Merry Christmas, maybe you might see the good around you, and hence absorb it. Music I believe is meant to stir the soul, the senses, and the body. I am not sure if there is anything negative in that, rather, how you allow yourself to take in the melody, and infuse infuse it, in your life. If the urge strikes you to cry, or scream, or in my case clean, or run, I do. I suggest you do the same, let your passions, be stirred, in what ever format, you will then see, how you can actually control them/focus, in a positive manner. My mother, having recently lost my father, is in a similar state to yours, except that she does not have the sense of out reach, that you have. Instead, she stays in the moment, filled with grief, and each song, picture, melody, memory is like a stab for her. I realize we all have different levels of resiliance, and fortitude. Still, I often think, that these facets (music, pictures) , are not the real issue, maybe, the process of healing is about discovering that? maybe I dunno? : )

I am little late, on wishing Everyone wonderful Thanksgiving wishes and hoping that everyone continues on thier road towards peace. Reading all of your replies, I can't help but to sense the life force, that emnates from all of you, even in your grief. I think, all of you, do your S/O's very proud, by keeping such love alive. In all honesty, I have been staying away from the board, because, I have not been in the sharing mood, despite the holidays's emphasis on sharing, love and peace. I think I am a little stuck, but reading your stories, have really helped me, inch towards reconcilation, with my own loss. Thank you. It is your self-lessness that I am thankful for.

Hi Spika. I think what you are experiancing is normal. I can't seem to watch commercials, or sad movies. The nature of some graphic movies, is perceived very individually. I personally don't mind them, but anything with an emotional or semantic message, leaves me in tears, as a result, I can't watch the simplest cartoon i.e. ALL dogs Go To Heaven. I think, though, that if the intensitiy of the moment, lingers with you, for more than a few days, or weeks, perhaps grower more intense, then maybe, there is alot more going on. Are you able to talk to somebody? Group?

Rox..I am so sorry for your loss. You should be very proud of yourself, as you were a great daughter and care taker, when your parents needed you. Wishing you lots of peace! Mir

Heather I am sorry for what you are facing. I feel pretty lost and overwhelmed as well. I think it is pretty normal, as both our losses are recent ones. I envy your ability to let go and cry, I sometimes wish, I could do just that, with wild abandon. This forum helps alot, even if for the simple reason, of just writing out my feeings. Wishing you lots of peace. Mir

Hi Rosie. I am so very sorry for your losses. I can understand and relate. I don't have any words of wisdom, except to say, that I think a grief support group specific to care takers might be worth your while. As you share your experience, the easier the healing process will unfold. I lost my father on 9/28 and it is still very raw, but I try to cope in my own way. Coming to this forum, is one way. I wish you all the peace and support you need. Mir

Good Luck! you are very inspiring!

Debbie..I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have alot of answers, but understand the state you find yourself in. I don't think there is a lexicon on how to get over such grief, or an overview of it impacts our lives. There are no simple explanations, rather it is just a state, that each individual must get through. I tend to immerse myself in the mundane, in the tasks of mother, wife, daughter and friend, I have those lonely night weeping episodes myself, so perhaps I am not the best person to talk to..lol, but never theless, I want you to know, that you are NOT alone!! Mir

I am so sad for you. Please accept my deepest sympathies. I think, the folks here have given great advice. Wishing you peace and support during your time of sadness. Mir

I am very sorry for your loss(es) Rosie. I am sorry that you are in so much pain. I can only say, that I can relate, although, that I have the distraction of my 3 children and family to help with the sorrow. I often think, that in many cases, it is easier to sometimes just immerse yourself with purpose, how that "purpose" is defined, is very unique and individual. Many here, can describe several different coping mechanisms. It does sound however, that your grief, is still very raw, and very shocking. I think, this is pretty normal, considering your unique experiance as a care taker. Have thought about a support group, specific to care takers, or perhaps a visit to a therapist?

Hi Becky I am sorry for the loss of your dear partner and pet. I think you sound great, and the fact, that you had a much deserved weekend, is a positive! Good for you! I think it means you are grateful for life, and the gifts that it has given you. What better way to honor those whom you have lost, then to live happy with peace and love around you. Wishing you continued strength and peace, as those important dates approach. Mir

Niamh, you sound like a kind, humane, and sweet woman. No doubt, your father was/is very proud of you. How very lucky you both were, to have each other in your lives. It was a gift, and I appreciate you sharing that with me. I know, society does force certain restrictions, and time lines, part of my issue, is that I never seem to fall within those constraints. I am so sorry for your loss, I think, there is no time line for the amount of time, in which you grieve. American culture has not real ritual in regards to death, so that leaves a lot of us, in a mournful state of Limbo. I hope you are able to find ways to honor your dad's memory, by keeping him alive in small ways. I think, it does help. In my case, my dad loved loved, Xmas lights. My Husband and I are planning to make our xmas decorations bigger this year, in his memory. lol..it makes me laugh, but trust me, the urge to burst into tears, is overwhelming also. thank you for your kind words, thoughts, and the willingness to share with me. Be Well Mir

it is hard! No doubt you understand. I think, part of my own healing process stems with the desire to want to help others. Perhaps, from another vantage point, it might be perceived as running away from my own pain, but I think that too cynical of a thought. I try to remain positive, even when the world forces me otherwise. I try to remind myself, of how much love/life there is around me, and it gets me by. But, I do have moments, this morning, as with many mornings, on my way back from dropping my daughter off to school, I was consumed by an immense weight of sadness. I stopped to get a bagel, from my favorite shop. I was lucky enough to have met, a charming couple, with a baby on the way. They are about the same age, I was, when I had my eldest daughter, who is now 10. I could not help but to marvel at thier contagious happiness, and I realized that the world does work in mysterious ways. Perhaps, thier presence, was a "sign" of what I am not sure, but what ever it was, it helped me to understand that life does indeed work in strange ways, and small little encounters serve to remind of how much happiness there actually is.

Dave, I apologize, the tone of your earlier post, seemed so much positive. I thought it best to respond in the like. I am so sorry once again, for your loss. I know, that there is no one thing that can be said, that can help ease your grief. Just as a thought, I think the fact, that you have gone on to continue to live life, perform chores, and realize the presence of that proverbial abyss, makes you very brave, thus, infused with the ability to take chances. I think, we all take chances everyday, even if we don't identify those actions as such. I think, when we are hurting, the mere act of stepping into the world, in what ever format that may be i.e. work, school, homelife, interaction on a forum, is a chance we take, as we are forced to take steps towards the living process. I don't think it is as hopeless as it feels, because the fact, that you are able to share, means that you do indeed have hope. Anyway..just a thought. I hope you enjoy what is around you today in all it's forms, I am postive that the energy force from the love you and Mike shared will be with you, and that is, a gift.

Mary, I am so sorry for your loss, and you are in my thoughts, as the holidays and anniversary approach. I am happy that you got some clarification regarding your torn rotator cuff. My husband has the same issue, and it is my understanding that the pain is very intense. I hope you find relief very very soon. It is interesting to me, that you have consulted with a medium. Both my grandmother and mother, have a deep rooted belief in the paranormal, and since my father's passing, this belief system, has been a source of thought for me. Despite, my cultural comfort level in regards to the after life, I am having some trouble reconciling my belief system along with the death of my father. I am curious, if you find your visits to mediums helpful? Do you have faith in what they say? A part of me is feeling very lost right now, so please forgive my questions if intrusive. Once again, I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you are well on the way to physical recovery. Mir

My heart goes out to all of you. I am so very very sorry for the losses that everyone here, has shared. Losing a child, is perhaps the cruelest of life's events. I wish I had something constructive to share or say. Wishing all of you, strength and peace.

Hi Dave I am so sorry for your loss. I think it wonderful that you have been fortunate enough to have experienced/currently experience love in the way that you did/do. You are blessed in many ways. What is more, it sounds like you have so much to give, so much so, that it is very resounding in your post. I liked reading your post for many reasons, but primarily because, that despite my own loss, It is good to be reminded of the love that is currently around me. Hope you are having a wonderful harvest!

Thank you all for your insight. I think, I am feeling a little lonely, and hoped that through this catalyst, I would be able to express some of the issues I am currently facing. I do like this board, very much in fact. I like the languid nature of its responses, because they come across as sincere, and heartfelt. I think a part of me, felt a little dis-connected when I didn't see many interact with me. I do understand however, that we are all here for the same reasons, albeit sad. I did not mean, my observation as a critique, rather, it was an expression of the loneliness I feel. I do look forward to future conversations. Thank you again!

I am so sorry. I understand, what you feel. I think we all grieve differently. I think, let yourself, undergo all the emotions you need to, and peace is sure to come. There is no one proper way to grieve, and your loss is so very recent, and raw still. Please take care.

KIm..I am so sorry. I am at a loss for words. I can only keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hope to see you on this forum, as I am a new member as well.

Hi there. I am so sorry for your loss. I am a new member, and I am both fascinated, and relieved to see so many different perspectives regarding the death process. I am not sure what I believe, at least not now. I think, my grief has clouded my faith, and my understanding of the philosophy of death and it's many components. I think, that you are very lucky to have experianced this. WHile I can not validate it as fact or otherwise, perhaps it is more important to focus, that it was meaningful to you, and your journey towards healing. During my father's illness, I poured through every piece of information regarding end of life stages. I came across a very unique site, regarding a buddhist perspective, and his understanding of what happens when death approaches. I am sorry I am not well versed enough to re-iterate, but if I find the link, I will post it.

Spika..I don't know how long it takes. I think it is different for everybody. I still have the sense of longing, waiting, for my dad to come home. What is more, I don't have enough spiritual fortitude to say with certainty that his soul is at rest. I am not sure if I believe in signs, or anything of the like. I wish I were more complacent, in that respect, but right now I am much too sad. I think, however, it is normal. I hope you find peace very soon. I hope all of us do.

I am so sorry for your loss, 123. I can only imagine what you must be going/went through. I am a recent member to this forum, and I have noticed some conversation regarding "signs" supernatural or otherwise. I personally do not know what to make of that, in reference to my own loss, but I can share, that if you have faith, or the personal belief, that your father's spirit is at rest, then perhaps, the correlation can be made, that peace does indeed surround him. Perhaps, he realizes even now, (if your belief is that of an afterlife)that he was lucky to have a caring neighbor at his side, and a loving daughter who keeps his memory alive.